On the Road Again

Ranch mixed with Czar's Pinot & Pepper Sauce, chopped romaine lettuce, toasted almonds (1.5 minutes on a baking sheet under the broiler), crumbled goat cheese, blackberries (from my mom's driveway), and mesquite steak strips. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Friends, it has been awhile since we really talked. Long enough for me to forget what I told you lately that wasn't mostly comprised of narrative pictures and captions.

Let's recap the last few years of my life, shall we? Just for fun.

- Began losing weight in January of 2010
- Started a 10 month MAT program in June of 2010
- Met Kevin January 2011
- Finished my program in April 2011
- Got engaged July 2011
- Started a new full-time job (40 minutes from Kevin and from home) September 2011
- Married November 2011, moved in with Kevin and out of my parent's home
- Helped my husband through back surgery and recovery December 2011 through March 2012
- Started trying to lose my gained-back 30 pounds in January 2012
- Joined a weight loss competition in May 2012, ended last week, I didn't even do a final weigh-in
- Finished my job and moved three hours away with Kevin end of May 2012
- June and July were spent preparing Kevin for the bar and starting my new job
- August has thus far been spent working, Kevin working, and wondering how 8 months have passed without any pounds lost... and most likely a gain.

So, not to be a complete whiner, but there has been a lot packed into a short time. There's plenty more I could add to the list, but the basics give you the idea. No one died, no tragedies happened, but it has been a very full, sometimes difficult time nonetheless.

The motivation to get to the gym and really stick to healthy eating is missing in action.

But, I can't wear the clothes I wore last summer. That is depressing.

I was looking at pictures from one of my bridal showers last night and just loved the way I looked then. I want to get back there! Even if I didn't go much further, that would be a great place to be!

Kevin is so supportive and would do anything to help me, but it still has to be me who sweats and puts healthy food in my mouth - and says no to the crap. 

I feel a bit like a lost cause. I'm not drowning in despair, I'm just feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Ya know?

So this is today. Yesterday is gone, never to return. If God can look at me, love me, and believe that I am beautiful and worth fighting for, then I should believe it too. 

I'm not making any proclamations, I'm just telling you about today. 

Tomorrow will come, I'll let you know how it goes.


So tell me: How do you get motivated in times like these?

Update

Not so much weekly.

I'm a little behind.

My house is fairly clean. The dishes are mostly done. The food is pretty much prepared (for this and next week).

It's been an up and down week. Good and bad days. Nothing too fancy or horrific.

You know?

Feeling down about my body, nothing new there. Feeling excited about gardening and canning this summer, which is actually very new.

Dreaming about the future with my husband. Planning our dream home in our minds as we fall asleep.

Shaving down MacDuff for the summer and feeling like we got a brand new dog.

Haven't exercise in a long time; unless you count the weeding I did yesterday (which my hamstrings do).

Watching "House" with Kevin in the evenings as we eat dinner. And in the mornings when neither of us work.

Having married adventures like slug dissection and Cricut card making.

The last week or so has been good and bad, up and down, boring and exciting, lonely and life-giving, crazy and normal.

All in all, I am content. Not always happy, but content. 

God is good. So is coffee. And dark chocolate. And dogs. And especially, marriage.


So tell me: How are you?

Weekly Update, and Cooking - Lots of Cooking

Weekly Update

Exercise: No exercising last week. Again...

Weight Loss: Same thing...

Victories/Struggles: I didn't binge, I didn't pay much attention. That about sums it up.

Last week was full of family, friends, the holiday, and food. So, having my house clean and all relationships intact is a win for me today. And I have a date to work out with a friend on Wednesday. That should help me get back into the swing of things, right?

AND I started my new job as a barista. For the fourth time in my life. So far I have worked 13 hours over 4 different days. Lots learned, lots to learn, and hopefully I won't lose tons of sleep to early morning shifts!

