The Swing of Things

"Getting settled" is a bit foreign to me. How does one get settled? How does one get the swing of things?

When I moved away from my childhood hometown to my high school and college hometown, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved to college, a whole five minutes from my parent's house, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved to Mexico for a semester, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved in with my new husband forty minutes from home, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved to Washington one week ago, I cried a lot and I'm having a rough time adjusting.

Apparently that is what "getting settled" means to me. 

In every single situation, what helped me to move past my roller coaster of emotions was routine. A purpose. Something I had to focus on. When I literally don't have time to think, to focus on the change, to project all the horrible (and usually unlikely) possibilities of the future, I fall into routine and feel just fine. The reality of my world seems right and much less frightening. I usually find that everything I've been so afraid of is much better than I had thought. Isn't that how it generally goes?

Well, I'm not at that point yet with this most recent move. But I want to be. Rather than waiting for my surroundings to miraculously give me that settled feeling, I'm being proactive this time. 

Yesterday, I drove to town and ran errands all by myself. One of my big fears about moving is always getting lost. I'm terrible with directions. Simply awful. So when I was able to get to the gym and to Safeway and back home again without getting lost once I was pretty excited. For me, that is an accomplishment.

[Side note: I'm also afraid of the gym. There are skinny, buff people there. When I went to the one at our apartment complex, I went with Kevin - and it was small. Baby steps. So yesterday, walking into the gym was so intimidating. I found the ellipticals. I scouted out the situation. There, in between two gym goers was the machine which most closely resembled the one I used at our old place. Usually I would choose a machine at least one space away from anyone else. You know, like at the movie theater or church? You don't want to sit by people unless you have to or you know them well. So, even though this elliptical was sandwiched in there, I marched right up and claimed my vehicle to future fitness. Once I was on there for a while, I was feeling pretty good! I was moving right along, actually faster than the gal to my right. I glanced at Keeping Up with the Kardashians on her TV once in a while and silently rocked out to my Workout Playlist. I even noticed an awesome rock wall in the middle of the gym and decided I would climb it someday. I was feeling fierce and on top of the world. Then, some blonde, with legs for days, waltzed over to the elliptical machines and reminded me of my noob-ness. She pumped on that thing like an expert. Perfect rhythm. She would do some two-step move each time she switched directions, without missing a beat. And she was moving at least twice as fast as I was. She was tiny, fit, and tan. I called her a not-so-nice name in my head. And possibly out loud when I was telling Kevin my story later on. But I won't tell. And he won't either. Spousal privilege.]

Driving around our new town, figuring out how to get to Safeway so we can eat, how to get to the gym so I can torture myself, and back home so Kevin's State Trooper brother-in-law won't have to come looking for me- all good things. Especially good for helping me to get the swing of things. But that's just part of it. I need more routine than that.

So I'm making one. I don't have a job right now (possibly the first time since I was a senior in high school or living abroad) and therefor don't have a schedule made for me. Kevin is studying for the bar exam everyday, so we are making a schedule for that - but that leaves hours for me to use up. The little things help. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our laundry days. Since we are sharing a well with two other households, we had to schedule out laundry so it doesn't dry up. And since I want to go to the gym at least three times a week, I'll go the other days: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'm sure there will be variances once in a while, but this is a good start for a Planner like me.

We get up, let MacDuff relieve himself, make coffee, eat breakfast, do a short devotion, and Kevin goes to study (in the spare bedroom/office) until lunch. There are always little projects for me to do. Picture frames to fill and hang, laundry, exercising, grocery shopping, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, managing our budget, meal planning, playing/dealing with puppy... 

And part of why I'm not working this month is so that I can relax a bit. I'm so bad at that. But I will give it my best shot. I'm thinking reading, blogging (of course), making our wedding albums (prints and scrapbook), Facebook (duh), that kind of thing. It turns out I'm not very good at relaxing. I feel like there's always some chore I should be doing instead. How very much like my mother I am. So, like my newly retired Mama, I'm trying to allow myself moments of rest and relaxation.

I'm not great at spontaneity. I like plans and routine. Shocking, I know. But I also know that I crave down time that isn't planned down to the minute. Those are the times that I see God best, when I see the blessings in our life, and feel fulfilled and not so drained. But, as our verse from yesterday morning reminded me, "tomorrow will worry about itself", so I need to calm the hell down today. God agrees, I promise.

So tell me: How do you adjust to change? What helps you get settled?

Measuring Up.

