Nine Months of Marriage on a Waistline.

Kevin and I have been married for nine months.

That means it has been one year and seven months since we met.

That also means I have not lost (and kept off) one pound for over a year and seven months.

Losing weight as a single person was a totally different Beast than what I face today. That ugly thing realizes just how hard it is to be a wife, putting my husband first, and still take care of myself - and it wants blood. This is not one of those cute monsters under the bed with one eye and a penchant for dry humor; this is a blood-thirsty animal that will stop at nothing to discover whether or not I could be as wide as I am long.

Some days are better than others, but to be truthful, I haven't had that zeal and focus for losing weight since before I met the hubs. Don't get me wrong, being married is the greatest gift from God I could have received; Kevin is my biggest supporter and constant encourager. It's me, not him.

Telling myself it is "okay" to spend more time at the gym and less time at home (usually after several hours of working at the coffee shop) is so hard to do. Taking any time for my own health that might take away from "us" time seems like the end of the world sometimes. And beyond all of that, it has just been really hard to keep myself motivated.

Why am I doing this? 

I had a list, and it really is true. All of it. But it barely stands up to The Beast (or The Stash) on a good day; it cowers in fear on the bad ones. 

The thing is, I know why. It really comes down to one simple truth: I feel better when I take care of my body.

And taking care of my body requires regular exercise and healthy eating.

It really is that simple.

I am a better me when I am actively pursuing my best health.

Lots of things get in the way. That's life. And sometimes, I really, truly okay with that. A down weekend every now and then is actually NOT the end of the world. A dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cup mini now and then is actually quite necessary - to my mental health. AND I love food! I love to cook, to bake, and to eat! That's not going to change.

And folks, I do know how to do this. I've done it! I know the facts, the info, the details, the theories... I just have to do it. Little by little. 

And it is oh, so hard. It doesn't get easier to tackle The Beast. I'm back up to 200 pounds. Now you know. I'm not even close to perfect. I'm going backwards on the scale. It is discouraging in so many ways. And yet I choose to force a good attitude and keep trying. (At least that is how I feel right now, we'll see in about 20 minutes...)

I've been going to the gym more often and eating salads for lunch. I've also been drinking 64 ounces of water a day, at least. It's a start. Well, it's more like a continuance. It just keeps going.

It's been a long time since I have really talked to you all, rather than show you pictures and tell you about yummy things I've made. That's all wonderful, and I love to do it, but sitting down to write about how I am is much harder. It takes more time, thought, and energy - things I don't have to spare very often. I'm working about 30 hours a week, which is a total God-send, and that doesn't leave much time for blogging after housekeeping/running, especially when I am also making time for my health.

So bear with me, okay? I think about you all the time. Keep reading. Keep responding. And keep going on whatever goal you are aiming for. 

We'll never be perfect, but we can at least keep going. 


So tell me: How are you coming on your goals? How do you keep motivated?

On the Road Again

Ranch mixed with Czar's Pinot & Pepper Sauce, chopped romaine lettuce, toasted almonds (1.5 minutes on a baking sheet under the broiler), crumbled goat cheese, blackberries (from my mom's driveway), and mesquite steak strips. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Friends, it has been awhile since we really talked. Long enough for me to forget what I told you lately that wasn't mostly comprised of narrative pictures and captions.

Let's recap the last few years of my life, shall we? Just for fun.

- Began losing weight in January of 2010
- Started a 10 month MAT program in June of 2010
- Met Kevin January 2011
- Finished my program in April 2011
- Got engaged July 2011
- Started a new full-time job (40 minutes from Kevin and from home) September 2011
- Married November 2011, moved in with Kevin and out of my parent's home
- Helped my husband through back surgery and recovery December 2011 through March 2012
- Started trying to lose my gained-back 30 pounds in January 2012
- Joined a weight loss competition in May 2012, ended last week, I didn't even do a final weigh-in
- Finished my job and moved three hours away with Kevin end of May 2012
- June and July were spent preparing Kevin for the bar and starting my new job
- August has thus far been spent working, Kevin working, and wondering how 8 months have passed without any pounds lost... and most likely a gain.

So, not to be a complete whiner, but there has been a lot packed into a short time. There's plenty more I could add to the list, but the basics give you the idea. No one died, no tragedies happened, but it has been a very full, sometimes difficult time nonetheless.