Something else that has taken up tons of my time lately is:

Lots and Lots of Cooking

I'm trying to make food in bulk that can be sectioned into portions and frozen, mostly for Kevin's lunches. And it doesn't hurt to have go-to meals when I'm in a pinch. Above is our favorite: slow cooker lentil soup. Always a delight.

BBQ salmon.

Red lentils, flavored with coconut milk and curry powder. Recipe here. (I used curry instead of the called-for turmeric.)

10 bean soup.

Whole wheat and corn flour bread.

Split pea soup, which I blended to a smooth finish.

Green bean casserole.

Hot quinoa tossed with steamed/chopped broccoli and roasted/chopped mushrooms and garlic.

Caramelizing onions.

Salmon again. This time with garlic, butter and lemon.

The finished onions. So tasty!

Other dishes to grace my kitchen lately: garlic red lentils (these are like mashed potatoes in texture, but are actually a legume!), corn cake, coconut curry and basil chicken, butterscotch sauce (ice cream topping), slow cooker salsa chicken, and I am making chicken stock with the leftover part of a rotisserie chicken right now!

So tell me: What recipes do you recommend for fun dinners?

Weekly Update, and I'm Back!!!

Weekly Update


Exercise: Moving lots of boxes. Up and down stairs. It counts.


Weight Loss: 177.4 - that's 5.8 pounds down from four weeks ago when I weighed 183.2.

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Victories/Struggles:

• Didn't track my food during the week of packing/moving
• Didn't do any intentional exercise during that time either
• I moved A LOT of boxes and furniture
• In fact, I was so sore the first morning after our move day; my whole body ached!
• I am back to tracking
• I signed up for a local gym membership
• I weighed and lost!

What a crazy week it has been since we've last talked.

My husband and I packed up all our belongings, ate Taco Bell (Fresco for me!) in the car (as there was no where to sit in the apartment), and moved two hours away from our first married home with the help of our parents.

Move day was pretty incredible. So many things surprised us. Nothing really went according to plan. Typical, right? Both sets of parents helped us without any tension or awkwardness. I don't have to explain to you how it could be awkward when one set of parents is sending away their daughter to live with the other set... All well intentioned, well meaning, yet sometimes it can be difficult in these situations. And it went incredibly well. I'm so thankful. We honestly could not have done it without their help.

Funny story: movers. The people we hired to move our crap from the apartment to the truck. Then the other two guys that were hired to move our crap from the truck to the storage unit, and the rest into our new apartment. The first pair were pretty inexperienced. Very slow, one was constantly on his cell phone when not bossing the other guy around, and my mother-in-law had to explain to them how best to load the truck. And since the U-Haul place had the wrong truck for us, we had three feet less in length to get stuff packed in to. Which is why Kevin had to go rent a tiny trailer, and buy a hitch, to fit the rest of our stuff. 

Let me say, as an aside, in the middle of my funny (more ironic than "ha ha"), we had THREE SUV's, ONE 14-FOOT UHAUL TRUCK, ONE SMALL TRAILER, and we still needed to fill my parent's van with the remanding belongings. That's after we threw away TONS AND TONS of garbage, took two loads to Goodwill, and had a giveaway pile for Kevin's cousin who is starting college in the fall. SERIOUSLY??!! That's way too much crap for two people. Now that we are more or less settled in, we have even more garbage, Goodwill stuff, and more for storage. Next time we move, even more will go. We are only keeping the stuff that we would need for another apartment or house (this apartment had quite a bit of stuff from his folks already). 

Anyway, the second set of movers were incredible. They pulled up to the storage unit, jumped out, and immediately started running. Dollies from the truck, long rope, Mountain Dew, and they were off. Mike arranged our storage unit like a game of Tetris: everything has a place, it is all fairly accessible, and we fit WAY more in there than we thought possible. They unloaded the U-Haul and trailer in about an hour. It took about five hours for the youngsters to load it all up. That's part of it, I'm sure. The second guys have been doing this for about 20 years, I'd say - and they know how to work together. 

