Update

Not so much weekly.

I'm a little behind.

My house is fairly clean. The dishes are mostly done. The food is pretty much prepared (for this and next week).

It's been an up and down week. Good and bad days. Nothing too fancy or horrific.

You know?

Feeling down about my body, nothing new there. Feeling excited about gardening and canning this summer, which is actually very new.

Dreaming about the future with my husband. Planning our dream home in our minds as we fall asleep.

Shaving down MacDuff for the summer and feeling like we got a brand new dog.

Haven't exercise in a long time; unless you count the weeding I did yesterday (which my hamstrings do).

Watching "House" with Kevin in the evenings as we eat dinner. And in the mornings when neither of us work.

Having married adventures like slug dissection and Cricut card making.

The last week or so has been good and bad, up and down, boring and exciting, lonely and life-giving, crazy and normal.

All in all, I am content. Not always happy, but content. 

God is good. So is coffee. And dark chocolate. And dogs. And especially, marriage.


So tell me: How are you?

Ruth.

The past two weeks I have begun delving into the book of Ruth with a woman's Bible study group. This isn't the first time I've read through this story, but it is the first time I've really pulled it apart with the intent of truly learning more than the surface list of events.

No matter the subtext, the truths behind the story that we cannot truly know, her emotions and motives, it is clear that Ruth was an incredible woman. As the tagline of the devotional by Kelly Minter reads, this is a story of loss, love, and legacy. Ruth lost a husband, and her brother and father-in-law. She was left with the choice of returning to her people of Moab or continuing back to the land of Judah with her mother-in-law, Naomi, who had renamed herself "Bitter" (Mara in the NIV). Not an easy choice, if you ask me.

As the story goes, she clung to her MIL and followed her back to Bethlehem. Naomi's people and God would be Ruth's people and God, as she firmly declared. Perhaps Ruth chose Naomi and an unknown land because she had little to return to in Moab. Perhaps she felt the call of the one true God on her heart. Perhaps she felt a deep sense of loyalty and obligation to Naomi, who was left without her husband and two sons. Perhaps she was afraid to travel the road home alone. In my opinion, there's no way for us to really know.

That said, I think Ruth was following her gut. The overall story paints Ruth as a woman of courage and ingenuity. Whatever the catalyst, she followed her heart in the face of immense change and validated fears. 

I find myself basking in the irony of studying about a woman facing fears, change, and moving to another land in this time of my life. How easy it would be for me to feel more like Naomi, wallowing in self pity and, now I'm taking a guess here, blaming God for my trials. 

Been there, done that. Some days, I am there, doing that.

But I strive to rise to the challenges, choosing attitudes of thankfulness and patience, much like I envision Ruth doing. I'm also blessed with a living husband who buoys me when needed, never letting go of my hand through this whole process. 

Moving three hours away from my communities, living with in-laws (wonderful, though they are), choosing a church together (an issue all in itself, but more on that another time), needing financial miracles to keep afloat, looking for work, and still battling myself and my food addiction to be healthy. It feels like a lot. It has been. And yet, God is providing. Day by day. 

In fact, given that the probational period pans out (like that alliteration?), I have a job as a barista here in town. I'm so excited! God put contacts in place, and without even an application or resume turned in, I was offered a job (again, if the next month proves the right chemistry for us both). I love making coffee! The hours are flexible, I get to be home with my hubby at night, and I get to love on people while getting paid. Such a tremendous opportunity and blessing.

And through this Bible study, I am making more friends. That is huge for me. The finances? Well, given all of God's current and previous provision, I have to believe that He will give us the opportunity to solve that as well.

There are so many instances I have to look back on proving God's hand in my life; how much harder would that be for a woman like Ruth who had little more than ten years married to a man who came from Judah, the land of God's people? If she could follow her gut and heart to God, so can I. 

So tell me: What inspires you to follow your gut and heart?

Weekly Update, and Plateau Perspective

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 4 30-min walks in my classroom

Weight Loss: Still to be continued. :)

So. Puppy.

I love him dearly. But I may have hit the side of his kennel last night in anger. He was screaming!!! Then I got up and went out to the couch. Where I slept for an hour.

Granted, the little guy only screamed for about two minutes. But it was enough to piss me off.

And... when I pick him up to take him out to potty, all the love comes rushing back. He's just so darn cute and cuddly.

Seriously- I'm not going to injure him. Really.

I just may think about it at 2:30 in the morning when I have yet to get more than one hour of solid sleep and have to be up at 6:30.

Or maybe this is all a funny joke I'm telling you guys... Maybe.

So. Exercise.

Less this last week due to some bug I've picked up and am fighting off - not to mention the addition to our home. The bug has yet to vacate, so I may not be doing much more than my classroom walks this week either.

So. Weight loss.

Well, I was able to stuff myself into my old 12 jeans! Woohoo! Muffin top? Oh yeah. Still! They zipped up. And I had to wear something to the vet - MacDuff peed on the other ones on accident.

It's not the same as feeling that I'm really back into them, but it is a small bit of inspiration and motivation. Progress is happening people!!!

And let me tell you...

It's esay to forget the progress I have made over the last two plus years:

This change required hard work

 

Perseverance,

Sacrifice,

and Dedication.

Yes, I regressed some. Gained back 30 pounds.

But that does not a failure make.



Remind me to look at this when I melt down again.

So tell me: How do you keep yourself motivated? How do you let the little things go and focus on positives?