The motivation to get to the gym and really stick to healthy eating is missing in action.

But, I can't wear the clothes I wore last summer. That is depressing.

I was looking at pictures from one of my bridal showers last night and just loved the way I looked then. I want to get back there! Even if I didn't go much further, that would be a great place to be!

Kevin is so supportive and would do anything to help me, but it still has to be me who sweats and puts healthy food in my mouth - and says no to the crap. 

I feel a bit like a lost cause. I'm not drowning in despair, I'm just feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Ya know?

So this is today. Yesterday is gone, never to return. If God can look at me, love me, and believe that I am beautiful and worth fighting for, then I should believe it too. 

I'm not making any proclamations, I'm just telling you about today. 

Tomorrow will come, I'll let you know how it goes.


So tell me: How do you get motivated in times like these?

Update

Not so much weekly.

I'm a little behind.

My house is fairly clean. The dishes are mostly done. The food is pretty much prepared (for this and next week).

It's been an up and down week. Good and bad days. Nothing too fancy or horrific.

You know?

Feeling down about my body, nothing new there. Feeling excited about gardening and canning this summer, which is actually very new.

Dreaming about the future with my husband. Planning our dream home in our minds as we fall asleep.

Shaving down MacDuff for the summer and feeling like we got a brand new dog.

Haven't exercise in a long time; unless you count the weeding I did yesterday (which my hamstrings do).

Watching "House" with Kevin in the evenings as we eat dinner. And in the mornings when neither of us work.

Having married adventures like slug dissection and Cricut card making.

The last week or so has been good and bad, up and down, boring and exciting, lonely and life-giving, crazy and normal.

All in all, I am content. Not always happy, but content. 

God is good. So is coffee. And dark chocolate. And dogs. And especially, marriage.


So tell me: How are you?

Weekly Update, and Cooking - Lots of Cooking

Weekly Update

Exercise: No exercising last week. Again...

Weight Loss: Same thing...

Victories/Struggles: I didn't binge, I didn't pay much attention. That about sums it up.

Last week was full of family, friends, the holiday, and food. So, having my house clean and all relationships intact is a win for me today. And I have a date to work out with a friend on Wednesday. That should help me get back into the swing of things, right?

AND I started my new job as a barista. For the fourth time in my life. So far I have worked 13 hours over 4 different days. Lots learned, lots to learn, and hopefully I won't lose tons of sleep to early morning shifts!

Something else that has taken up tons of my time lately is:

Lots and Lots of Cooking

I'm trying to make food in bulk that can be sectioned into portions and frozen, mostly for Kevin's lunches. And it doesn't hurt to have go-to meals when I'm in a pinch. Above is our favorite: slow cooker lentil soup. Always a delight.

BBQ salmon.

Red lentils, flavored with coconut milk and curry powder. Recipe here. (I used curry instead of the called-for turmeric.)

10 bean soup.

Whole wheat and corn flour bread.

Split pea soup, which I blended to a smooth finish.

Green bean casserole.

Hot quinoa tossed with steamed/chopped broccoli and roasted/chopped mushrooms and garlic.

Caramelizing onions.

Salmon again. This time with garlic, butter and lemon.

The finished onions. So tasty!

Other dishes to grace my kitchen lately: garlic red lentils (these are like mashed potatoes in texture, but are actually a legume!), corn cake, coconut curry and basil chicken, butterscotch sauce (ice cream topping), slow cooker salsa chicken, and I am making chicken stock with the leftover part of a rotisserie chicken right now!

So tell me: What recipes do you recommend for fun dinners?

Ruth.

The past two weeks I have begun delving into the book of Ruth with a woman's Bible study group. This isn't the first time I've read through this story, but it is the first time I've really pulled it apart with the intent of truly learning more than the surface list of events.

No matter the subtext, the truths behind the story that we cannot truly know, her emotions and motives, it is clear that Ruth was an incredible woman. As the tagline of the devotional by Kelly Minter reads, this is a story of loss, love, and legacy. Ruth lost a husband, and her brother and father-in-law. She was left with the choice of returning to her people of Moab or continuing back to the land of Judah with her mother-in-law, Naomi, who had renamed herself "Bitter" (Mara in the NIV). Not an easy choice, if you ask me.