One of our first guys, also Mike, was in his second week on the job. He showed up 30 minutes late, but had a great attitude the whole time. Very polite. But pretty slow. Right at the end of the process, after we paid them for the two extra hours it took to load everything, Mike started telling us a bit of his story as he was thanking us and apologizing again for being late and making mistakes with loading the truck. He said that he and his wife were separated, and would have gotten a divorce, but he gave his life to the Lord recently and was working things out with his wife. My mom told him that we were all Christians there, and he said he could tell because we weren't fighting or cursing. Interesting, right? In the middle of a crazy, busy, hectic day, a young man tells us journey with and without God and with no provocation. Somehow, we, the crazy young marrieds with their crazier parents, bore witness to the character of Christ by honoring Him with our words and actions under stress and pressure. We had no idea anyone was watching us. We were stressed and distracted. Praise God for blessings among chaos.

Mike and Dell, the second set, told us they were pretty sure they could have fit everything in the truck so we wouldn't have had to spend another $100 in gas and rental for the trailer. Hmm. Let's just hope that's not true.

Did I mention that moving costs a lot of money? Really. I mean. It cost way more than we thought. And WAY MORE than I thought. Kevin has done this several times, so he had a better idea of what we would be shelling out. Ouch. That's all I gotta say. Well, I'll also say that we are trusting God to provide.

We, well, I, am trying not to freak out about money right now. It's tight. Very tight. Enter some phrase about shoestrings that means we don't eat out or buy anything but groceries. And I could look for a job right now, but Kevin and I were really feeling led to take some time of rest after we moved. He has the bar to study for, I want to get settled, and we just want some time to chill, to relax.

The wife of one of Kevin's friends worked at a drive-thru coffee kiosk, about 25 minutes from our apartment, until recently. She knew I would be looking for work, and have done coffee for many years, and passed along this information to her former bosses - a Christian family. I was told to give them a call. So I did. You know what? They will most likely have a place for me - but probably not until July sometime, maybe August. What?! So.... this would be a job I've done before... a job I really enjoy... part-time... close to home... and I wouldn't have to start for at least month??? Wow. Waiting for God's timing is so difficult, so nebulous, but He keeps His promises. This job may not pan out for one reason or another, but I feel good about our decision to wait a while. 

So, since Tuesdays and Thursdays are my laundry days, the washer and dryer are humming away. Kevin is studying. Puppy is napping. Our apartment is basically done except for a few small details (decorations mostly). And I'm back to blogging. Blessings among the chaos. I'm a blessed lady. 

Tomorrow I'll give you some sneak peaks of the place (final pics will have to wait until all the details are done - I'm a bit OCD...). So stay tuned!

So tell me: What blessings are you finding among chaos?

Weekly Update, and Plateau Perspective

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 4 30-min walks in my classroom

Weight Loss: Still to be continued. :)

So. Puppy.

I love him dearly. But I may have hit the side of his kennel last night in anger. He was screaming!!! Then I got up and went out to the couch. Where I slept for an hour.

Granted, the little guy only screamed for about two minutes. But it was enough to piss me off.

And... when I pick him up to take him out to potty, all the love comes rushing back. He's just so darn cute and cuddly.

Seriously- I'm not going to injure him. Really.

I just may think about it at 2:30 in the morning when I have yet to get more than one hour of solid sleep and have to be up at 6:30.

Or maybe this is all a funny joke I'm telling you guys... Maybe.

So. Exercise.

Less this last week due to some bug I've picked up and am fighting off - not to mention the addition to our home. The bug has yet to vacate, so I may not be doing much more than my classroom walks this week either.

So. Weight loss.

Well, I was able to stuff myself into my old 12 jeans! Woohoo! Muffin top? Oh yeah. Still! They zipped up. And I had to wear something to the vet - MacDuff peed on the other ones on accident.

It's not the same as feeling that I'm really back into them, but it is a small bit of inspiration and motivation. Progress is happening people!!!

And let me tell you...

