Wicked-ly Wonderful

For those of you who do not know about this amazing Broadway musical, please inform yourself. Really. Now. Go do some research. Start here.

The first time I heard the soundtrack to Wicked was my senior year of high school - so some time between Fall '04 and Spring '05. I read the book, by Gregory Maguire, somewhere in there and was a bit disappointed. Thankfully, in my opinion, the musical is the sugar coated Disney-fied version of the book (though Disney has no association with the musical, as far as I know).

The story is simple. A girl is born green, has a penchant for magic, and ends up befriending a WASPy blond and a lazy, but oh-so-handsome rebel. There's a love triangle, more magic, an Emerald City, and at the very end, a young girl and her little dog, too. See? Simple.

This story could be described as the prequel to The Wizard of Oz.

The Original Broadway Cast.

What I love about this incredible musical is the music, first and foremost. As a theatre degree holder, I also greatly appreciate the sets, costumes, light and sound design, and dancing. The dragon above the proscenium is amazing; the Emerald City costumes are intricate and so innovative; the transitions are smooth and keep the illusion of the world intact.

But the part that gives me chills and literally brings me to tears is the music. Such was certainly the case when the hubs and I went to see this amazing show last week. (And it was Kevin's first time seeing it!)

When Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, blasted out "Defying Gravity" at the end of the first act, I was squeezing Kevin's leg and trying to keep the misty tears in my eyes from ruining my make-up. (You see, I spent an hour primping for the show - fancifying myself and all - and didn't want to leave with Kiss-like streaks down my cheeks.) Every time Elphie let loose, belted out, let 'er rip I got chills.

Even though she far out-shined the rest of the cast, in my oh-so-humble opinion, there was more about Elphie that caught my attention than her phenomenal pipes: she is a strong, confident woman. That character owns the stage from the moment she stomps onto stage. This assurance of self is even more palpable when it is tempered with moments of true vulnerability, visible even from 200 feet away.

This speaks to both the actress and the character. Together they created a girl I want to emulate. My goals may be different, as I'm not very magically gifted and I don't think I can help the talking Animals, but that confidence - that willingness not to care about other's opinions - I want that. I am that. Sometimes, anyway.

That's why, even though I had said I probably wouldn't have time, I shaved my legs and underarms (happens less than I'd like to admit), donned my going away dress (the first dress I've worn since my wedding day over four months ago), and very carefully prettified my face with my favorite make-up products. I even tried some metallic green eye shadow to match my black dress (must sport the Wicked colors, you know!) and wrap. I even attempted to do something interesting with my hair! (And I really only know two styles - up and down.)

When I looked in the mirror, I felt sexy. When my husband came home a few minutes earlier than I expected and could barely get out a clear sentence when he saw me, I felt even sexier.

Work...................................................Wicked.

Let me tell you why this is unique: most days I roll out of bed, slap on some work-appropriate clothes, and kiss Kevin as I grab the coffee he so graciously made and head out the door. If I'm feeling particularly festive, I'll put on some mascara using the little mirror inside my classroom closet. When I'm worried my boss might make another comment about how tired I look (thanks a bunch, dude - doesn't make me want to punch you in the nose at all), I might make time to put on some concealer and foundation. And again, the hair is either up or down - depending on when I last washed it. Thank God my husband still thinks I'm cute!

So, that glaringly honest admission gives you an idea of the singularity that is me getting all dolled up.

Moving along: I felt sexy and confident the whole night. Even though my neck had broken out in the last week for no apparent reason, my thighs stuck together due to sheer hugeness, and my wide-ass (sorry, Mom) feet refused to fit properly into little strappy shoes (even though they are technically wide shoes) - I felt more than content with my body, with myself. Even though I am still fighting discouragement about my weight plateau, even though my goal weight seems centuries away, and even though I silently envied some of those tiny actresses on stage, I was able to remember my worth, my progress, and my gratitude that I have the means to fight this weight battle.

This feeling made it even easier to relate to Elphaba as I watched her find her footing and bravely stand up for her beliefs. Her confidence grew, the actress' charisma shined through, and I really wanted to be Elphaba up there.

[Funny side note: The actress playing Elphie shushed/seated the audience after the curtain call. She then told us that this was the very first performance for the gal playing Glinda, an understudy. Then she said that wasn't the only reason she wanted to talk to us. For a brief moment, I thought I might get that chance to be her. I actually imagined her saying, "And now, I would like to invite Nicole to the stage to join us in an encore number!" Umm... it didn't happen. I felt a little (okay, a LOT) silly when she then told us about the Broadway's event to help fight AIDS and HIV and asked that we each make a cash donation at the door... A girl can dream, right?]

I may not have gotten to sing on stage with that amazingly talented cast, but I walked away feeling as exhilirated as though I had.

Where was I? What is my point anyway? Hmm.

In an effort to sum up:

• Go see Wicked someday
• It gives me chills
• I want to play Elphaba on stage one day
• I love getting dressed up and feeling sexy
• I want to translate that confidence to my everyday norm of teacher clothes and harried schedule
• My boss needs some tact lessons 

If you got any of that out of the rambling, congratulations! You are gaining skills in how to understand this crazy ginger! :-) And now you also have an idea of how amazing it is that Kevin not only understands, but can usually know what I'm going to say before it's out.

And, that's all I have to say about that.


So tell me: What is your favorite musical? When do you feel sexiest? What do you like to get all dolled up for?

40 Reasons to Push Through

Reasons why I want to be healthier. Reasons to keep going. Reasons to get up and exercise when I do NOT want to. Reasons to avoid the fatty foods. Reasons to push me through times of lethargy and stress. Reasons to remind me why I am doing this.


