The Swing of Things

"Getting settled" is a bit foreign to me. How does one get settled? How does one get the swing of things?

When I moved away from my childhood hometown to my high school and college hometown, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved to college, a whole five minutes from my parent's house, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved to Mexico for a semester, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved in with my new husband forty minutes from home, I cried a lot and had a rough time adjusting.

When I moved to Washington one week ago, I cried a lot and I'm having a rough time adjusting.

Apparently that is what "getting settled" means to me. 

In every single situation, what helped me to move past my roller coaster of emotions was routine. A purpose. Something I had to focus on. When I literally don't have time to think, to focus on the change, to project all the horrible (and usually unlikely) possibilities of the future, I fall into routine and feel just fine. The reality of my world seems right and much less frightening. I usually find that everything I've been so afraid of is much better than I had thought. Isn't that how it generally goes?

Well, I'm not at that point yet with this most recent move. But I want to be. Rather than waiting for my surroundings to miraculously give me that settled feeling, I'm being proactive this time. 

Yesterday, I drove to town and ran errands all by myself. One of my big fears about moving is always getting lost. I'm terrible with directions. Simply awful. So when I was able to get to the gym and to Safeway and back home again without getting lost once I was pretty excited. For me, that is an accomplishment.

[Side note: I'm also afraid of the gym. There are skinny, buff people there. When I went to the one at our apartment complex, I went with Kevin - and it was small. Baby steps. So yesterday, walking into the gym was so intimidating. I found the ellipticals. I scouted out the situation. There, in between two gym goers was the machine which most closely resembled the one I used at our old place. Usually I would choose a machine at least one space away from anyone else. You know, like at the movie theater or church? You don't want to sit by people unless you have to or you know them well. So, even though this elliptical was sandwiched in there, I marched right up and claimed my vehicle to future fitness. Once I was on there for a while, I was feeling pretty good! I was moving right along, actually faster than the gal to my right. I glanced at Keeping Up with the Kardashians on her TV once in a while and silently rocked out to my Workout Playlist. I even noticed an awesome rock wall in the middle of the gym and decided I would climb it someday. I was feeling fierce and on top of the world. Then, some blonde, with legs for days, waltzed over to the elliptical machines and reminded me of my noob-ness. She pumped on that thing like an expert. Perfect rhythm. She would do some two-step move each time she switched directions, without missing a beat. And she was moving at least twice as fast as I was. She was tiny, fit, and tan. I called her a not-so-nice name in my head. And possibly out loud when I was telling Kevin my story later on. But I won't tell. And he won't either. Spousal privilege.]

Driving around our new town, figuring out how to get to Safeway so we can eat, how to get to the gym so I can torture myself, and back home so Kevin's State Trooper brother-in-law won't have to come looking for me- all good things. Especially good for helping me to get the swing of things. But that's just part of it. I need more routine than that.

So I'm making one. I don't have a job right now (possibly the first time since I was a senior in high school or living abroad) and therefor don't have a schedule made for me. Kevin is studying for the bar exam everyday, so we are making a schedule for that - but that leaves hours for me to use up. The little things help. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our laundry days. Since we are sharing a well with two other households, we had to schedule out laundry so it doesn't dry up. And since I want to go to the gym at least three times a week, I'll go the other days: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'm sure there will be variances once in a while, but this is a good start for a Planner like me.

We get up, let MacDuff relieve himself, make coffee, eat breakfast, do a short devotion, and Kevin goes to study (in the spare bedroom/office) until lunch. There are always little projects for me to do. Picture frames to fill and hang, laundry, exercising, grocery shopping, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, managing our budget, meal planning, playing/dealing with puppy... 

And part of why I'm not working this month is so that I can relax a bit. I'm so bad at that. But I will give it my best shot. I'm thinking reading, blogging (of course), making our wedding albums (prints and scrapbook), Facebook (duh), that kind of thing. It turns out I'm not very good at relaxing. I feel like there's always some chore I should be doing instead. How very much like my mother I am. So, like my newly retired Mama, I'm trying to allow myself moments of rest and relaxation.

I'm not great at spontaneity. I like plans and routine. Shocking, I know. But I also know that I crave down time that isn't planned down to the minute. Those are the times that I see God best, when I see the blessings in our life, and feel fulfilled and not so drained. But, as our verse from yesterday morning reminded me, "tomorrow will worry about itself", so I need to calm the hell down today. God agrees, I promise.

So tell me: How do you adjust to change? What helps you get settled?

Weekly Update, and Meal Planning - HA!

Weekly Update:

Exercise: Two 25-min walks in my classroom, one 30-min walk with Kevin.

Weight Loss: To be continued.

Oofta.

This last week was a week of indulgences and "breaking the rules". Still didn't binge or eat mindlessly, so that's good.

And it wasn't bad. It was just a week of thinking, planning, and feeling tired.

All in all, it was a good week. And I have a burst of energy to get me through my next endeavor: 4 weeks of kicked-up exercise.