It's esay to forget the progress I have made over the last two plus years:

This change required hard work

 

Perseverance,

Sacrifice,

and Dedication.

Yes, I regressed some. Gained back 30 pounds.

But that does not a failure make.



Remind me to look at this when I melt down again.

So tell me: How do you keep yourself motivated? How do you let the little things go and focus on positives?

A Little Blog-spiration

I did a little digging.

Out there, in the Blog Garden, I found a few ripe for the picking.

As I can certainly attest to, reading a real person's struggles similar to mine reminds me that I'm not alone in this. Whatever this is.

The following blogs caught my attention, spurred some inspiration, and therefore I decided to pass them along:


Can You Stay For Dinner?

www.canyoustayfordinner.com

The reason I love this blog is... because she has loved herself at every size. You have probably seen a referece to her blog before. I love her. I think she is wonderful. Her writing style is fantastic, her food photos make me drool, her journey and place in life are very similar to my own, and she has a great love of food - despite her previous obesity. Her blog is one of the first I discovered in the Blog Garden of Weight Loss. Her book comes out next year. I am so pre-ordering that memoir!


Escape Frome Obesity

http://www.escapefromobesity.net/

  

The reason I love this blog is... because she made a very difficult change in her already very busy life. And, she has gained back some of her lost weight - which I can also relate to. When I first started losing weight, I was working part time, living at home, and losing weight was my 'real' job. Now, I am so busy with life and have to make my health a priority; it isn't convenient much of the time. This woman did just that; and as a mom, no less! Her honesty and perseverance inspire me to keep going.


The Token Fat Girl: Seeking a Bigger Life in a Smaller Body



http://www.myallnaturalweightloss.com/



The reason I love this blog is... because she's not at her goal weight. She hasn't ever reached her goal weight. She's still on the journey. As am I. And what a long journey it can be. In her words, "The Token Fat Girl is a melting pot of food, fashion and fitness. I've struggled with being overweight or obese my entire life and while I don't agree that I can be obese and healthy, I do believe that it shouldn't stop me from living a pretty decent life." She has a recent post about caring too much about what others think and how that can stop her from doing the things she really wants to do. Wow, that sounds so familiar! Preach it, Sister!

The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl!


http://www.dietgirl.org/dietgirl/

 
The reason I love this blog is... because she addresses her relationship with food in a way that resonates with my story. As she put it, "Food has never just been food for me - it's been an escape from the world; a comfort and a coping mechanism. It's taken me a long time but I'm finally understanding my relationship with food and I've developed a healthier attitude to both my body and the way I eat." This is what I'm striving for! Also, she wrote a book - I'd like to read it!


Fit to the Finish: 150 Pounds Gone Forever


http://www.fittothefinish.com/





The reason I love this blog is... because she has kept off the weight for over thirteen years and through three pregnancies. One of my fears is that I will reach my goal weight and won't be able to maintain it. Her story is indeed inspirational. A mom to seven! One thing I noticed, however, is that she is pretty hard on herself in her "before" pictures. Her captions paint a picture of self-loathing. Making cookies isn't a bad thing. Making them all the time might be; but I hope to find a balance between maintainence and moderation. Nevertheless, this Dr. Oz featured lady has great advice and offers hope for success! In fact, she now teaches others how to lose weight and get healthy. If the opportunity arose, I think I would be a good weight-loss coach/teacher/counselor. Pipe dream, perhaps.


The World According to Bitch Cakes

http://abitchcakesworld.blogspot.com/

The reason I love this blog is... because she is funny and excentric. This blog, Explicit Content warning, details a self-titled Glamour Girl who spends most of her days riding around New York City on her pink bicycle showing off her tattoos (which she hates, check out her blog for her reasons) in skirts, high heels, and a pink boustier. She joined Weight Watchers years back and has documented her journey in full color and with loads of personality. I can't relate to her at all! - Except for her desire to be healthy. She's vegan, wears skirts on a bike, swears, is covered in tattoos, and wears red lipstick - and she has lost weight, which she has thus far kept off. You go, Girl!






