Nine Months of Marriage on a Waistline.

Kevin and I have been married for nine months.

That means it has been one year and seven months since we met.

That also means I have not lost (and kept off) one pound for over a year and seven months.

Losing weight as a single person was a totally different Beast than what I face today. That ugly thing realizes just how hard it is to be a wife, putting my husband first, and still take care of myself - and it wants blood. This is not one of those cute monsters under the bed with one eye and a penchant for dry humor; this is a blood-thirsty animal that will stop at nothing to discover whether or not I could be as wide as I am long.

Some days are better than others, but to be truthful, I haven't had that zeal and focus for losing weight since before I met the hubs. Don't get me wrong, being married is the greatest gift from God I could have received; Kevin is my biggest supporter and constant encourager. It's me, not him.

Telling myself it is "okay" to spend more time at the gym and less time at home (usually after several hours of working at the coffee shop) is so hard to do. Taking any time for my own health that might take away from "us" time seems like the end of the world sometimes. And beyond all of that, it has just been really hard to keep myself motivated.

Why am I doing this? 

I had a list, and it really is true. All of it. But it barely stands up to The Beast (or The Stash) on a good day; it cowers in fear on the bad ones. 

The thing is, I know why. It really comes down to one simple truth: I feel better when I take care of my body.

And taking care of my body requires regular exercise and healthy eating.

It really is that simple.

I am a better me when I am actively pursuing my best health.

Lots of things get in the way. That's life. And sometimes, I really, truly okay with that. A down weekend every now and then is actually NOT the end of the world. A dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cup mini now and then is actually quite necessary - to my mental health. AND I love food! I love to cook, to bake, and to eat! That's not going to change.

And folks, I do know how to do this. I've done it! I know the facts, the info, the details, the theories... I just have to do it. Little by little. 

And it is oh, so hard. It doesn't get easier to tackle The Beast. I'm back up to 200 pounds. Now you know. I'm not even close to perfect. I'm going backwards on the scale. It is discouraging in so many ways. And yet I choose to force a good attitude and keep trying. (At least that is how I feel right now, we'll see in about 20 minutes...)

I've been going to the gym more often and eating salads for lunch. I've also been drinking 64 ounces of water a day, at least. It's a start. Well, it's more like a continuance. It just keeps going.

It's been a long time since I have really talked to you all, rather than show you pictures and tell you about yummy things I've made. That's all wonderful, and I love to do it, but sitting down to write about how I am is much harder. It takes more time, thought, and energy - things I don't have to spare very often. I'm working about 30 hours a week, which is a total God-send, and that doesn't leave much time for blogging after housekeeping/running, especially when I am also making time for my health.

So bear with me, okay? I think about you all the time. Keep reading. Keep responding. And keep going on whatever goal you are aiming for. 

We'll never be perfect, but we can at least keep going. 


So tell me: How are you coming on your goals? How do you keep motivated?

On the Road Again

Ranch mixed with Czar's Pinot & Pepper Sauce, chopped romaine lettuce, toasted almonds (1.5 minutes on a baking sheet under the broiler), crumbled goat cheese, blackberries (from my mom's driveway), and mesquite steak strips. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Friends, it has been awhile since we really talked. Long enough for me to forget what I told you lately that wasn't mostly comprised of narrative pictures and captions.

Let's recap the last few years of my life, shall we? Just for fun.

- Began losing weight in January of 2010
- Started a 10 month MAT program in June of 2010
- Met Kevin January 2011
- Finished my program in April 2011
- Got engaged July 2011
- Started a new full-time job (40 minutes from Kevin and from home) September 2011
- Married November 2011, moved in with Kevin and out of my parent's home
- Helped my husband through back surgery and recovery December 2011 through March 2012
- Started trying to lose my gained-back 30 pounds in January 2012
- Joined a weight loss competition in May 2012, ended last week, I didn't even do a final weigh-in
- Finished my job and moved three hours away with Kevin end of May 2012
- June and July were spent preparing Kevin for the bar and starting my new job
- August has thus far been spent working, Kevin working, and wondering how 8 months have passed without any pounds lost... and most likely a gain.

So, not to be a complete whiner, but there has been a lot packed into a short time. There's plenty more I could add to the list, but the basics give you the idea. No one died, no tragedies happened, but it has been a very full, sometimes difficult time nonetheless.

The motivation to get to the gym and really stick to healthy eating is missing in action.

But, I can't wear the clothes I wore last summer. That is depressing.

I was looking at pictures from one of my bridal showers last night and just loved the way I looked then. I want to get back there! Even if I didn't go much further, that would be a great place to be!

Kevin is so supportive and would do anything to help me, but it still has to be me who sweats and puts healthy food in my mouth - and says no to the crap. 

