Ruth.

The past two weeks I have begun delving into the book of Ruth with a woman's Bible study group. This isn't the first time I've read through this story, but it is the first time I've really pulled it apart with the intent of truly learning more than the surface list of events.

No matter the subtext, the truths behind the story that we cannot truly know, her emotions and motives, it is clear that Ruth was an incredible woman. As the tagline of the devotional by Kelly Minter reads, this is a story of loss, love, and legacy. Ruth lost a husband, and her brother and father-in-law. She was left with the choice of returning to her people of Moab or continuing back to the land of Judah with her mother-in-law, Naomi, who had renamed herself "Bitter" (Mara in the NIV). Not an easy choice, if you ask me.

As the story goes, she clung to her MIL and followed her back to Bethlehem. Naomi's people and God would be Ruth's people and God, as she firmly declared. Perhaps Ruth chose Naomi and an unknown land because she had little to return to in Moab. Perhaps she felt the call of the one true God on her heart. Perhaps she felt a deep sense of loyalty and obligation to Naomi, who was left without her husband and two sons. Perhaps she was afraid to travel the road home alone. In my opinion, there's no way for us to really know.

That said, I think Ruth was following her gut. The overall story paints Ruth as a woman of courage and ingenuity. Whatever the catalyst, she followed her heart in the face of immense change and validated fears. 

I find myself basking in the irony of studying about a woman facing fears, change, and moving to another land in this time of my life. How easy it would be for me to feel more like Naomi, wallowing in self pity and, now I'm taking a guess here, blaming God for my trials. 

Been there, done that. Some days, I am there, doing that.

But I strive to rise to the challenges, choosing attitudes of thankfulness and patience, much like I envision Ruth doing. I'm also blessed with a living husband who buoys me when needed, never letting go of my hand through this whole process. 

Moving three hours away from my communities, living with in-laws (wonderful, though they are), choosing a church together (an issue all in itself, but more on that another time), needing financial miracles to keep afloat, looking for work, and still battling myself and my food addiction to be healthy. It feels like a lot. It has been. And yet, God is providing. Day by day. 

In fact, given that the probational period pans out (like that alliteration?), I have a job as a barista here in town. I'm so excited! God put contacts in place, and without even an application or resume turned in, I was offered a job (again, if the next month proves the right chemistry for us both). I love making coffee! The hours are flexible, I get to be home with my hubby at night, and I get to love on people while getting paid. Such a tremendous opportunity and blessing.

And through this Bible study, I am making more friends. That is huge for me. The finances? Well, given all of God's current and previous provision, I have to believe that He will give us the opportunity to solve that as well.

There are so many instances I have to look back on proving God's hand in my life; how much harder would that be for a woman like Ruth who had little more than ten years married to a man who came from Judah, the land of God's people? If she could follow her gut and heart to God, so can I. 

So tell me: What inspires you to follow your gut and heart?

Exodus in Genesis

Exodus 5. Read it here.

The point: A couple guys on mission from God ask the head honcho of the Egyptians for a time of rest and seeking God for their people. He says no. And punishes the slaves instead. He makes their labors even more difficult. They have to produce more brick with fewer supplies. Sounds like a nice guy.

The people, unable to keep up with the new conditions, blame the Mission Guys for their troubles. Just days earlier, they had been praising God and ready to follow the Mission Guys to Deliverance. Now, however, their world has become more difficult and they want to point a finger.

One of the Mission Guys, the one with the stick and aptitude for raising walls of water, feels crushed and asks God if He made a mistake by sending him to do this.

Here's what I got from it: The world, this society, makes us believe that their answers, their rewards are the only way to live life; and that their punishments and disciplines will end that life. That the world's values must be our values. That the loudest voices in society must be right, no matter what. Pharaoh made the Israelites believe that only he could grant and take life. That the threat of physical pain was worth avoiding - even if it meant rejecting True Peace and Deliverance.

Lately, Kevin and I have been feeling the need for rest. Time to seek God, if you will. Time to be together. Time to let down, relax. The world tells us that we don't deserve rest, that we don't have enough money to slow down- even for a little bit.

That husband of mine has been going none stop for over three years. For me it has been almost two years. We are tired. We are in need of rest. We try to take time to rest each week, but we need some extended time. Not just a vacation, a time book-ended by stress and work, but a season (short though it may be) to slow down. A time of Jubilee.

Just like the Israelites, that time appears so beautiful when my focus is on what my heart and soul need. Then, when the world tells me that I haven't produced enough brick to slow down, my worries and insecurities flare up with reckless abandon.

My husband and I need time to settle into our new home when we move. He needs time to study for the bar exam. I need time to set up our apartment and get acclimated to living outside of Oregon for the first time. MacDuff needs to pee outside. Always. But that's a different story.

What better time to rest? Slow down? Take it easy?

In fact, I think that is what God is asking of us. [I could write a whole other post (series, even) about seeking God's will and how NEBULOUS that is, but I'll save it for later.]