As the story goes, she clung to her MIL and followed her back to Bethlehem. Naomi's people and God would be Ruth's people and God, as she firmly declared. Perhaps Ruth chose Naomi and an unknown land because she had little to return to in Moab. Perhaps she felt the call of the one true God on her heart. Perhaps she felt a deep sense of loyalty and obligation to Naomi, who was left without her husband and two sons. Perhaps she was afraid to travel the road home alone. In my opinion, there's no way for us to really know.

That said, I think Ruth was following her gut. The overall story paints Ruth as a woman of courage and ingenuity. Whatever the catalyst, she followed her heart in the face of immense change and validated fears. 

I find myself basking in the irony of studying about a woman facing fears, change, and moving to another land in this time of my life. How easy it would be for me to feel more like Naomi, wallowing in self pity and, now I'm taking a guess here, blaming God for my trials. 

Been there, done that. Some days, I am there, doing that.

But I strive to rise to the challenges, choosing attitudes of thankfulness and patience, much like I envision Ruth doing. I'm also blessed with a living husband who buoys me when needed, never letting go of my hand through this whole process. 

Moving three hours away from my communities, living with in-laws (wonderful, though they are), choosing a church together (an issue all in itself, but more on that another time), needing financial miracles to keep afloat, looking for work, and still battling myself and my food addiction to be healthy. It feels like a lot. It has been. And yet, God is providing. Day by day. 

In fact, given that the probational period pans out (like that alliteration?), I have a job as a barista here in town. I'm so excited! God put contacts in place, and without even an application or resume turned in, I was offered a job (again, if the next month proves the right chemistry for us both). I love making coffee! The hours are flexible, I get to be home with my hubby at night, and I get to love on people while getting paid. Such a tremendous opportunity and blessing.

And through this Bible study, I am making more friends. That is huge for me. The finances? Well, given all of God's current and previous provision, I have to believe that He will give us the opportunity to solve that as well.

There are so many instances I have to look back on proving God's hand in my life; how much harder would that be for a woman like Ruth who had little more than ten years married to a man who came from Judah, the land of God's people? If she could follow her gut and heart to God, so can I. 

So tell me: What inspires you to follow your gut and heart?

Weekly Update, and the 4th

Weekly Update


Exercise: Umm... didn't happen.


Weight Loss: No idea. Didn't check. (Probably a good thing...)


Victories/Struggles: Well...

• I felt fat for a few days
• I felt bloated most of the week
• I ate lots of junk
• I actually don't feel too terribly bad about it, because
• Because there are more important things sometimes
• I spent time with friends, family, and kept my house clean
• I am feeling (again) like I can't reach my weight goal

I don't have the results I want. I can't seem to really stick to anything. As my husband so wisely points out, I have to have motives that will last me through the whole process; the good times, the bad times, the hard times, the easy times. I'm thinking about a Dickens novel... "It was the best of times and the worst of times..." Anyway...

I'm not super happy at size 14 (pants) and 180 pounds, give or take a few depending on the week.

When I'm really on it, I'm working out three times a week for about an hour at a time. I even have a gym membership, remember? Paid in full through August, even if the budget tightens later on...

And that Weight Loss Competition? Oi. 

I don't know, you guys. Why is this so hard?

I feel like Eeyore. He was pleasantly rotund. Well, not pleasantly, I suppose.

Today has been a good eating day so far. That's something, right? And the 4th is tomorrow... Burgers. BURGERS!!! Chips. CHIPS!!! Oi.

I don't want to make some proclamation about getting through yet another holiday without falling off the wagon. I'll be too disappointed when it doesn't happen. I get to be with my parents, my in-laws, neighbors, friends, and one of my beautiful little nieces (from Oregon) who isn't so little anymore. That's more important than a pant size in the long run.

But I can't ignore the fact that I have indeed felt a calling to be healthy, to treat my body as a temple, to battle food addiction, turning to God instead of food. My resolve does not hold up to temptation most days. Novelty, excitement, new goals, that can last for a while - but never long enough.

Come on, God.

Let's be honest, He's here. 

So, come on, Nicole.

Oi. Today is an Oi day. 

Oi.

So tell me: How do you keep going? How do you keep up your resolve?

And, HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!! (A day early). Despite my current Oi-ness, I am a thankful American, joyfully celebrating this nation and the God who has blessed it so abundantly. And fireworks make me so happy! Pretty colors!!!

This Doesn't Get Any Easier

I could write a million and one posts about how tiring and wearing exercise and healthy eating can be. Well, truthfully, the exhausting part is keeping at it. When I am in the groove, enjoying the process, feeling energized and productive, that is the best! The trouble comes when I am down, bumming, in a funk and ready for lethargy and comfort food.


Does anyone else understand?! I know you must! There are just too many diet pills, books, and blogs out there not to have a bunch of people who know what I mean. 


In a Bible study I started recently, which I'll be writing more about soon, the first session asked that we ponder these two verses: Galatians 6:9 and Hebrews 11:24-26. In short, the point is to keep going, to not give up, to press forward when things get tough. When I first read these and wrote my response, I was thinking about many other issues and circumstances (mostly to do with moving/change), but it has carried over into my thinking today... It means sticking to my health goals, even when it's the last thing I want to do.


Speaking of my "health goals", the definition is starting to change. Great, more change. For so long I have thought of it as meeting my exercise/calorie quota each day/week and eventually getting to my goal weight. Those are still true, but I'm finding that seeking holistic, consistent health may be more important. If I am meeting all my 'quotas' but having a terrible attitude or falling apart at the drop of a hat, then what does that say about my overall health? balance? stability? Those are just as, if not more so, important, right?


So tell me: What does overall, holistic health mean to you?

Bob & Jillian, Please Ruin My Life

I would LOVE to do a workout with Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper.

Seriously. No joke.

It would hurt. A lot. My pain would feel pain. My woefully underdevelped upper body would hate me for years.

BUT IT WOULD BE. SO. GOOD.

Whenever I watch The Biggest Loser, my favorite part is watching them in the gym. My sadistic nature loves watching Bob and Jillian literally sit on people trying to do push-ups and loving every minute of it. My masechistic nature thinks that kind of torture would be kind of awesome.

You see, I'm afraid of the gym. I face that fear every time I walk over to our apartment complex gym and get on the elliptical or treadmill. But just a little. I'm not using weights or machines. I'm not kicking a large body pillow (okay, that's what they look like to me). I'm doing what I feel comfortable with.

A good friend of mine offerred to take me to the gym and do a workout with her. It would hurt, too. In the good way. And I really want to! I'm not putting it off to postpone the pain or bolster my fear - this one is a scheduling issue. But when I do make it happen, you will hear about it.

When Bob and Jillian are raking contestants over the coals, they are bringing them to the brink. They are forcing them to sweat out emotional baggage and deal with it. They are holding their issues in their faces without mercy - and I can totally see the love in it. Tough love. A lot of us need it. People who let themselves get to be hundreds of pounds overweight need it. I need it.

What those people keep saying is, "I can't do it." I understand! I would say it, too! I totally don't believe that my body could do the workouts those contestants do. And yet they all weigh much more than me and are less fit (at least to start with)! Why do I still think I couldn't sweat it out like they do?

Just last week, I did intervals on the elliptical for 45 minutes. I turned on an old episode of The Biggest Loser, thanks to Netflix on my iPhone (I will never belittle technology), and I sweat it out. Those minutes have never gone by faster. Motivation, distraction, and endorphins. I loved that workout.

This doesn't show my intervals. But I did them, I tell you!

And I've been trying to add little bits of toning here and there. Shoulder presses while I do my figure-eights in my classroom. Crunches before bed. Walking just a bit faster. Hopping up to do something for Kevin or MacDuff instead of staying on the couch. Every little bit helps. (I actually wish I had one of those BodyBug monitors like the Biggest Loser contestants do to track just how many calories I burn in a day; that would be so cool.)

I don't think I could ever maintain fitness based on daily sweats at the gym. It isn't practical for my lifestyle. But a few times a week? Yeah, I could do that. Workouts at home? Going for walks? Hikes? Sure, that seems doable.

I mean, when I think about long-term, when I picture being home with babies someday - I need to picture how I can maintain my weight with all of that. I want to have the energy to run around with my kids, play with them, keep up my home. I want vitality.

This is really about a mindset. A willingness. Self-control. Willpower.