Three things:


1) I would like to get a digital food scale so that I can be really exact about my calories.

December 19, 2009

2) I found some measurments from "before".

I thought I'd share.

The Body. In Inches.

December 30, 2009 (most recent in parentheses, you can also see them here)

BUST: 44.25 (39)

BICEP: 15.75 (14.5)

THIGH: 29.75 (25.5)

WAIST: 40.75 (35)

HIP: 52.5 (46)

That is quite a difference. 23 inches of difference, to be exact. That doesn't even include neck, forearms, calves, or chest (just under the bust).

That number will grow, people. Wait and see!


3) I figured out the calories I eat in a day and compared that to my Weight Watchers Points Plus.

I'll share that as well. I'm a giver.

Calories in a Day (Yesterday, actually!)

(Weight Watchers Points Plus in parentheses)

Breakfast 173.6 calories (4 WW Points+)

12 oz coffee: 3.6 (0)
5 Tbsp fat free half & half: 50 (1)
1.5 Tbsp sugar free hazelnut syrup: 0 (0)
1 Tbsp Stevia: 0 (0)
1 package Quaker instant oatmeal: 120 (3)

Mid-morning Snack 100 calories (0 WW Points+)

Banana (about 100g): 100 (0)

Lunch 255.3 calories (6 WW Points+)

2 cups spinach: 12 (0)
10 salted almonds: 54.3 (2)
1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing: 17 (0)
4 oz cooked plain chicken breast: 120 (4)
1/2 grapefruit: 52 (0)

Afternoon Snack 210 calories (5 WW Points+)

Fiber Plus bar: 120 (3)
Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (2)

Dinner 254.8 calories (5 WW Points+)

Pan Fried Tilapia: 234.8 (5)

• 4 oz tilapia fillet: 100 (3)
• 1 tsp olive oil: 39.8 (1)
• 1 Tbsp almond flour: 40 (1)
• 1 Tbsp light Smart Balance: 50
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice: 0
• 1 Tbsp minced garlic (from a jar): 5

1/4 cup cooked mushrooms: 14 (0)
1 cup spinach: 6 (0)

Dessert 202 calories (5 WW Points+)

1 York Peppermint Patty Mini: 70 (1)
1 Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Mini: 42 (1)
1 Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (3) (The Points are higher on this one because I had two in one day- the Points round up on some items when doubled.)

Total calories: 1,195.7
Total WW Points+: 25


4) I do measrue up. I will measure up.

For the past four months, give or take, on and off, for the most part, I have used 27 WW Points+ per day and somewhere between 35 and 49 extra weekly points. I earn Points for activity also, that I can swap for more food, but I have never done that.

I really do think the Weight Watchers Points Plus Program can work. In fact, I know that it can. It has for me in the past. According to my current weight, I could have 28 Points+ per day, fruits and veggies (mostly) don't have any Points, and then the extra weekly points.

But.

I'm not losing.

Granted, I don't think I've been quite as ardent about my measuring as I could have been. It really does add up.

And my body is in a plateau. Stagnant. It needs things to change.

So...

My plan (always a plan) for the 12 weeks of this Competition:

• Sweat 3 days a week, 45 min. at a time. REALLY sweat.
• Eat only 25 Points+ per day (roughly 1,200 calories).
• No extra weekly Points.
• No matter what.
• No excuses.
• None.

Several of the gals in the Competition offer daily or weekly challenges. I'm going to try to incorporate these as well. Ya know, 50 crunches before bed, 50 stairs during the day, avoided evening snacking, choosing a goal outfit (something I've done several times before, pictures of mine coming soon), cutting out caffeine (ummm.... I don't get it.......), increasing water intake - those kinds of things.

Yes. This is a bit extreme. But I have done it in the past. I can do this. And, because I have been all over the map this week, it won't be 12 full weeks. August 7th is 89 days from today.

Actually, I don't think I've kept to this stringent of a goal for 89 straight days before. Gulp. Big Gulp. The 7-11 kind.


BUT I CAN DO THIS, DAMMIT!!! (Sorry for the swearing, Mom. It probably won't ever happen again.)

(I think this is the part where I sheepishly side-grin and inform you that I am one of those Jesus Following Ladies who swears occasionally. This is a judge-free zone, K? That goes for stretch marks and irrational freak-outs too. Both of which I have to spare.)


Phew, glad I got that out. Can you picture my flailing arms and frizzy hair?