I do not know any of these women personally, but I know their struggle. In that, we are kindred spirits. Their words and photos inspire me. Their vision for success, their willingness to push through tremendous obstacles, their fire and passion to be themselves - in one way or another they all tell a piece of my own story.

So go check them out and let me know what you think!


So tell me: What great blogs are you reading? Pass them along!

Hunger Pains. (Not Games.)

Over the years, I have learned to hate hunger pains.

Or rather, I've avoided them like the proverbial plague.

I ate when I felt like it. As it is with emotional eating. I rarely experienced true hunger.



Hungry. December 2009.

Since overhauling my eating/exercise habits two years ago, I changed to eating when I schedule it.

It still isn't about need. Well, it is in a way. I know that my body needs food every 2-3 hours to keep me from getting hungry. I also need to fit in a certain amount of fruits, veggies, lean protein, and dairy in my day, not to mention a specified calorie total. So I schedule my meals. Down to each individual calorie.

My hope is that once I have reached my goal weight, I will maintain my weight through a combination of scheduling and eating when I need to - when my body tells me that it's hungry.

Here's the problem: I don't always know when I'm hungry.

My body often mimics hunger pains when I know I shouldn't be hungry. Or should it? I eat about 100-150 calories every 2-3 hours. Dinner usually takes up more of my allotted portion. So maybe my body is hungry an hour after lunch, which is to say, whatever snack-meal I ate between noon and 2pm.

Bowling. And hungry. August 2009.

Since starting this weight loss journey, I have heard (and tried) many tips to do with hunger pains. If you know you shouldn't be hungry/need more food: Wait 15 minutes. Drink water. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Drink more water.

Many of us who have dealt with overeating and unhealthy weight can often lose our ability to self-monitor our eating. It isn't just about self control, it is a learned habit, one that is very difficult to change. Our relationship with food has become unhealthy and unnatural. That is why we have "tips and tricks" of all sorts. That is why we read countless blogs, articles, magazines, and books about losing weight. We have to get rid of hurtful habits and learn helpful new ones.

After reading one of my favorite blogs a while back, though I can't remember the specific post, I got to thinking about hunger pains. Yes, a rumbly tummy can be a body's way of telling its owner that it needs food (or a quick trip to the restroom, though that would just be inappropriate for me to allude to here). But does that rumble mean you need to eat immediately? Is hunger bad?

What does the rumble mean?

Does it have to be a hated occurrence dramatically equated to near-starvation and the stress of all things food related? (As it can be in my case....)

 

Or,

 

Can the rumble simply be a reminder of good things to come?

 

A reminder of what I have, which many do not.

 

A reminder of my choices to schedule each of those darn calories to one day look back and see my progress and successes.

 

A reminder that my body has been designed to use food as fuel.

 

A reminder of that delicious dinner I'm making.

 

A reminder of the benefits of sacrifice and discipline.

 

Playing cards. Hungry. March 2012.

 

Perhaps I will begin to love the presense of hunger pains, rather than loathe their very existence.

 

 

Well,

 

We'll see about that.

 

It's a place to start, anyway. :)

 

Hungry and happy about it. March 2012.

 

 

So tell me: What natural occurences do you use a reminder? What do you do with hunger pains?

Weekly Update, and Defining Femininity

Weekly Update:

Exercises: Four days of lunch walking (25 min. each); One elliptical "pump" for 40 minutes

Weight Loss: 179. That's up. 2.6 pounds up, to be exact.

I could scream.

I mean, really. Out loud. Into my classroom. Terrifying my poor students.

Not only did I stay within my lessened-from-last-week points this entire week, but I took measures to ramp up my weight loss. Less fruit. Less points. More water. Longer exercise. And- I went up. This is where I was three weeks ago. Which is where I was five weeks ago. Commence: screaming.