It is about belief.

Belief that my body can do things it's never done.

Belief that my hard work will pay off in the end.

Belief that I'm worth it (and high-priced shampoo, apparently).

And humility. To ask for help. From God, my husband, family, friends.

Humility to go into public, no matter my weight or the state of my workout duds, and doing what needs to be done. Setting an example for my nieces and nephews who look up to me and for my future kids.

Humility to lead by example in the face of fear.

Even fear of a rowing machine.


So tell me: What fear are you overcoming? What are you doing to exercise? How do you keep it fun and interesting?

Weekly Update, and Pan Fried Tilapia

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 5 classroom walks, 45 on elliptical, 20 crunches, 50 crunches (x2), 100 crunches, 10 very sad modified push-ups

Weight Loss: Back to the waiting game.

Last week I started a Weight Loss Competition, told you about my struggles and triumphs, watched (and cried to) a lot of The Biggest Loser, and gained new vigor for my health goals - and, really - my health process. The journey is far more important than the destination. I would go so far as to say that the journey is the destination.

"Enjoy the process" is a phrase that is on my mind. You'll hear more about this, I'm sure.

For now, enjoy one of my favorite new dishes (husband approved!):

Pan Fried Tilapia

I have been using individually packaged tilapia fillets from freezer. Here we have three of those thawed (two are stacked). I weighed (ancient food weight - I need the digital one!) them before cooking them to determine which one would be mine (the 4oz fillet on the left that is 100 calories).

Then I dredged each fillet in the flour mixture, dusting off any excess, before placing (one at a time) them in about 1 tsp of olive oil in a medium-high frying pan.

The flour mixture is about 3 Tbsp of almond flour and about 2 Tbsp of an herb seasoning mixture (basil, parsley, oregano, thyme, sage, and rosemary).

After the each fillet has finished cooking (2-3 minutes each side), I slide them onto a cookie sheet, lined with a cut paper bag, in the oven - which is at about 250 degrees to keep the fillets warm. The paper keeps the fish from sticking to the pan and wicks out excess oil.

Here we have the ingredients (minus the oil) for the sauce to drizzle on top of the pan fried tilapia: 1 Tbsp each (per fillet) of butter (or Smart Balance, in my case), garlic, and lemon juice (I had to supplement with lime juice when the lemon ran out).

After making the sauce, I sauteed the mushrooms in the left over oil and juices as an addition to the plate. (Using the pre-measured left over cooking juices means no additional calories to the meal!)

The set-aside sauce. The "crud", or brown bits, have been picked up from cooking the fish and add great flavor.

The excess oil. So glad we didn't eat all of that!

And, the finished product. Delicious. Healthy. Perfect.

Total calories (4oz tilapia, including 1 cup spinach): 258
Weight Watchers Points Plus: 5

So tell me: What's cookin' in your kitchen?

Measuring Up.

Three things:


1) I would like to get a digital food scale so that I can be really exact about my calories.

December 19, 2009

2) I found some measurments from "before".

I thought I'd share.

The Body. In Inches.

December 30, 2009 (most recent in parentheses, you can also see them here)

BUST: 44.25 (39)

BICEP: 15.75 (14.5)

THIGH: 29.75 (25.5)

WAIST: 40.75 (35)

HIP: 52.5 (46)

That is quite a difference. 23 inches of difference, to be exact. That doesn't even include neck, forearms, calves, or chest (just under the bust).

That number will grow, people. Wait and see!


3) I figured out the calories I eat in a day and compared that to my Weight Watchers Points Plus.

I'll share that as well. I'm a giver.

Calories in a Day (Yesterday, actually!)

(Weight Watchers Points Plus in parentheses)

Breakfast 173.6 calories (4 WW Points+)

12 oz coffee: 3.6 (0)
5 Tbsp fat free half & half: 50 (1)
1.5 Tbsp sugar free hazelnut syrup: 0 (0)
1 Tbsp Stevia: 0 (0)
1 package Quaker instant oatmeal: 120 (3)

Mid-morning Snack 100 calories (0 WW Points+)

Banana (about 100g): 100 (0)

Lunch 255.3 calories (6 WW Points+)

2 cups spinach: 12 (0)
10 salted almonds: 54.3 (2)
1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing: 17 (0)
4 oz cooked plain chicken breast: 120 (4)
1/2 grapefruit: 52 (0)