1. To no longer be "obese" on the BMI scale
2. To be able to shop in ANY store, and not just the "big girl" section

3. To have a closet full of clothes that I love and know fit me
4. To easily fit in the bathtub (accomplished!)
5. To have energy to get up and do things I love
6. To have energy to get up and do things I have to do
7. To have better control over my emotions (it is AMAZING how different my emotional swings are when I exercise regularly and eat well)
8. To be the best wife I can to my wonderful, supportive husband
9. To be at optimal health before I start having kids ('cuz it's certainly not gonna get any easier once I start poppin' 'em out!)
10. To not run out of breath whenever I climb stairs (accomplished!)
11. To fight the risk of diabetes (which runs rampant on both sides of my family)
12. To treat my body as a God-given temple
13. To go running outside
14. To run a 5k (accomplished!)
15. To armor myself with tools to fight food addiction
16. To be a good example to my nieces
17. To raise a healthy, active family
18. To fit into a pair of jeans that look great and are comfortable (accomplished!)
19. To get those Nike shoes I have my eye one! (only 8 lbs. to go!)
20. To have a great excuse to buy adorable workout gear

21. To walk in shorts without the awkward bunching

22. To be able to cross my legs when I'm sitting (accomplished!)

23. To have the confidence to do gym classes

24. To eat normally, free of bingeing
25. To feel more comfortable wearing shorts, skirts and dresses - without my thighs chafing

26. To walk into a room without assuming I am the largest person there (accomplished!)

27. To travel to a foreign country without being asked if I'm pregnant

28. To do the things I want to do, to not be held back by fears or insecurities

29. To have the confidence and courage to date (accomplished!)

30. To maintain a healthy weight (give or take a few pounds) for a whole year

31. To have a belly that, though perhaps not flat, does not "lap over my belt"
32. To have muscle tone (I swear I have no upper body strength)
33. To work out in a gym, not just my living room (accomplished!)
34. To learn when my body is hungry and when it is satisfied
35. To cook and eat smart, not just tasty (though tasty is important!)
36. To be able to wear a strapless wedding dress and feel beautiful (accomplished!)

37. To fit into a pair of cute rain boots (okay, I actually don't know if my cosmic calves will ever fit into rain boots, but here's hoping!)
38. To feel sexy (I know my hubs thinks I am, but I don't always think so)
39. To sleep better (when I am eating healthily and exercising often, I fall asleep faster and sleep longer)
40. To run a 10k

Window Shopping

True story: Sometimes I avoid trying on clothes in the store because I know it could lead to an emotional breakdown. Of course, this always happens after I have been really on plan, working like crazy, and think that I am FOR SURE down a size. Then nothing looks good. NOTHING. If I'm lucky, I can get out of the dressing room without crying.

However. There are some days when everything I try on makes me feel cuter and slimmer. Rare but AMAZING days. The following pictures were taken on such days. (Somehow that sounded like the lead-in to a Law & Order episode...)

I still want a sweater like this.

A few years ago I started doing this thing where I would take pictures of clothes I was trying on in dressing rooms (on the good days). This is not an attempt to steal fashion ideas... from Goodwill. ;-) Actually, this has been a way for me to visualize what kind of outfits look best on me and have a visual representation of my progress. Once I started losing weight, and got under my lowest as an adult, I really didn't know what clothes I was looking for when I would go shopping. So I would try on several outfits and take a picture of each one. It is also fun to look back and watch my shape and available outfits change as I lost weight!

Another advanatge of this fun little habit is being able to see what something looks like in a picture before I buy it. Or I can remember a style from The Gap and try to find something similar at Target or Goodwill.

For those of you who do not shop at Goodwill, I can understand. BUT if you are willing to take the time to sort through ALL the clothes, you can often find great deals. Many times I have come away with clothing items originally from The Loft, The Gap, or Old Navy - still with the original tags!

[Side note: I hate shopping in the "Big Girls" section. And trust me, that is exactly what I did for the first twenty-two years of my life (give or take a few years in the baby isle). Every time I would get to the Maternity/Plus Size divide in Target, I would look around hoping no one saw me. It was even embarrassing to show the attendant my items before I went to try them on. The colored tabs so vividly gave me away. I clearly remember the first time I was able to try on clothes from the "regular" section. Elated doesn't even begin to cover it. There is no shame in trying on the clothes that fit you - but I felt shame knowing I had let myself get to a place I so badly did not want to be. Even now, I have a hard time finding something that fits my short/curvy stature at consignment or boutique shops. My feet even betray me with their boat-like shape. Shoes do not usually look "super cute" in wide. Frustrating.]

 

The cardigan I have; the top I want!

The last time I needed new clothes was when I started my new job, as an assistant in the ESL department at a middle school. My wardrobe wasn't very teacher-y, and I was down a few sizes anyway. So I took  my $200 and went to Goodwill to see what I could find. About $80 later, I had 4 button-up tops, 2 sweaters, 2 pairs of slacks, 1 pair of jeans, and 1 pair of incentive pants. (Once I have gotten to a new lowest pant size, I buy a pair of pants in the next size down to motivate me to keep going.) The great thing about Goodwill is that it allows me to have a decent wardrobe without the cost. It would be too expensive to buy a whole new wardrobe every time I go down a size; so I try to buy "in between" clothes that are inexpensive, can look nice for a couple sizes, and that I can return to Goodwill when I have shrunk out of them without feeling a huge loss.

I love the color and detail of this top.

With my left over budget I got a few sale items from The Gap, one of my favorite stores, and had enough at the end to get my slacks altered to fit me perfectly. Now that I have had some clothing altered, I hope to continue this with my wardrobe. Putting on a smaller pair of pants feels great, knowing that it will fit you perfectly feels even better!



So tell me: Do you have any habits like this that help you reach your goals?