My husband reassures me that though the scale may not reflect my work, that I am looking more toned. And it is true that my clothes are fitting better -though that was true last week as well. Over the last (almost) three months, I can see an increase in energy, fewer mood swings (Kevin, you don't get to weigh in on that), and better fitting pants. That's something, right?

It's enough to want to give up. The three times that we ended up eating out this week, I ate salads. Even with all my home cooked meals and new recipes, I measured, portioned and tracked everything. E. Very. Thing.

Are there sneaky spy calories making their way into my system as I sleep?

Well, speaking of sleep, the hubs and I both know that we don't get enough. I know that lack of sleep can slow down weight loss. And we've been more stressed lately - crazy schedules, finishing law school (for him), dealing with stress at work (for me). We know now that we are moving in June. We are already looking for jobs (that we don't have yet). Our school debt looms over our heads, and will for many years to come. We each are fighting off getting sick - which is hard to do when one of us works with walking petri dishes.

It all adds up.

So, despite my dejected spirit, I will recognize that I am putting as much energy into this as I know how. I'm making the healthy decisions. I still have 11 whole weeks of consistency under my belt (though, I wish it was taking up less room under that belt).

This week I will go to the gym twice and walk during four lunches. I'll keep my daily and extra weekly points the same, even though I could technically raise them since my weight raised. And that's it. No drastic measures. I will choose to trust the process and believe that my body will let go of the pounds when it is good and ready, trying to force greater change will only add stress, which will not aid in this weight loss/health gain process.

There are other things that also require energy from me. Ideas and thoughts that keep my brain occupied. Tasks and lists that demand doing. And preparing for our belated honeymoon trip beginning on Friday.

Speaking of thoughts that occupy the mind,

I'm struggling with the ideas and preachings of (extreme) "Feminism".


Here's the thing: I do believe women can do anything, and should have the opportunities to do so. I also believe that each of us, as humans, men and women, are unique and have different giftings and dreams. So why is it that I feel as though I am now looked down on (or somehow pitied, or assumed to be under the thumb of a man, or The Man) because I dream of being a housewife and stay-at-home mom?

This wasn't always my dream. Many women in my life have preached (by word or action) from a pedestal of individuality and self-sufficiency - to the point of never needing a man. I had it in my mind that if my husband ever wanted me to stay home that he was disrespecting me and holding me back. Ya know, that whole "Woman, make me a sandwich while being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen!" thing. In fact, I thought he wasn't supposed to have an opinion at all. (Though it was my opinion that he should want to work and provide an income. Never really thought that one through.) What I have discovered is that I actually want these things. Not to be stifled or held back, but to have my home, family, and community as my 'work'.

Throughout the season of dating my now husband, I discovered these desires within me. All of a sudden I was far more interested in decorating, baking, cleaning, organizing - taking care of a man and a home - and somehow this also became taking care of me. As a newly married woman, this is the work I value most. At the end of the day I wish I just had more time to do laundry and dishes so that our evenings could always be spent relaxing instead of working. What often ends up happening is that we do relax and ignore the stuff we can't get done during the day. And fun projects for me? Ya know, all those Pinterest boards I have filled up in hopes of being creative once in a while? Forget about it! (I'd like to think that I said that in a New York accent.)

Maybe you have very different ideals. If you have different dreams, contrasting desires- that's fine with me! In fact, that's fantastic! To each his or her own. How much better do we learn from each other when we share our differences rather than shake them in each other's faces, hoping that 'other' will bend (or break) to our way of thinking?

In looking back on history, and the proverbial "50's Housewife", I can see how the Feminist Movement came about. (However, I think the expectations of men were just as restrictive. Each gender had their role to play and an individual was looked down on if they strayed but a little.) It is my opinion, however, that the pendulum may have swung too far in the opposite direction.

