Kevin and I have been married for nine months.
That means it has been one year and seven months since we met.
That also means I have not lost (and kept off) one pound for over a year and seven months.
Losing weight as a single person was a totally different Beast than what I face today. That ugly thing realizes just how hard it is to be a wife, putting my husband first, and still take care of myself - and it wants blood. This is not one of those cute monsters under the bed with one eye and a penchant for dry humor; this is a blood-thirsty animal that will stop at nothing to discover whether or not I could be as wide as I am long.
Some days are better than others, but to be truthful, I haven't had that zeal and focus for losing weight since before I met the hubs. Don't get me wrong, being married is the greatest gift from God I could have received; Kevin is my biggest supporter and constant encourager. It's me, not him.
Telling myself it is "okay" to spend more time at the gym and less time at home (usually after several hours of working at the coffee shop) is so hard to do. Taking any time for my own health that might take away from "us" time seems like the end of the world sometimes. And beyond all of that, it has just been really hard to keep myself motivated.
Why am I doing this?
I had a list, and it really is true. All of it. But it barely stands up to The Beast (or The Stash) on a good day; it cowers in fear on the bad ones.
The thing is, I know why. It really comes down to one simple truth: I feel better when I take care of my body.
And taking care of my body requires regular exercise and healthy eating.
It really is that simple.
I am a better me when I am actively pursuing my best health.
Lots of things get in the way. That's life. And sometimes, I really, truly okay with that. A down weekend every now and then is actually NOT the end of the world. A dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cup mini now and then is actually quite necessary - to my mental health. AND I love food! I love to cook, to bake, and to eat! That's not going to change.
And folks, I do know how to do this. I've done it! I know the facts, the info, the details, the theories... I just have to do it. Little by little.
And it is oh, so hard. It doesn't get easier to tackle The Beast. I'm back up to 200 pounds. Now you know. I'm not even close to perfect. I'm going backwards on the scale. It is discouraging in so many ways. And yet I choose to force a good attitude and keep trying. (At least that is how I feel right now, we'll see in about 20 minutes...)
I've been going to the gym more often and eating salads for lunch. I've also been drinking 64 ounces of water a day, at least. It's a start. Well, it's more like a continuance. It just keeps going.
It's been a long time since I have really talked to you all, rather than show you pictures and tell you about yummy things I've made. That's all wonderful, and I love to do it, but sitting down to write about how I am is much harder. It takes more time, thought, and energy - things I don't have to spare very often. I'm working about 30 hours a week, which is a total God-send, and that doesn't leave much time for blogging after housekeeping/running, especially when I am also making time for my health.
So bear with me, okay? I think about you all the time. Keep reading. Keep responding. And keep going on whatever goal you are aiming for.
We'll never be perfect, but we can at least keep going.
So tell me: How are you coming on your goals? How do you keep motivated?
I have desperately needed the social life to help me in this transition where very difficult changes just keep jumping into my life. And that seems to come served with food and drink, and that food is comfort food, and does comfort. Not being able to wear my clothes is not comfortable.I gave away all the clothes that would fit me now telling myself I never wanted to go back. And, I didn't want to. But, that was the only way I have learned to make the hard times better. Even for a few moments. So sad. And now I have some health issues and I deserve it. Also sad. I am currently holding steady and going down a little because I am trying to make healthy choices. I so believe in taking care of your health. If I can just learn a healthy way to take care of my mental health. Little baby steps. I am trying and will keep trying. Hope you do too.
ReplyDeleteI wish you lived closer to up here so you could work out with me. It is much easier to stick with good exercise and eating habits when you have an accountability partner as well as a group that is struggling with eating healthy. My stress levels before the start of school with my brother-in-law living with us for 6 months (who has atrocious eating habits) made things rough. I gave up for a week and a half before school started. I was at 160 before I stopped trying to eat healthy got up to 169 by the end of the week and a half. Now, to be fair, I didn't just stop watching what I ate I also stopped caring what a normal portion size was of the foods I was eating. I have been back on my healthy eating for about 3-4 days now and I have been able to get back to 162. It is always amazing to me how quickly my body wants to get back to the healthy foods it was enjoying prior to my binging. (only took 6-7 months to get it to do that, UGG). I haven't gotten back to my normal exercise just my classes on Monday-Wed and my running group (usually just me walking) on tuesday. The only way healthy eating has been able to work for me is I focus on fiber. It keeps me full for a much longer period of time and I try to throw in healthy snacks between meals so my body is used to eating 5 small meals a day. I don't buy any bread that doesn't have at least 4 grams of fiber per slice (if you look in a store that usually doesn't give you many options) as any less than that I am hungry before I should be and I CAN'T stand being hungry. Lately my healthy snacks are including a fruit and about 6 raw unsalted almonds or 1/4 cup shelled unsalted pistachios. I found that if I don't throw a healthy fat into my snacks I get run down throughout the day. I rarely eat salad. They don't seem to keep me full very long so unless I am adding it to another meal I don't eat them on their own. Play around with what foods are healthy that keep you full if a healthy food isn't helping you stay satisfied for at least 2 hours or makes you feel lethargic it might not be a good fit for your body or you may have to add something to it. If you ever just need to talk or vent about this process feel free to call or text :) It sucks, trying to change, one thing I have started that is kind of fun and not too hard to do that you might want to try to add to your workout is the Couch to 5k or C25K app you can get for your smartphone. Or I also use the Nexercise app which can give you coupons and makes working out into a game. I struggled hard with choosing hubby time with health time. Only recently has he started doing this stuff with me which has been a true blessing to me. I don't know how Kevin is with walking but one of the best things to add into a nightly routine after dinner (to keep your metabolism working especially if dinner had a lot of carbs) is to walk even casually for 30-35 minutes before you settle in the for the night. Good Luck Nicole, don't look back and judge yourself just make a plan that works for you, look forward and take one step at a time. I know you can do this.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Jones