I feel a bit like a lost cause. I'm not drowning in despair, I'm just feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Ya know?

So this is today. Yesterday is gone, never to return. If God can look at me, love me, and believe that I am beautiful and worth fighting for, then I should believe it too. 

I'm not making any proclamations, I'm just telling you about today. 

Tomorrow will come, I'll let you know how it goes.


So tell me: How do you get motivated in times like these?

Weekly Update, and Cooking - Lots of Cooking

Weekly Update

Exercise: No exercising last week. Again...

Weight Loss: Same thing...

Victories/Struggles: I didn't binge, I didn't pay much attention. That about sums it up.

Last week was full of family, friends, the holiday, and food. So, having my house clean and all relationships intact is a win for me today. And I have a date to work out with a friend on Wednesday. That should help me get back into the swing of things, right?

AND I started my new job as a barista. For the fourth time in my life. So far I have worked 13 hours over 4 different days. Lots learned, lots to learn, and hopefully I won't lose tons of sleep to early morning shifts!

Something else that has taken up tons of my time lately is:

Lots and Lots of Cooking

I'm trying to make food in bulk that can be sectioned into portions and frozen, mostly for Kevin's lunches. And it doesn't hurt to have go-to meals when I'm in a pinch. Above is our favorite: slow cooker lentil soup. Always a delight.

BBQ salmon.

Red lentils, flavored with coconut milk and curry powder. Recipe here. (I used curry instead of the called-for turmeric.)

10 bean soup.

Whole wheat and corn flour bread.

Split pea soup, which I blended to a smooth finish.

Green bean casserole.

Hot quinoa tossed with steamed/chopped broccoli and roasted/chopped mushrooms and garlic.

Caramelizing onions.

Salmon again. This time with garlic, butter and lemon.

The finished onions. So tasty!

Other dishes to grace my kitchen lately: garlic red lentils (these are like mashed potatoes in texture, but are actually a legume!), corn cake, coconut curry and basil chicken, butterscotch sauce (ice cream topping), slow cooker salsa chicken, and I am making chicken stock with the leftover part of a rotisserie chicken right now!

So tell me: What recipes do you recommend for fun dinners?

Weekly Update, and the 4th

Weekly Update


Exercise: Umm... didn't happen.


Weight Loss: No idea. Didn't check. (Probably a good thing...)


Victories/Struggles: Well...

• I felt fat for a few days
• I felt bloated most of the week
• I ate lots of junk
• I actually don't feel too terribly bad about it, because
• Because there are more important things sometimes
• I spent time with friends, family, and kept my house clean
• I am feeling (again) like I can't reach my weight goal

I don't have the results I want. I can't seem to really stick to anything. As my husband so wisely points out, I have to have motives that will last me through the whole process; the good times, the bad times, the hard times, the easy times. I'm thinking about a Dickens novel... "It was the best of times and the worst of times..." Anyway...

I'm not super happy at size 14 (pants) and 180 pounds, give or take a few depending on the week.

When I'm really on it, I'm working out three times a week for about an hour at a time. I even have a gym membership, remember? Paid in full through August, even if the budget tightens later on...

And that Weight Loss Competition? Oi. 

I don't know, you guys. Why is this so hard?

I feel like Eeyore. He was pleasantly rotund. Well, not pleasantly, I suppose.

Today has been a good eating day so far. That's something, right? And the 4th is tomorrow... Burgers. BURGERS!!! Chips. CHIPS!!! Oi.

I don't want to make some proclamation about getting through yet another holiday without falling off the wagon. I'll be too disappointed when it doesn't happen. I get to be with my parents, my in-laws, neighbors, friends, and one of my beautiful little nieces (from Oregon) who isn't so little anymore. That's more important than a pant size in the long run.

But I can't ignore the fact that I have indeed felt a calling to be healthy, to treat my body as a temple, to battle food addiction, turning to God instead of food. My resolve does not hold up to temptation most days. Novelty, excitement, new goals, that can last for a while - but never long enough.

Come on, God.

Let's be honest, He's here. 

So, come on, Nicole.

Oi. Today is an Oi day. 

Oi.

So tell me: How do you keep going? How do you keep up your resolve?

And, HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!! (A day early). Despite my current Oi-ness, I am a thankful American, joyfully celebrating this nation and the God who has blessed it so abundantly. And fireworks make me so happy! Pretty colors!!!

This Doesn't Get Any Easier

I could write a million and one posts about how tiring and wearing exercise and healthy eating can be. Well, truthfully, the exhausting part is keeping at it. When I am in the groove, enjoying the process, feeling energized and productive, that is the best! The trouble comes when I am down, bumming, in a funk and ready for lethargy and comfort food.


Does anyone else understand?! I know you must! There are just too many diet pills, books, and blogs out there not to have a bunch of people who know what I mean. 