Work, in the traditional sense, has never been my thing. I've known forever that I would love most getting paid to go on coffee dates with people. When I was a single person looking ahead with no marriage in sight, I chose the path of teaching. If I had to work to pay my bills, I might as well give myself the best shot at enjoying the good 'ol nine-to-five. (Though in education, it's more like 7:30 to whenever the job's done... Don't get me ranting on the flaws in and pressures on our education system. It gets me all riled up! Go, teachers, go!) The truth is, it has never been my deepest desire to have a classroom for thirty years.

My deep heart longings were always pieced together with images of marriage, children, a beautiful home, and an espresso machine complete with plumbing and a portafilter (not an automatic!) - not to mention a community of people who always knew which house to go to if they needed anything (my house, in case that wasn't clear). When these seemed out of reach, it came time to put on my big girl panties (funny how this was true in more ways than one at the time) and choose a field that would allow me to actually move out of my parent's home someday. (For a while there, I wasn't sure that was going to happen...)

Those deep dreams of mine started to surface when I met my Kevin; I had shoved them into an old box labeled Save For Later. As we dated and moved toward marriage, their voices grew louder and clearer from inside their cardboard walls. Now that they walk around the apartment outside of their previous cage, I do my best to meet their demands in the few hours not devoted to bill-paying.


Now, in case your feathers are ruffled to the point of disarray, keep in mind that these are my opinions, my dreams. This is not my prescription for a happy life - for anyone other than myself. That's why I struggle with Feminism; the statements I hear or read don't say, "Hey, this is what I think is best," they say, "Your way is wrong." And I don't always agree.

One of my very best friends would probably acknowledge Feminist tendencies, but I wouldn't title her a Feminist. She has her beliefs, I have mine. Many we share, many we don't. We have spent a decade learning to discuss these without taking it personally, respecting and supporting one another. I appreciate that she acts on her beliefs, encourages me to save the world one recycled bottle at a time, and never tears down my chosen lifestyle.

I bake. I cook. I clean. I crochet. I craft. And I love it. I love tending my husband. He loves tending me.

I even make him sandwiches. And he makes me coffee.  

Does this mean I am being stifled or held back? No, this frees me to live into the giftings and desires that God weaved into my intricate design.

I also love make-up and hair products. I love shopping. I love walking around the mall with a Starbucks beverage in hand. I am very girly. Do domesticity and femininity undermine my rights as a woman?

Another huge dream of mine is to be in a musical again. It's been nearly four years! I may love singing with my whole being as a character on stage as much as taking care of my home. My heart lights on fire when I step out on stage - I feel connected to my Creator just as much in these moments as when I look around at our homey apartment knowing it is safe and welcoming. I have many dreams. For now, I trust that each has its season.


If a self-titled Feminist is reading this, please do not take offense. I respect and support your choices - they are yours to make! But if my choice is to use my freedom to take care of a home and family, please do not try to convince me that I'm just being pressured into a man-made mold. This is my choice. Now let's have a treat. A girlfriend of mine has perfected the Chocolate Chip Crack... I'm sorry... I meant Cookie.


So tell me: What do you dream of? What would you love to spend your time doing if bills were never an issue? And while we're at it, what recipes have you perfected and decided to bring to me, an avid Taste Tester???

Weekly Update, and Fat = Lazy

Weekly Update:

Exercise: four 25-minute walks around the school track (which is just about 5.25 miles total); one 20-minute elliptical 'pump'

Weight loss: Today I'm at 176! Woohoo! 9 pounds down in 10 weeks!

Pretty good for spending the weekend at my parent's! (Where The Stash apparently migrated during the work week. I'd wondered where it'd gone.)

Well, my average is still pretty close to losing one pound per week. While I would love to say that I am down 20 pounds in 10 weeks, at least I can say that I have stayed on program that whole time, met my exercise goals each week, my clothes already fit much better, and have been able to have fun extras when I've planned for it!

This, however, is not to say that I don't have moments when I want to give up because it seems so slow. Forcing myself into workout clothes and out the door to the gym has been torturous the last couple of weeks. And I've been SO MUNCHY!!! All of a sudden I will want every comfort food within reach. (No, I'm not preggo - just emotional. So, just normal.)