Wicked-ly Wonderful

For those of you who do not know about this amazing Broadway musical, please inform yourself. Really. Now. Go do some research. Start here.

The first time I heard the soundtrack to Wicked was my senior year of high school - so some time between Fall '04 and Spring '05. I read the book, by Gregory Maguire, somewhere in there and was a bit disappointed. Thankfully, in my opinion, the musical is the sugar coated Disney-fied version of the book (though Disney has no association with the musical, as far as I know).

The story is simple. A girl is born green, has a penchant for magic, and ends up befriending a WASPy blond and a lazy, but oh-so-handsome rebel. There's a love triangle, more magic, an Emerald City, and at the very end, a young girl and her little dog, too. See? Simple.

This story could be described as the prequel to The Wizard of Oz.

The Original Broadway Cast.

What I love about this incredible musical is the music, first and foremost. As a theatre degree holder, I also greatly appreciate the sets, costumes, light and sound design, and dancing. The dragon above the proscenium is amazing; the Emerald City costumes are intricate and so innovative; the transitions are smooth and keep the illusion of the world intact.

But the part that gives me chills and literally brings me to tears is the music. Such was certainly the case when the hubs and I went to see this amazing show last week. (And it was Kevin's first time seeing it!)

When Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, blasted out "Defying Gravity" at the end of the first act, I was squeezing Kevin's leg and trying to keep the misty tears in my eyes from ruining my make-up. (You see, I spent an hour primping for the show - fancifying myself and all - and didn't want to leave with Kiss-like streaks down my cheeks.) Every time Elphie let loose, belted out, let 'er rip I got chills.

Even though she far out-shined the rest of the cast, in my oh-so-humble opinion, there was more about Elphie that caught my attention than her phenomenal pipes: she is a strong, confident woman. That character owns the stage from the moment she stomps onto stage. This assurance of self is even more palpable when it is tempered with moments of true vulnerability, visible even from 200 feet away.

This speaks to both the actress and the character. Together they created a girl I want to emulate. My goals may be different, as I'm not very magically gifted and I don't think I can help the talking Animals, but that confidence - that willingness not to care about other's opinions - I want that. I am that. Sometimes, anyway.

That's why, even though I had said I probably wouldn't have time, I shaved my legs and underarms (happens less than I'd like to admit), donned my going away dress (the first dress I've worn since my wedding day over four months ago), and very carefully prettified my face with my favorite make-up products. I even tried some metallic green eye shadow to match my black dress (must sport the Wicked colors, you know!) and wrap. I even attempted to do something interesting with my hair! (And I really only know two styles - up and down.)

When I looked in the mirror, I felt sexy. When my husband came home a few minutes earlier than I expected and could barely get out a clear sentence when he saw me, I felt even sexier.

Work...................................................Wicked.

Let me tell you why this is unique: most days I roll out of bed, slap on some work-appropriate clothes, and kiss Kevin as I grab the coffee he so graciously made and head out the door. If I'm feeling particularly festive, I'll put on some mascara using the little mirror inside my classroom closet. When I'm worried my boss might make another comment about how tired I look (thanks a bunch, dude - doesn't make me want to punch you in the nose at all), I might make time to put on some concealer and foundation. And again, the hair is either up or down - depending on when I last washed it. Thank God my husband still thinks I'm cute!

So, that glaringly honest admission gives you an idea of the singularity that is me getting all dolled up.

Moving along: I felt sexy and confident the whole night. Even though my neck had broken out in the last week for no apparent reason, my thighs stuck together due to sheer hugeness, and my wide-ass (sorry, Mom) feet refused to fit properly into little strappy shoes (even though they are technically wide shoes) - I felt more than content with my body, with myself. Even though I am still fighting discouragement about my weight plateau, even though my goal weight seems centuries away, and even though I silently envied some of those tiny actresses on stage, I was able to remember my worth, my progress, and my gratitude that I have the means to fight this weight battle.

This feeling made it even easier to relate to Elphaba as I watched her find her footing and bravely stand up for her beliefs. Her confidence grew, the actress' charisma shined through, and I really wanted to be Elphaba up there.

[Funny side note: The actress playing Elphie shushed/seated the audience after the curtain call. She then told us that this was the very first performance for the gal playing Glinda, an understudy. Then she said that wasn't the only reason she wanted to talk to us. For a brief moment, I thought I might get that chance to be her. I actually imagined her saying, "And now, I would like to invite Nicole to the stage to join us in an encore number!" Umm... it didn't happen. I felt a little (okay, a LOT) silly when she then told us about the Broadway's event to help fight AIDS and HIV and asked that we each make a cash donation at the door... A girl can dream, right?]

I may not have gotten to sing on stage with that amazingly talented cast, but I walked away feeling as exhilirated as though I had.

Where was I? What is my point anyway? Hmm.

In an effort to sum up:

• Go see Wicked someday
• It gives me chills
• I want to play Elphaba on stage one day
• I love getting dressed up and feeling sexy
• I want to translate that confidence to my everyday norm of teacher clothes and harried schedule
• My boss needs some tact lessons 

If you got any of that out of the rambling, congratulations! You are gaining skills in how to understand this crazy ginger! :-) And now you also have an idea of how amazing it is that Kevin not only understands, but can usually know what I'm going to say before it's out.

And, that's all I have to say about that.


So tell me: What is your favorite musical? When do you feel sexiest? What do you like to get all dolled up for?