In a Bible study I started recently, which I'll be writing more about soon, the first session asked that we ponder these two verses: Galatians 6:9 and Hebrews 11:24-26. In short, the point is to keep going, to not give up, to press forward when things get tough. When I first read these and wrote my response, I was thinking about many other issues and circumstances (mostly to do with moving/change), but it has carried over into my thinking today... It means sticking to my health goals, even when it's the last thing I want to do.


Speaking of my "health goals", the definition is starting to change. Great, more change. For so long I have thought of it as meeting my exercise/calorie quota each day/week and eventually getting to my goal weight. Those are still true, but I'm finding that seeking holistic, consistent health may be more important. If I am meeting all my 'quotas' but having a terrible attitude or falling apart at the drop of a hat, then what does that say about my overall health? balance? stability? Those are just as, if not more so, important, right?


So tell me: What does overall, holistic health mean to you?

Weekly Update, and Whole Wheat Baking

Weekly Update


Exercise: 60 min. elliptical; 30 min. elliptical


Weight: I didn't weigh this last week. Probably a good idea...


So last week.


It seemed to fly by. I had coffee with a new friend here in town, which was wonderful. It is so exciting and comforting to find some normalcy and familiarity - not to mention really good coffee. Grocery shopping, cooking, Kevin and I visited a church, cleaning, went to a woman's Bible study, laundry, first time having friends over for dinner, budgeting, pretty much the usual story. My eating was so-so. I tracked my calories maybe three days... maybe even less than that.


I'm in a slump. A funk, if you will. Not that surprising considering all the recent change in my life, but not any fun either. I think I am starting to have more good days than bad. That's an improvement, right?


I'm finally writing this at 9:30 at night, when I had hoped to have it posted at 10 this morning. So that may be part of why my tone is less than jovial. Nonetheless, my head is full of processing and recipes and shopping lists, so I will leave you with baked whole wheat goods as promised and come to you tomorrow when my brain is a little less frazzled and fuzzy:


Because I only had whole wheat flour on hand the day we had dinner guests, I had to improvise. All of a sudden, I really wanted some desserts for our friends! Flipping through my Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook revealed two promising recipes: Shortbread and yellow cake cupcakes. Even though I had not really used much whole wheat flour prior, I decided to experiment anyway. (And I made both chocolate and regular powdered-sugar-based icing to cover, just in case.)

The shortbread turned out to be quite delicious. The chocolate icing wasn't so bad either...


Then I used one-third of the yellow cake recipe (substituting whole wheat flour for all-purpose), and had just enough for my mini-muffin pan. Perfect! These were soft, moist, and quite tasty!

Together with the coconut basil curry chicken (same cookbook) and coconut curry red lentils (Pinterest), this meal was a hit!

So tell me: What good and healthy recipes are you feeding your favorite people?

Dryer Lint

Last night I was in need of my handy husband's assistance.


You see, I like to use the dryer sheet to get the excess lint from the lint trap. I didn't know that there's a hole/slot that things can fall into. I found out.


So, Kevin had to use a very long serving spoon, inside-out tape, and some plastic straws to save us all from a future burning disaster.


Husbands are so helpful.


It's been a while since I've written anything to you, friends. Adjusting to a temporary homemaker's schedule has been more time consuming than I had thought. Amazingly enough, the laundry and dishes do not do themselves if left long enough. And the dog absolutely wants to scratch at my legs when I'm trying to go to the bathroom. And the elliptical does not burn calories for me unless I'm actually on it. Weird.


A bit late: Weekly Update


Exercise: (last week) 3-mile walk outside, 1 hour on elliptical, 35 min on elliptical


(and some trampoline time that may or may not have required changing of panties afterward... just like the coughing and sneezing... once I have babies, I'm just screwed.)


Weight Loss: 178.4 .......... That's up a pound. Boo.


So my Monday consisted of pajamas, couch, pouting, Food Network, and peanut butter on a spoon... covered in chocolate chips. Oops.


And to be perfectly honest, I have not been watching my weekends. You know? I work really hard for five days and then let loose on the weekend. Add bloating from too little water and weight gain is bound to happen. Even if it is water weight. Again, boo.


Even though I was totally content asleep (right), it was a good wake up call. Too bad the peanut butter answered before I could get to it...


I know I've said it before, but one day at a time, friends. It's the best I can do. And truly, that's all God is asking of me. Remove the weights and burdens from my shoulders and place them in the hands of One who is waiting patiently to take what was never mine to begin with.

It is often hard for me to see, but I am surrounded by blessings and God's provision. If only I could remember to breathe long enough to take stock of these answers to prayer and moments of joy and solace that are so needed.