Afternoon Snack 210 calories (5 WW Points+)

Fiber Plus bar: 120 (3)
Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (2)

Dinner 254.8 calories (5 WW Points+)

Pan Fried Tilapia: 234.8 (5)

• 4 oz tilapia fillet: 100 (3)
• 1 tsp olive oil: 39.8 (1)
• 1 Tbsp almond flour: 40 (1)
• 1 Tbsp light Smart Balance: 50
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice: 0
• 1 Tbsp minced garlic (from a jar): 5

1/4 cup cooked mushrooms: 14 (0)
1 cup spinach: 6 (0)

Dessert 202 calories (5 WW Points+)

1 York Peppermint Patty Mini: 70 (1)
1 Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Mini: 42 (1)
1 Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (3) (The Points are higher on this one because I had two in one day- the Points round up on some items when doubled.)

Total calories: 1,195.7
Total WW Points+: 25


4) I do measrue up. I will measure up.

For the past four months, give or take, on and off, for the most part, I have used 27 WW Points+ per day and somewhere between 35 and 49 extra weekly points. I earn Points for activity also, that I can swap for more food, but I have never done that.

I really do think the Weight Watchers Points Plus Program can work. In fact, I know that it can. It has for me in the past. According to my current weight, I could have 28 Points+ per day, fruits and veggies (mostly) don't have any Points, and then the extra weekly points.

But.

I'm not losing.

Granted, I don't think I've been quite as ardent about my measuring as I could have been. It really does add up.

And my body is in a plateau. Stagnant. It needs things to change.

So...

My plan (always a plan) for the 12 weeks of this Competition:

• Sweat 3 days a week, 45 min. at a time. REALLY sweat.
• Eat only 25 Points+ per day (roughly 1,200 calories).
• No extra weekly Points.
• No matter what.
• No excuses.
• None.

Several of the gals in the Competition offer daily or weekly challenges. I'm going to try to incorporate these as well. Ya know, 50 crunches before bed, 50 stairs during the day, avoided evening snacking, choosing a goal outfit (something I've done several times before, pictures of mine coming soon), cutting out caffeine (ummm.... I don't get it.......), increasing water intake - those kinds of things.

Yes. This is a bit extreme. But I have done it in the past. I can do this. And, because I have been all over the map this week, it won't be 12 full weeks. August 7th is 89 days from today.

Actually, I don't think I've kept to this stringent of a goal for 89 straight days before. Gulp. Big Gulp. The 7-11 kind.


BUT I CAN DO THIS, DAMMIT!!! (Sorry for the swearing, Mom. It probably won't ever happen again.)

(I think this is the part where I sheepishly side-grin and inform you that I am one of those Jesus Following Ladies who swears occasionally. This is a judge-free zone, K? That goes for stretch marks and irrational freak-outs too. Both of which I have to spare.)


Phew, glad I got that out. Can you picture my flailing arms and frizzy hair?


One of my best friends posted this verse on my last post (read her blog here):

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." - Colossians 1:9-14

Thank you, Kristin. I needed that.



So tell me: What do you measure? Any good tips to keep at it for 89 whole days? How are you doing on your goals (of any kind)?

Weight Loss Competition

Though I had seen the Facebook notices for a while, the Hunger-Games-inspired post by a FB friend (also the creator of the competition) got me interested enough to take a look.

A little of this, a little of that, and...

I joined a weight loss competition!!!

One of my best girls joined as well, so this will be so much fun!!!

The competition began Monday and will go until August 7th. Three months. There will be a cash prize for those playing for money (which I am not), and an overall winner from the paying and non-paying combined. The winners will be based on percentage of pounds lost. No specific diet regime is required. This could be a great tool to push me through low moments when I feel like caving to cravings or staying on the couch instead of working out! 


I took a short hiatus in the Weighing Embargo to put in my accurate stats. If I am going to bust my butt to win (or at least have something to show for it), I'd better do this right!


 As of Monday, May 7th:

Weight: 183.2

Body Fat %: 27.79

BMI: 33.5

Height: 5'2"

WPM: 75 (words per minute, in case this helps me lose weight somehow)

Measurements (in inches):

Waist: 35

Hips: 46

Wrists: 6

Forearms: 9.75

Thighs: 25.5

Biceps: 14.5

Neck: 13.5

Bust: 39


Chest: 34.5

Calves: 17.5

[You can see my "before" pictures above.]