One of my best friends posted this verse on my last post (read her blog here):

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." - Colossians 1:9-14

Thank you, Kristin. I needed that.



So tell me: What do you measure? Any good tips to keep at it for 89 whole days? How are you doing on your goals (of any kind)?

Moving: In The Moment

So you may not know this, but my husband and I (and puppy MacDuff, of course) are moving in June. Just under six weeks, to be exact.

Moving requires work. Did you know that?

I was thinking I could snap my fingers, or sprinkle some fairy dust, and the packing and logistics would all take care of themselves.

Not so.

In fact, we must do that ourselves. Boo.

This is when I blow through my lips making horse-like noises. Try not to picture it. Not pretty. Spit everywhere.

Remember how I make lists? Well, this moving business just adds to my insatiable need to make lists. And lists. And some more lists.

And then ignore them completely when the stress of it all becomes overwhelming.

You see, my husband's simple suggestion that we start organizing/packing this week, so as to spread the work out over six weeks, turned into a near-breakdown for me.

  All of a sudden, I was imagining myself on one of those spinning playground discs, holding onto one of the upside-down-U-bars, watching the tasks of life whiz around my head: dog, work, cooking, cleaning, husband, exercise, errands, church, family, friends, getting a job - and then "packing" got unceremoniously thrown in by the hubs. His thought was not only innocent, but trying to think practically to make our lives simpler in the coming weeks. (How silly men can be.)

And yet. I very nearly fell apart. Over the phone. (Am I the only one who struggles with anything important being talked about over the phone? Yes? Okay. Nevermind then, I was just kidding...)

The thing is, I have a really hard time being in the moment. You know what I mean? I am either dwelling on the past or worrying about focused on the future.

Then, the other night at home, I noticed something: When I am on the floor playing with my almost-8-week-old pup, MacDuff, the world stops. It's just him, me, and his little red toy. (Which we are desperately trying to get him to chew instead of our fingers - especially since his sharp little puppy teeth are now coming in.)

I wrestle him around, carefully - he's very small, he growls his toughest puppy growl, and I delight in him. When I have human children someday, and yes, I am thereby saying my MacDuff is my non-human child, I imagine this feeling will be similar. (Strangely enough, this same feeling happens when I play video games with my husband.)

I am in charge of this little guy when I'm with him. He's so small that he could very easily get hurt, or worse, pee on the carpet, when I'm not looking. He requires constant attention. And I gladly give it to him. He is a lot of work. Don't be misled - puppies are A LOT of work. But it is rewarding work. I see him learning, discovering, and it fascinates me. It enthralls me. I have no thoughts of past or future, or anything other than the black little furball scurrying around my floor tripping over his own feet. Well, paws.

I could be worrying about how potty training might scale back a few steps once we move. I could be thinking about that cute DIY vintage suitcase puppy bed I saw on Pinterest. I could be wondering about our finances, asking myself how we will pay for all his puppy needs when I haven't landed a job yet. I could focus on how silly people might think it is to have gotten a puppy right now, that I treat him like he's my baby (which, of course, he is), or that I love putting him in his puppy stroller (true story, you can laugh all you want, it's been a life saver).

But what will any of that accomplish other than stressing me out? Thankfully, I have no time to let those thoughts in when MacDuff is licking my hand or sniffing the shoes (a favored pooping depository - did I just make up a word?).

Why is it that it is so difficult for me to give this kind of rapt attention to whatever task is in front of me? Whether it be doing the dishes, making copies at work, or just hanging out with Kevin, why is it so hard to leave worries behind? Or leave them in the future where they belong?

[And while we're at it, why do I care so damn much about what other people think of me and the things I do? That is the makings of an entirely different post - maybe a series of posts - so it can stay in the limbo of 'query' for now. Oi.]

The verse about turning worries into to prayers comes to mind (Phil. 4:4-6). I'm terrible at this. Yet, when I try, when I trust, my shoulders relax and I am more able to give my undivided attention to my current task.

Let's give this a try:

(If you are the praying sort, feel free to add these to your list.)

Nicole's Worries into Prayers:

* puppy training
* jobs/financial provision
* family/friends
* being less controlled by other's thoughts and opinions
* health/weight/self-image
* peace in the midst of change/turmoil/uncertainty

While I continue to strive for this elusive ability of being 'in the moment', I will play "bark and growl" (awesome game I made up) with my puppy and Mario with my husband. Equally satisfying.


So tell me: What helps you be in the moment? How do you handle your worries? When do you find yourself most in the moment?