The sun is shining today. Summer is officially here. MacDuff is running after his red ball each time I toss it around the apartment. Kevin is studying. My coffee is delicious. Music is playing. My Matron of Honor is going to have a baby. We are having friends over for dinner tomorrow night for the first time in our new home. I haven't gotten lost while driving alone yet. Technology allows me to stay in touch with my favorite people. Greek yogurt (Fage) and honey is the perfect breakfast. So You Think You Can Dance will tape on our DVR tonight. I wake up next to my best friend everyday. The hot water doesn't run out during my showers here (which it did in our old place).

It's the little things, right?




So tell me: What are you thankful for today?

Weekly Update and Flying Ants

Weekly Update


Exercise: Two 45-min pumps on the elliptical. Chasing after puppy? I'll go ahead and count it. 


Weight Loss: I will weigh in three weeks from now.


Victories/Struggles:

• did not over eat at a Bon Voyage party over the weekend
• went on 4-wheelers for the first time and didn't die!
• kept my schedule to start going to the gym once moved
• bought a new pair of jeans, size 14, one size down from what I've been at
• caught up with our budget/planning
• tracked my food all week/weekend
• enjoyed delicious lemon cupcakes with raspberry filling and buttercream frosting made by one of my besties 
• finally put up wedding pictures (six months after the wedding)
• did crunches/sit-ups/modified push-ups at least three nights last week

So another week has gone by. Soon Kevin and I will have been here for two whole weeks! Almost everything in the apartment is done, just small details now. That is such a good feeling. Waking up to a bug crawling on my face is not such a good feeling.


I'm not kidding.

We thought it must be raining because we can always hear it on the skylight above our bed. When I opened the blinds to look outside, all I saw was sunshine and blue skies. Hmm. That's weird. Then all of a sudden I started noticing little black spots all over our bedspread. Where are these little critters coming from? We've been seeing (what I call) little black flying ants for the last several days in random places around the apartment, though they seem to be originating from the bedroom.


This is where I freaked out. Bugs crawling all over my bed. And face. And alarm clock. Kevin decided to check the skylight because we have a silver thing shoved up there to cover it so that the light won't come in fully and wake us up. All he had to do was pull one end down a bit and a whole bunch of those bugs came out. EEEWWWW!!!! I. WIGGED. OUT.


Then I told Kevin that as the man of the house, he was in charge of killing them. All. Dead. Now. 


We got MacDuff out of there, and I ran into the other room while Kevin inspected the situation. Towels laid out over the bed and bug killing spray all up in that skylight resulted in a lot of dead bugs polka dotting my linens. I am going to get Taro to entice those critters to take it home to their clan. Die, Bugs, die!


And that was the first 20 minutes of my dad.


Funnily enough, it put us all into a slightly amused mood. Add a little coffee, a three mile walk with my mom-in-law and neighbor, meeting adorable donkeys, and white cheddar popcorn and I've had a pretty good day so far! 


I'm starting to feel more and more settled. When Kevin and I were driving back from Oregon on Saturday night, I felt like we were on our way home. It wasn't quite the same feeling as before, but it will get there. One day at a time, right? 


It's an adjustment. And the little things really do help. Like taking time to pray together, read a verse or chapter of Scripture in the morning, taking time to just chat in the evenings instead of always having the TV on, taking time for myself to simply be and relax (not always working on the to-do list), playing with MacDuff, fashioning a watering "can" from an old Sobe Lifewater bottle for the window herb garden my mom got for me. 


I'm breathing. It helps. Change is hard. But I have to remember that worrying will never lessen my stress or add an hour to my life. Though I keep on trying... Hmm.


Random thought- I made up a vegetable soup last night without a recipe and it was really good. I'll have to share it with you all some time. 




So tell me: What helps you to breathe? Any funny stories lately?

Weekly Update, and I'm Back!!!

Weekly Update


Exercise: Moving lots of boxes. Up and down stairs. It counts.


Weight Loss: 177.4 - that's 5.8 pounds down from four weeks ago when I weighed 183.2.

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Victories/Struggles:

• Didn't track my food during the week of packing/moving
• Didn't do any intentional exercise during that time either
• I moved A LOT of boxes and furniture
• In fact, I was so sore the first morning after our move day; my whole body ached!
• I am back to tracking
• I signed up for a local gym membership
• I weighed and lost!

What a crazy week it has been since we've last talked.

My husband and I packed up all our belongings, ate Taco Bell (Fresco for me!) in the car (as there was no where to sit in the apartment), and moved two hours away from our first married home with the help of our parents.

Move day was pretty incredible. So many things surprised us. Nothing really went according to plan. Typical, right? Both sets of parents helped us without any tension or awkwardness. I don't have to explain to you how it could be awkward when one set of parents is sending away their daughter to live with the other set... All well intentioned, well meaning, yet sometimes it can be difficult in these situations. And it went incredibly well. I'm so thankful. We honestly could not have done it without their help.