Disclaimer: While I am excited to do a competition, and am pretty sure I could give them a run for their money if I worked my butt off - I don't want to lose temporary weight. My goal is to lose permanent weight. This means that if I decide to sacrifice and push - if I really try to win - I'd better be ready to keep off the pounds lost. That is a bit scary to me. The weight has always come back on.

Granted, there will be times in my future when weight will creep back on, I know that. But I don't want to yo-yo violently. And I don't want that to happen often. You know, having babies, life tragedies... It will probably happen at some point. But my goal is to weather those storms/changes well enough that my health is never compromised. That I'm always able to get back in shape, back to a healthy weight.

Given the fact that I do not think I could feasibly change my lifestyle much more right now, my goal is to have some loss to show for it.

[Aside: I started writing this post on Monday afternoon, preparing it for today. I was pretty pumped for the competition and had that "new thing" high going on. Then, the next day, after I weighed - the despair set in. This is where I will dive into Things I'm Afraid to Tell You (a popular blogging trend running rampant through the interweb right now): It was a huge blow to see that I was only two pounds lower than I was in January when I re-started my weight loss initiative. More than two years I have been at this. And, yes, I basically did nothing but gain from February 2011 to January 2012. But I did lose 90 pounds... That's a lot! And I've kept 60 of it off! That's a lot, too! I have to keep reminding myself that I am not starting at square one. My body has become accustomed to this lower weight and increased activity. And plateaued. Plateaued majorly. Heels dug in. Not letting go of those pounds. I am going to have to cry (more), sweat (a lot), and bleed (ouch) to get this body of mine to let go of the pounds it has come to love. Nonetheless, Tuesday was a day of despair. A day of self-loathing. A day to hate diets, hate my body, hate the scale, hate food, hate self-discipline, and hate God for making this so hard. Then- when I admit to myself that I'm hating God, I realize that He is not doing this to me. It simply is. God asks for me to be healthy, to follow Him above all else, and to love. He never promised anything in this life would be easy. Alright, rant over.]

Moving on! Getting excited! Choosing hope and faith and trust!

Already there has been a surge of excitement and community within this long-distance, internet-connected group of gals all hoping to shed some pounds and gain some self-confidence. Sounds right about down my alley, right?


LET'S DO THIS!!!

I could use some healthy competition (ha, healthy, get it?) to get my rear in gear!!!



So tell me: What are you doing to find joy in trial? What reminds you that things will get better? Where does your hope come from?

Weekly Update, and Plateau Perspective

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 4 30-min walks in my classroom

Weight Loss: Still to be continued. :)

So. Puppy.

I love him dearly. But I may have hit the side of his kennel last night in anger. He was screaming!!! Then I got up and went out to the couch. Where I slept for an hour.

Granted, the little guy only screamed for about two minutes. But it was enough to piss me off.

And... when I pick him up to take him out to potty, all the love comes rushing back. He's just so darn cute and cuddly.

Seriously- I'm not going to injure him. Really.

I just may think about it at 2:30 in the morning when I have yet to get more than one hour of solid sleep and have to be up at 6:30.

Or maybe this is all a funny joke I'm telling you guys... Maybe.

So. Exercise.

Less this last week due to some bug I've picked up and am fighting off - not to mention the addition to our home. The bug has yet to vacate, so I may not be doing much more than my classroom walks this week either.

So. Weight loss.

Well, I was able to stuff myself into my old 12 jeans! Woohoo! Muffin top? Oh yeah. Still! They zipped up. And I had to wear something to the vet - MacDuff peed on the other ones on accident.

It's not the same as feeling that I'm really back into them, but it is a small bit of inspiration and motivation. Progress is happening people!!!

And let me tell you...

It's esay to forget the progress I have made over the last two plus years:

This change required hard work

 

Perseverance,

Sacrifice,

and Dedication.

Yes, I regressed some. Gained back 30 pounds.

But that does not a failure make.



Remind me to look at this when I melt down again.

So tell me: How do you keep yourself motivated? How do you let the little things go and focus on positives?