Flexibility



Borrowed from: http://kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com/2010/09/handwritten-glimpses-another-bit-of.html

 I am a planner. No, I am not saying I am this planner, a metaphysical exercise in an attempt to be one with my schedule. What I am is a list maker. I have lists for everything. There are sticky notes dotting nearly every page of my hand-written planner. This I try to keep up to date with my electronic calendar (iCal, which awesomely syncs automatically with iCloud to my three OS devices - I'm obsessed with toys and organization). If something needs done, I have to write it down. More than once. I do not just remember things. There is also a calendar on the wall by our kitchen where I write down the big events (though, this is mostly for Kevin's sake). 

I am also a bit OCD. Too many times a friend of mine has taken great joy in flipping up the corner of my throw rug, spinning a figurine to face backwards, or turning a DVD jacket upside down. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! My nieces used to think it was so funny to jump on my bed, once it was made, because they knew it would take everything in me not to force them to get off and then smooth out their terrible wrinkles.

When you put these two superpowers together (here I am using the term superpower loosely), you get: Inflexibility.

That's right. I said it. I am not very flexible. I can touch my toes, but I hate changing my plans. My mother is the same way. It was bound to trickle its way down to me. My dear husband does not suffer from this affliction. He is extremely organized about work and school, but everything else he prefers to leave to chance, happenstance. If it works out, great! If the random idea pops into his head, fantastic! If it sounds like the best thing at the moment, let's go for it!

This combo can cause some friction between these two love birds. He spends so much time focusing his energy into his work that he wants to let loose and not have to think about how the rest of our time is spent. And, to be honest, sometimes his way means we are both much more relaxed. The problem is, I have to plan to be this relaxed and fancy-free. It's my nature.

Example: A while back, I had a couple days off in a row, before the weekend. I knew these days were coming months in advance. Let me tell you, I had a plan for those two days long before they arrived. It mostly involved sitting on the couch reading magazines. Two days to sleep in, relax on the couch, read the articles I never have time to get to, and not worry about a thing. (Note: a plan to relax.) When these amazing two days rolled around, Kevin realized that he needed to run some errands in his home town. "Hey! You have these two days off! We could stay at my parents after we run my errands. We won't have time to do these together before the timeline on these permits runs out."

I could have thought: My husband wants to spend time together since we have to get these things done anyway.

What I did think: He wants to use up MY days off to run HIS errands. And he didn't tell me until the last minute!

This instantly put me on edge. Selfishly, I did not want these two days of possible relaxation to be used up by responsibility. As a single person, I would have spent them on my couch. Maybe I would have gotten a hankering for coffee and socializing and gone down to the local coffee shop. Maybe I would have tried to get together with a friend. It didn't matter, it was up to me. No one else decided how my day off was spent.

Not so in marriage. These are the instances that show me how easy it is to put my needs (read: wants) first and be annoyed at my husband when he voices his own needs, or simply his ideas. It is far easier when I am in control. When I make the plan. When I decide when and what we do. For the most part, Kevin is easy going. He rarely complains. He just goes with the flow. If it weren't for his stubborn streak, a Planner Control Freak like me could bowl him right over. Thank God for knowing what we need more than we do.

I am not very flexible. I want to make the plan and stick to it. I want to put the dishes away myself, because I have a system (and it still confuses him). I would rather work on my own than on a group project. I want to decide who we hang out with and when. If it's my idea, great! If not, I'll have to think about it.

This is a weakness of mine. But I am working on it. God is gracious. So is Kevin.

Sometimes when our plans change, it takes me a few minutes to adjust. Even though it would be great if I could just switch plans without another thought, that just isn't how I'm wired. So I think it through, rationalize the situation (as in, see reality and find the logic, rather than trying to figure out how my way is supreme), and give myself a few minutes for adjustment. Usually this is all it takes. I may be slightly edgy during those minutes, but then it passes. Far better than a car ride filled with tension and unsaid words.

Learning to join two lives into one is no easy task. When folks say that the first year of marriage is always difficult, I think this may be the main culprit. Two lives, two backgrounds, two families, two worlds shoved into one apartment. Mayhem is bound to emerge. But, oh, what sweet, adventurous Mayhem it is!

(Is anyone else thinking of the Allstate Mayhem commercials? No? Just me? The teenage-girl-talking-on-cell-phone is my favorite...Just sayin'.)


So tell me: What quirks or pet peeves hang you up? What do you do about it?