Funny story: movers. The people we hired to move our crap from the apartment to the truck. Then the other two guys that were hired to move our crap from the truck to the storage unit, and the rest into our new apartment. The first pair were pretty inexperienced. Very slow, one was constantly on his cell phone when not bossing the other guy around, and my mother-in-law had to explain to them how best to load the truck. And since the U-Haul place had the wrong truck for us, we had three feet less in length to get stuff packed in to. Which is why Kevin had to go rent a tiny trailer, and buy a hitch, to fit the rest of our stuff. 

Let me say, as an aside, in the middle of my funny (more ironic than "ha ha"), we had THREE SUV's, ONE 14-FOOT UHAUL TRUCK, ONE SMALL TRAILER, and we still needed to fill my parent's van with the remanding belongings. That's after we threw away TONS AND TONS of garbage, took two loads to Goodwill, and had a giveaway pile for Kevin's cousin who is starting college in the fall. SERIOUSLY??!! That's way too much crap for two people. Now that we are more or less settled in, we have even more garbage, Goodwill stuff, and more for storage. Next time we move, even more will go. We are only keeping the stuff that we would need for another apartment or house (this apartment had quite a bit of stuff from his folks already). 

Anyway, the second set of movers were incredible. They pulled up to the storage unit, jumped out, and immediately started running. Dollies from the truck, long rope, Mountain Dew, and they were off. Mike arranged our storage unit like a game of Tetris: everything has a place, it is all fairly accessible, and we fit WAY more in there than we thought possible. They unloaded the U-Haul and trailer in about an hour. It took about five hours for the youngsters to load it all up. That's part of it, I'm sure. The second guys have been doing this for about 20 years, I'd say - and they know how to work together. 

One of our first guys, also Mike, was in his second week on the job. He showed up 30 minutes late, but had a great attitude the whole time. Very polite. But pretty slow. Right at the end of the process, after we paid them for the two extra hours it took to load everything, Mike started telling us a bit of his story as he was thanking us and apologizing again for being late and making mistakes with loading the truck. He said that he and his wife were separated, and would have gotten a divorce, but he gave his life to the Lord recently and was working things out with his wife. My mom told him that we were all Christians there, and he said he could tell because we weren't fighting or cursing. Interesting, right? In the middle of a crazy, busy, hectic day, a young man tells us journey with and without God and with no provocation. Somehow, we, the crazy young marrieds with their crazier parents, bore witness to the character of Christ by honoring Him with our words and actions under stress and pressure. We had no idea anyone was watching us. We were stressed and distracted. Praise God for blessings among chaos.

Mike and Dell, the second set, told us they were pretty sure they could have fit everything in the truck so we wouldn't have had to spend another $100 in gas and rental for the trailer. Hmm. Let's just hope that's not true.

Did I mention that moving costs a lot of money? Really. I mean. It cost way more than we thought. And WAY MORE than I thought. Kevin has done this several times, so he had a better idea of what we would be shelling out. Ouch. That's all I gotta say. Well, I'll also say that we are trusting God to provide.

We, well, I, am trying not to freak out about money right now. It's tight. Very tight. Enter some phrase about shoestrings that means we don't eat out or buy anything but groceries. And I could look for a job right now, but Kevin and I were really feeling led to take some time of rest after we moved. He has the bar to study for, I want to get settled, and we just want some time to chill, to relax.

The wife of one of Kevin's friends worked at a drive-thru coffee kiosk, about 25 minutes from our apartment, until recently. She knew I would be looking for work, and have done coffee for many years, and passed along this information to her former bosses - a Christian family. I was told to give them a call. So I did. You know what? They will most likely have a place for me - but probably not until July sometime, maybe August. What?! So.... this would be a job I've done before... a job I really enjoy... part-time... close to home... and I wouldn't have to start for at least month??? Wow. Waiting for God's timing is so difficult, so nebulous, but He keeps His promises. This job may not pan out for one reason or another, but I feel good about our decision to wait a while. 

So, since Tuesdays and Thursdays are my laundry days, the washer and dryer are humming away. Kevin is studying. Puppy is napping. Our apartment is basically done except for a few small details (decorations mostly). And I'm back to blogging. Blessings among the chaos. I'm a blessed lady. 

Tomorrow I'll give you some sneak peaks of the place (final pics will have to wait until all the details are done - I'm a bit OCD...). So stay tuned!

So tell me: What blessings are you finding among chaos?