Last week, I was notified that I would not be interviewing for a job I had applied for in our new city. It would have required a harried and early move and a whirlwind of stress, but it would have offered security. And I was qualified. And who doesn't want to be told that someone else thinks they're awesome enough on paper to talk to in person? Isn't that what the world says we have to have? Isn't that what the world values? Won't the world beat me up if I don't pursue its values?

Well, it didn't happen. And I'm sort of relieved. Weird, right?

God will take care of our finances. I believe that. The truth is, our finances will be fine for several months. But even seeing a possible struggle in the future makes me crave that no-doubt security. Having trust like that is probably the hardest thing I face. I want to control it. I want that security. I want to know Pharaoh's men aren't going to beat me.

Sometimes all I can focus on is fighting off the world's beatings, even at the cost of the rest my soul needs - that my little family needs. Even when all True signs point to the Deliverance of rest, I want the world to tell me that it is okay to slow down. But it never will.

The world will never tell me what I want to hear, not what I truly need to hear.

It tells me to be skinny, but to do it quickly with fad diets. It also tells me to pursue convenience and decadence at the same time.

It tells me to value money and objects over time with loved ones and time of rest.

This time, I'm not going to listen.


So tell me: What does the world tell you that flies in the face of what you truly need?

The Head and the Heart

Alaska, summer 2011.

This just in: I am a new wife. Okay, so that may not be news, but it is certainly true. After a few months of marriage, I am no expert - but I do care a great deal what kind of wife I am to my amazing husband. (Note: I will use almost any excuse to brag about my husband. He's humble enough for us both.) :-)

One of my wedding presents was the book The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartian. I had heard of her books, and even have a dusty Graduate version somewhere, but had never read one. A few weeks ago I started having weekly solo devotions. My New Year's Resolutions were certainly a catalyst for this, but I have been wanting to make room for extended God time for a while.

You know that feeling you get when you sit down to have God time and it has been a while? I had cleaned up a bit in the bedroom where I do my devotions (because I cannot focus in a messy space - yes, I am becoming my mother), grabbed a snack (yogurt with grapes), and settled in to enjoy some alone time while Kevin was at class. And that's when that feeling hit. Somewhere in my chest. It's that feeling I get when I spend time with a friend who I haven't seen in a long time. It's not that God and I have been at odds, more that I let the busyness of life take over and forget that I need time with my Creator. Time to rest, heal, and listen. Time to learn more about Him and His Word.

[Tangent: I have struggled with devotions since I was little. Growing up in a Christian home and environment, I always wanted to be that "Perfect Christian Girl". I can still remember who I thought that was as a twelve-year-old. She was always the best at Bible Quizzing, she knew every Bible story our Children's Pastor talked about, and she came from a Perfect Christian Family. At least that's what I thought. So when I went to have devotions, I thought I would need to read my Bible every day for at least 15 minutes, hear God speak to me, pray for everyone I knew, and feel something special each time. If I didn't get the feeling, I obviously didn't do it right. With all that pressure to be "perfect", I never stuck with the habit for more than a few days in a row, a week tops. This was true up until my college years, when I discovered something incredible: God doesn't care if I have the feeling each time, He just wants me to show up. Whether it is praying in the car, in the shower, on the treadmill, or on my knees - He just wants me to show up. Spending time with God every day, living my life according to Scripture, that is my devotion. I'm sure God wouldn't mind if I spent those 15 minutes reading my Bible every day, but I also don't think I will be struck by lightning if I don't. I have been a bit more disciplined about my devotional time over the last several years. Trust me - I'm no image of perfection - but I do try. One thing I've found that really helps me is journaling. It focuses and centers my prayer time.]

For the past several weeks, I have been reading and praying through one chapter from Stormie's book as part of my devotional time. Praying over my husband, and not just my needs and wants, has been eye opening. So often I see him as a pillar of strength and source of wisdom; he certainly has these attributes, but he also has moments of weakness and insecurity. Praying for him in such a diligent and pointed way forces me to think of him first, before myself. And that's the goal, right? During our pre-marital counseling we constantly came back to this model for our marriage: to put God before each other and each other before ourselves. 

The first section of The Power of a Praying Wife goes over many things, but what stuck with me most was the idea of the husband being the head and the wife being the heart. Stormie stresses that these are the roles husbands and wives are to play in marriage. For the most part, I agree with her. I feel the most in my element when I am creating a home that provides sanctuary for my husband and me. And Kevin feels the most in his element when he is protecting me and our home.

The roles of husband and wife have to be learned, I think, and altered to fit the needs of each couple. I'm not talking about who has the job and who takes care of the home, many times it's both! What I'm more talking about are the emotional and spiritual roles that men and women often fall into naturally, or have to fall into to meet each other's needs.

(I have also been reading Esther during my devotional time. What a courageous woman. That would not have been an easy life to live.)

So tell me: What are you reading these days? What inspires you? What do you do to center and focus?