No matter how long it takes me to reach the best weight for my body, it will be worth it in the long run. My changes are going to last. This is about a lifestyle, not a short-term diet. When I do reach that goal, it will be a moment to celebrate! I'm so excited for that!

The truth is, this is really hard! Anyone who has tried to lose weight, or reach any long-term goal, knows all about this. It is never easy to start new habits while phasing out old ones. Though there are some people that seem to think that this, specifically weight loss, is easy. To hear more on my opinion on that, keep reading!


Oh, I told you this was coming. Be warned: I am about to vent. Steam is a'coming, try not to get burned.


"Fat people are just lazy. If they would just eat the right food and exercise, they wouldn't have that problem."

"Ew. That girl is so gross. She needs to lose some weight."

"Working out and eating right is so easy."


Ooooo, girl, you done just pissed off this mama bear. I'magunna wring your skinny little neck. Short but feisty!


"Oh my word. I am so fat!" (Said by a size-0 woman eating a cupcake.)

"Did you see that girl's stomach? How does someone let themselves get like that?"

"That guy must weigh a ton. Video games, much?"


Hold me back! Hold me back! Them's fightin' words!


There seems to be this idea that anyone who is overweight must be lazy. MYTH. There are many factors to obesity, most of which have to do with our environment and genetics. TRUTH.

Yes, it is also true that our nation has a health crisis on its hands. Across the country the statistics are alarming. "About one-third of U.S. adults (33.8%) are obese. Approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese." Find out more here.

I'm not saying we should all let Wall-e come true and buy our hovering recliners now, I am saying that this lie that all fat people are lazy needs to be nipped in the bud.

My stats:

• being overweight is in the family
• did kids sports through age 13
• currently work out 3-5 days a week
• eat very healthily and in moderation
• still obese on the BMI scale

Am I lazy? I also work a full-time job and am doing my best to run a home with my new husband. Yet some Jane Doe walking down the street behind me could think I am fat, and therefor lazy. This isn't some attempt to toot my own horn. I just know how hard it is!

Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror, to see your weight as insurmountable (not to mention the bane of your existence), and decide to cry and eat some ice cream to soothe yourself?

Do you know what it's like to be made fun of because of your weight? How about something else?

Do you know what it's like to have your greatest weaknesses and insecurities on display for everyone to see?

Do you know what it's like to inch by inch shed patterns and habits of an unhealthy lifestyle and try to develop new ones to promote health?


This world is so full of pain. Everywhere you look, someone somewhere is hurting. We are a broken people in a broken world. So let's do something positive! Perhaps the person you see as lazy or disgusting has some bad habits and doesn't work as hard at them as you think they should, but do you know their story? Do you know how they got to be where they are? It is much more difficult to judge someone when you know their humanity. Take some time to find out.

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." (James 3:3-8) (emphasis mine)

"Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue." (Proverbs 11:12)

"The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4)

I am no saint. I, too, am guilty of judging those around me. This message is for me as much as for anyone else. I'm not preaching, I'm pleading.

Before you spit poison in the direction of some broken and flawed person, think about your own flaws. Maybe your greatest weakness or insecurity is not as visible as obesity, or acne, or second-hand clothes.

Maybe you can hide your hurts and areas of pain from the world. Maybe you are addicted to working out, or are in an unhealthy relationship. Perhaps you abuse alcohol or prescription drugs. Everyone suffers from some hurt, habit, or hang-up. Think about that before you judge someone who cannot hide theirs from you.

I may not be this girl anymore, but I love her nonetheless. I may have a different body than this girl, but I think she is beautiful and vibrant. And I know her hurts. I still carry them. I know what it felt like every time someone stared, sneered, or shied away. She explored the world, graduated with honors, sang her heart out in front of hundreds of people, and took on the world with vigor. I learned a lot from her. She and I both know that being overweight had nothing to do with being lazy. We also know how deeply words can cut. Choose your words carefully, for both our sakes.