Weekly Update, and Victories & Struggles

Weekly Update:


Exercise:

• Monday: 30 min walk; 45 min elliptical; 50 crunches
• Tuesday: 30 min walk; 100 crunches; 7 sit-ups; 10 modified push-ups
• Wednesday: 30 min walk; 45 min elliptical; 100 crunches; 10 sit-ups; 10 modified push-ups; 20 sec (2x) wall sit; 10 lunges per leg
• Thursday: 30 min walk
• Friday: 45 min elliptical; 100 crunches; 10 sit-ups
• Saturday: sunburn from Kevin's outdoor graduation
• Sunday: 50 crunches, 25 sit-ups, 10 modified push-ups

Weight Loss: I'm thinking I might weigh in two weeks from now. Four weeks in between. That should give me a good idea of how I'm doing.


I'm going to add a new section to this Weekly Update,


Victories & Struggles:

• Last week was Staff Appreciation Week, which apparently meant that the staff needs lots of food - mostly the unhealthy kind. Twice I had kids come to my room and offer me cookies and bagels with cream cheese. I said no to the cookies, but said I would take all the love; the second time I took an apple; the third time I took some watermelon. Then when there was candy in my mail box, I picked it up and gave it to some kids in my after school program. No, I do not want to promote childhood obesity, but I just knew I couldn't keep it myself.
• I started bringing some foods from home to slowly cut back on my processed foods. This ended up being Greek yogurt and honey for breakfast and salad for lunch. My salad included: 2 cups lettuce, 10 almonds, 1/4 cup diced bell pepper, 1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing, 4 oz roasted 99% fat free chicken breast, and about 1/2 cup of orange slices. Absolutely delicious. And the yogurt/honey combo might be even better. I had these two different days. It's a start!
• After doing a lot of research, reading, listening, and searching over the last 2.5 years, I know A LOT about nutrition/health/weight loss. The trouble is, everyone has a different opinion. Every "expert" says something different. It can be so confusing for me to piece together what is the best for my body, what will help me lose weight the most and keep it off. I'm not looking for quick, easy answers, but some consistency would be so helpful. This is why so many people struggle with their weight! Who are you going to listen to? I want to simply listen to my own body, but I can't - I've trained it to want the wrong things and avoid movement. That is what it tells me to do whenever things aren't perfectly peachy.
• I did my elliptical workout on Wednesday when I REALLY didn't want to. For whatever reason, I misunderstood Kevin about something when I first got home and my mood swung a 180 in about 3 seconds flat. At that moment, I was going to sit down, watch TV, eat any junk food I could find (or just non-junk food in abundance), and not do my workout. I was snippy with Kevin, angry at the puppy for wanting to play, and it was not pretty. Thankfully, I had my new obession with Season 11 of The Biggest Loser (via Netflix) to pull me out of the quagmire pretty quickly. By the time Kevin got back from his haircut, I was back. The distraction and motivation of the show helped a lot. In fact, I started watching the show on my phone while I was doing my elliptical pumps at the gym. It really made the workouts fly by.
• I DID A SIT-UP!!!!! On Tuesday night, I did a sit-up. Then I did seven more. Then I did at least 10 the subsequent nights. It was a huge milestone for me. I am learning what my body is truly capable of, not assuming limitations will hold me back. What a great moment.
• I am loving this Weight Loss Competition. The community there has already been so supportive, motivational, and inspirational. It is incredible how helpful community can be. This is something I have been missing ever since I stopped going to my Weight Watchers meetings. Sitting in a room with people who truly understand your struggle is liberating and relieving. Even if it is long distance and over the internet, I am getting a sense of that now through a Facebook Event page. I am so thankful I decided to join.
• On Saturday night, after Kevin's graduation and family reception (at our apartment), we decided to order pizza. Right then, I would have been fine to eat one slice, one breadstick, and some salad. But I didn't even track all my food... and I ate 3 slices of pizza, two cheesy breadsticks, three of Kevin's buffalo wings, and way too many cookies leftover from the reception. Didn't write down anything. I had no idea how many calories I'd eaten in the day. This is NOT the way to handle weekends or special occasions. Then on Sunday, I didn't want to keep track, and I wanted a burger and onion rings. I finally did sit down and calculate out my calories for Saturday and Sunday (and decided on veggies and yogurt to finish out Sunday), and had to instantly forgive myself for going over. Yes, I should have thought about all of that before I ate way too much on Saturday night and felt super full and bloated - but at least I went back and wrote everything down. Victory and struggle.

So my week was full of ups and downs. Pretty typical, I'd say. I didn't stay exactly to my plan of not eating beyond my daily calorie count no matter what - but I did write everything down (even if a little late). Victories and struggles. I did get in the gym three times and walk all of my work days. And most nights I did sit-ups, crunches, and push-ups. Progress, people. Progress.

As I said, I went way over on Saturday and some over on Sunday. To balance that out, I'm going to work out an extra 15 minutes each time I'm on the elliptical this coming week. And I'm going right back to my usual eating routine today. I'll also try to drink extra water to flush out all the junk I put into my system over the weekend.