Here's the plan:

• Continuing to exercise/walk during my lunch break most days
• Exercising (more intensely than I have been) 5 days a week for 30 min at a time.
• Cut out all "extra" Points.

This really isn't a change from my program (if I can call it that) since January. Instead, this is a boost, an addition.

My hope is to break through my weight plateau. I won't know from the scale, but I will know from my clothes. If I can get down a few pounds, it will help my motivation - and keep me from pulling out my hair!

So stay tuned! Keep telling me about your stories!


Something else that can make me want to pull out my hair: meal planning.

See below. :)

Planning dinner for the week is not really my forte. There are several meals that we default to, though, which get cycled through often: white chicken enchiladas, spaghetti (I usually use spaghetti squash in place of pasta), Nalley Vegetarian Chili and green beans (both from cans), the lentil soup, burritos, sandwiches, and pizza (delivery), to name a few. Of course, I always add a veggie of some sort, but we stick to a pretty slim (though tried and tested) variety.

Recently there was a Groupon deal for a year's worth of e-Mealz at half the usual price. The ladies from this website create weekly menus desiged for various family sizes, dietary needs, and some specific stores (such as Wal-mart, where they can create a menu based on weekly sales). Each week you get an email with your plan: a menu for 5 dinners, recipes for each, and a shopping list broken down into grocery store sections. I looked into this last summer and decided it was really neat, but not the right timing. As you may have guessed, I went ahead and took advantage of this deal. Even if I don't stick to it exactly, it can't hurt to have 52 weeks of menus/recipes, right?

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Jump forward many weeks. The above draft post has been on pause for awhile.

The idea was nice.

In fact, I do meal plan... sort of.

But my hope of doing even one full week of the e-Mealz has yet to happen.

Again, the idea was nice. And I have many great recipes, tips, and tricks to meal planning and saving money piling up in the cookbook section of my pantry thanks to this helpful site.

I can say that it has helped me get the hang of weekly meal planning, even if not in the same way.

Here's what I have to work with:

• limited grocery budget
• cooking for two
• cooking for one who has a refined palate (a.k.a. he's a picky eater)
• cooking from scratch every night is not realistic with our schedule
• we don't mind having the same meal week after week
• limited calorie budget (mostly for me)

So what we end up with is a creative combination. Lately, I have been attempting to meal plan on Monday mornings, knowing that I will be doing a "big grocery shop" on my way home from work.

Just because I know you are so curious, I'll share some of my meal planning/ shopping wisdom (feel free to laugh incessantly at the loose use of the word wisdom):

Food Staples:

• Lucerne Lite Yogurt (I try to have one every day) (2 WW Pts. each)
• Strawberry Lucerne or Yoplait yogurt (for the hubs)
• Full fat sour cream
• Fat free sour cream
• Smart Balance, light
• Sandwich Thins
• Oroweat Original Oatnut bread

Weekly Produce:

• bananas
• apples
• tangerines
• broccoli
• spinach
• baby carrots
• celery (when we make the lentil soup)
• vine tomatoes
• onion

Alternates:

• grapes
• grapefruit
• berries
• expensive apples
• grape tomatoes
• avocado
• cucumber
• asparagus
• fresh garlic
• mushrooms
• spaghetti squash
• yellow squash
• zucchini

Non-perishable goods we like to keep stocked:

• Green beans
• The Nalley vegetarian chili
• diced tomatoes
• tomato sauce
• corn
• Classico Four Cheese pasta sauce
• Chili beans
• kidney beans
• spaghetti
• lentils
• cereal

When Monday rolls around again, I make my grocery list, making sure I restock anything we used from our "keep stocked" list the previous week. I also don't like to shop too much during the week, and not at all on the weekend if possible, so I try to get it all on Monday.

If there are some great sales, I might pick up something off-list. If I spent part of my day looking through recipes, I might note additional items to cook something new. But mostly, we know what we like and try to stick to that.

Here are our favorites right now:

• The lentil soup, as ever. Though we have added baked bacon and roasted mushrooms as sides. So. Good.
• Spinach salad with diced chicken. I've been using pre-cooked Tyson grilled chicken breasts- great for quick meal nights.
• Roasted or steamed broccoli as a side.
• Chili. This is a one-pot, fairly quick and easy meal that basically entails throwing everything I find in the pantry that might work. It hasn't failed me yet! We got a little burned out on the canned chili, but it is great in a pinch.
• Burritos. Pretty typical - fat free refried beans, tortillas, cheese, sour cream (fat free, for me), avocado (if we have it), diced tomatoes.
• Sandwich of some kind. Egg, egg salad, turkey, roast beef, etc. Add a salad and some side and you're good to go!
• Haystacks. At least, that's what my family always called them. It is very much like a taco salad. Each person builds there own from the following: Frito's, cheese, canned chili (or ground meat, or refried beans), lettuce, sour cream, avocado, diced tomatoes, onion. The possibilities are endless. This is a great go-to for company (or picky eater) because each person gets to make their own according to their taste.