Well, now you know. It's all out there. And I'm glad. :)


So tell me: What are your recent victories? Struggles? How do you move on from set backs?

Bob & Jillian, Please Ruin My Life

I would LOVE to do a workout with Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper.

Seriously. No joke.

It would hurt. A lot. My pain would feel pain. My woefully underdevelped upper body would hate me for years.

BUT IT WOULD BE. SO. GOOD.

Whenever I watch The Biggest Loser, my favorite part is watching them in the gym. My sadistic nature loves watching Bob and Jillian literally sit on people trying to do push-ups and loving every minute of it. My masechistic nature thinks that kind of torture would be kind of awesome.

You see, I'm afraid of the gym. I face that fear every time I walk over to our apartment complex gym and get on the elliptical or treadmill. But just a little. I'm not using weights or machines. I'm not kicking a large body pillow (okay, that's what they look like to me). I'm doing what I feel comfortable with.

A good friend of mine offerred to take me to the gym and do a workout with her. It would hurt, too. In the good way. And I really want to! I'm not putting it off to postpone the pain or bolster my fear - this one is a scheduling issue. But when I do make it happen, you will hear about it.

When Bob and Jillian are raking contestants over the coals, they are bringing them to the brink. They are forcing them to sweat out emotional baggage and deal with it. They are holding their issues in their faces without mercy - and I can totally see the love in it. Tough love. A lot of us need it. People who let themselves get to be hundreds of pounds overweight need it. I need it.

What those people keep saying is, "I can't do it." I understand! I would say it, too! I totally don't believe that my body could do the workouts those contestants do. And yet they all weigh much more than me and are less fit (at least to start with)! Why do I still think I couldn't sweat it out like they do?

Just last week, I did intervals on the elliptical for 45 minutes. I turned on an old episode of The Biggest Loser, thanks to Netflix on my iPhone (I will never belittle technology), and I sweat it out. Those minutes have never gone by faster. Motivation, distraction, and endorphins. I loved that workout.

This doesn't show my intervals. But I did them, I tell you!

And I've been trying to add little bits of toning here and there. Shoulder presses while I do my figure-eights in my classroom. Crunches before bed. Walking just a bit faster. Hopping up to do something for Kevin or MacDuff instead of staying on the couch. Every little bit helps. (I actually wish I had one of those BodyBug monitors like the Biggest Loser contestants do to track just how many calories I burn in a day; that would be so cool.)

I don't think I could ever maintain fitness based on daily sweats at the gym. It isn't practical for my lifestyle. But a few times a week? Yeah, I could do that. Workouts at home? Going for walks? Hikes? Sure, that seems doable.

I mean, when I think about long-term, when I picture being home with babies someday - I need to picture how I can maintain my weight with all of that. I want to have the energy to run around with my kids, play with them, keep up my home. I want vitality.

This is really about a mindset. A willingness. Self-control. Willpower.

It is about belief.

Belief that my body can do things it's never done.

Belief that my hard work will pay off in the end.

Belief that I'm worth it (and high-priced shampoo, apparently).

And humility. To ask for help. From God, my husband, family, friends.

Humility to go into public, no matter my weight or the state of my workout duds, and doing what needs to be done. Setting an example for my nieces and nephews who look up to me and for my future kids.

Humility to lead by example in the face of fear.

Even fear of a rowing machine.


So tell me: What fear are you overcoming? What are you doing to exercise? How do you keep it fun and interesting?

Weekly Update, and Pan Fried Tilapia

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 5 classroom walks, 45 on elliptical, 20 crunches, 50 crunches (x2), 100 crunches, 10 very sad modified push-ups

Weight Loss: Back to the waiting game.

Last week I started a Weight Loss Competition, told you about my struggles and triumphs, watched (and cried to) a lot of The Biggest Loser, and gained new vigor for my health goals - and, really - my health process. The journey is far more important than the destination. I would go so far as to say that the journey is the destination.

"Enjoy the process" is a phrase that is on my mind. You'll hear more about this, I'm sure.

For now, enjoy one of my favorite new dishes (husband approved!):

Pan Fried Tilapia

I have been using individually packaged tilapia fillets from freezer. Here we have three of those thawed (two are stacked). I weighed (ancient food weight - I need the digital one!) them before cooking them to determine which one would be mine (the 4oz fillet on the left that is 100 calories).

Then I dredged each fillet in the flour mixture, dusting off any excess, before placing (one at a time) them in about 1 tsp of olive oil in a medium-high frying pan.

The flour mixture is about 3 Tbsp of almond flour and about 2 Tbsp of an herb seasoning mixture (basil, parsley, oregano, thyme, sage, and rosemary).