Each week I create a meal plan for the week of dinners (excluding the weekend, which we leave open to whatever comes up), write my corresponding grocery list, and remind myself that my plans rarely occur "just so" - so I'm just being prepared - anything could happen!

It's amazing how much easier this has gotten over time. I used to stress a lot more about meal planning, and everything else for that matter. I'm starting to mellow a little. We have our routines, they work for us, and we are both trying to roll with the punches, allowing wiggle room for the unexpected. This is SO not my greatest strength, but I'm trying. Having a practiced person-of-spontaneity at my side is extremely helpful.

Organized chaos, chaotic organization. Living life in the balance!


So tell me: How do you meal plan? What things in life do you organize knowing it will need wiggle room?

Flexibility



Borrowed from: http://kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com/2010/09/handwritten-glimpses-another-bit-of.html

 I am a planner. No, I am not saying I am this planner, a metaphysical exercise in an attempt to be one with my schedule. What I am is a list maker. I have lists for everything. There are sticky notes dotting nearly every page of my hand-written planner. This I try to keep up to date with my electronic calendar (iCal, which awesomely syncs automatically with iCloud to my three OS devices - I'm obsessed with toys and organization). If something needs done, I have to write it down. More than once. I do not just remember things. There is also a calendar on the wall by our kitchen where I write down the big events (though, this is mostly for Kevin's sake). 

I am also a bit OCD. Too many times a friend of mine has taken great joy in flipping up the corner of my throw rug, spinning a figurine to face backwards, or turning a DVD jacket upside down. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! My nieces used to think it was so funny to jump on my bed, once it was made, because they knew it would take everything in me not to force them to get off and then smooth out their terrible wrinkles.

When you put these two superpowers together (here I am using the term superpower loosely), you get: Inflexibility.

That's right. I said it. I am not very flexible. I can touch my toes, but I hate changing my plans. My mother is the same way. It was bound to trickle its way down to me. My dear husband does not suffer from this affliction. He is extremely organized about work and school, but everything else he prefers to leave to chance, happenstance. If it works out, great! If the random idea pops into his head, fantastic! If it sounds like the best thing at the moment, let's go for it!

This combo can cause some friction between these two love birds. He spends so much time focusing his energy into his work that he wants to let loose and not have to think about how the rest of our time is spent. And, to be honest, sometimes his way means we are both much more relaxed. The problem is, I have to plan to be this relaxed and fancy-free. It's my nature.

Example: A while back, I had a couple days off in a row, before the weekend. I knew these days were coming months in advance. Let me tell you, I had a plan for those two days long before they arrived. It mostly involved sitting on the couch reading magazines. Two days to sleep in, relax on the couch, read the articles I never have time to get to, and not worry about a thing. (Note: a plan to relax.) When these amazing two days rolled around, Kevin realized that he needed to run some errands in his home town. "Hey! You have these two days off! We could stay at my parents after we run my errands. We won't have time to do these together before the timeline on these permits runs out."

I could have thought: My husband wants to spend time together since we have to get these things done anyway.

What I did think: He wants to use up MY days off to run HIS errands. And he didn't tell me until the last minute!

This instantly put me on edge. Selfishly, I did not want these two days of possible relaxation to be used up by responsibility. As a single person, I would have spent them on my couch. Maybe I would have gotten a hankering for coffee and socializing and gone down to the local coffee shop. Maybe I would have tried to get together with a friend. It didn't matter, it was up to me. No one else decided how my day off was spent.

Not so in marriage. These are the instances that show me how easy it is to put my needs (read: wants) first and be annoyed at my husband when he voices his own needs, or simply his ideas. It is far easier when I am in control. When I make the plan. When I decide when and what we do. For the most part, Kevin is easy going. He rarely complains. He just goes with the flow. If it weren't for his stubborn streak, a Planner Control Freak like me could bowl him right over. Thank God for knowing what we need more than we do.

I am not very flexible. I want to make the plan and stick to it. I want to put the dishes away myself, because I have a system (and it still confuses him). I would rather work on my own than on a group project. I want to decide who we hang out with and when. If it's my idea, great! If not, I'll have to think about it.

This is a weakness of mine. But I am working on it. God is gracious. So is Kevin.

Sometimes when our plans change, it takes me a few minutes to adjust. Even though it would be great if I could just switch plans without another thought, that just isn't how I'm wired. So I think it through, rationalize the situation (as in, see reality and find the logic, rather than trying to figure out how my way is supreme), and give myself a few minutes for adjustment. Usually this is all it takes. I may be slightly edgy during those minutes, but then it passes. Far better than a car ride filled with tension and unsaid words.

Learning to join two lives into one is no easy task. When folks say that the first year of marriage is always difficult, I think this may be the main culprit. Two lives, two backgrounds, two families, two worlds shoved into one apartment. Mayhem is bound to emerge. But, oh, what sweet, adventurous Mayhem it is!

(Is anyone else thinking of the Allstate Mayhem commercials? No? Just me? The teenage-girl-talking-on-cell-phone is my favorite...Just sayin'.)


So tell me: What quirks or pet peeves hang you up? What do you do about it?