After the each fillet has finished cooking (2-3 minutes each side), I slide them onto a cookie sheet, lined with a cut paper bag, in the oven - which is at about 250 degrees to keep the fillets warm. The paper keeps the fish from sticking to the pan and wicks out excess oil.

Here we have the ingredients (minus the oil) for the sauce to drizzle on top of the pan fried tilapia: 1 Tbsp each (per fillet) of butter (or Smart Balance, in my case), garlic, and lemon juice (I had to supplement with lime juice when the lemon ran out).

After making the sauce, I sauteed the mushrooms in the left over oil and juices as an addition to the plate. (Using the pre-measured left over cooking juices means no additional calories to the meal!)

The set-aside sauce. The "crud", or brown bits, have been picked up from cooking the fish and add great flavor.

The excess oil. So glad we didn't eat all of that!

And, the finished product. Delicious. Healthy. Perfect.

Total calories (4oz tilapia, including 1 cup spinach): 258
Weight Watchers Points Plus: 5

So tell me: What's cookin' in your kitchen?

Weight Loss Competition

Though I had seen the Facebook notices for a while, the Hunger-Games-inspired post by a FB friend (also the creator of the competition) got me interested enough to take a look.

A little of this, a little of that, and...

I joined a weight loss competition!!!

One of my best girls joined as well, so this will be so much fun!!!

The competition began Monday and will go until August 7th. Three months. There will be a cash prize for those playing for money (which I am not), and an overall winner from the paying and non-paying combined. The winners will be based on percentage of pounds lost. No specific diet regime is required. This could be a great tool to push me through low moments when I feel like caving to cravings or staying on the couch instead of working out! 


I took a short hiatus in the Weighing Embargo to put in my accurate stats. If I am going to bust my butt to win (or at least have something to show for it), I'd better do this right!


 As of Monday, May 7th:

Weight: 183.2

Body Fat %: 27.79

BMI: 33.5

Height: 5'2"

WPM: 75 (words per minute, in case this helps me lose weight somehow)

Measurements (in inches):

Waist: 35

Hips: 46

Wrists: 6

Forearms: 9.75

Thighs: 25.5

Biceps: 14.5

Neck: 13.5

Bust: 39


Chest: 34.5

Calves: 17.5

[You can see my "before" pictures above.]

Disclaimer: While I am excited to do a competition, and am pretty sure I could give them a run for their money if I worked my butt off - I don't want to lose temporary weight. My goal is to lose permanent weight. This means that if I decide to sacrifice and push - if I really try to win - I'd better be ready to keep off the pounds lost. That is a bit scary to me. The weight has always come back on.

Granted, there will be times in my future when weight will creep back on, I know that. But I don't want to yo-yo violently. And I don't want that to happen often. You know, having babies, life tragedies... It will probably happen at some point. But my goal is to weather those storms/changes well enough that my health is never compromised. That I'm always able to get back in shape, back to a healthy weight.

Given the fact that I do not think I could feasibly change my lifestyle much more right now, my goal is to have some loss to show for it.

[Aside: I started writing this post on Monday afternoon, preparing it for today. I was pretty pumped for the competition and had that "new thing" high going on. Then, the next day, after I weighed - the despair set in. This is where I will dive into Things I'm Afraid to Tell You (a popular blogging trend running rampant through the interweb right now): It was a huge blow to see that I was only two pounds lower than I was in January when I re-started my weight loss initiative. More than two years I have been at this. And, yes, I basically did nothing but gain from February 2011 to January 2012. But I did lose 90 pounds... That's a lot! And I've kept 60 of it off! That's a lot, too! I have to keep reminding myself that I am not starting at square one. My body has become accustomed to this lower weight and increased activity. And plateaued. Plateaued majorly. Heels dug in. Not letting go of those pounds. I am going to have to cry (more), sweat (a lot), and bleed (ouch) to get this body of mine to let go of the pounds it has come to love. Nonetheless, Tuesday was a day of despair. A day of self-loathing. A day to hate diets, hate my body, hate the scale, hate food, hate self-discipline, and hate God for making this so hard. Then- when I admit to myself that I'm hating God, I realize that He is not doing this to me. It simply is. God asks for me to be healthy, to follow Him above all else, and to love. He never promised anything in this life would be easy. Alright, rant over.]

Moving on! Getting excited! Choosing hope and faith and trust!

Already there has been a surge of excitement and community within this long-distance, internet-connected group of gals all hoping to shed some pounds and gain some self-confidence. Sounds right about down my alley, right?


LET'S DO THIS!!!

I could use some healthy competition (ha, healthy, get it?) to get my rear in gear!!!



So tell me: What are you doing to find joy in trial? What reminds you that things will get better? Where does your hope come from?