On the Road Again

Ranch mixed with Czar's Pinot & Pepper Sauce, chopped romaine lettuce, toasted almonds (1.5 minutes on a baking sheet under the broiler), crumbled goat cheese, blackberries (from my mom's driveway), and mesquite steak strips. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Friends, it has been awhile since we really talked. Long enough for me to forget what I told you lately that wasn't mostly comprised of narrative pictures and captions.

Let's recap the last few years of my life, shall we? Just for fun.

- Began losing weight in January of 2010
- Started a 10 month MAT program in June of 2010
- Met Kevin January 2011
- Finished my program in April 2011
- Got engaged July 2011
- Started a new full-time job (40 minutes from Kevin and from home) September 2011
- Married November 2011, moved in with Kevin and out of my parent's home
- Helped my husband through back surgery and recovery December 2011 through March 2012
- Started trying to lose my gained-back 30 pounds in January 2012
- Joined a weight loss competition in May 2012, ended last week, I didn't even do a final weigh-in
- Finished my job and moved three hours away with Kevin end of May 2012
- June and July were spent preparing Kevin for the bar and starting my new job
- August has thus far been spent working, Kevin working, and wondering how 8 months have passed without any pounds lost... and most likely a gain.

So, not to be a complete whiner, but there has been a lot packed into a short time. There's plenty more I could add to the list, but the basics give you the idea. No one died, no tragedies happened, but it has been a very full, sometimes difficult time nonetheless.

The motivation to get to the gym and really stick to healthy eating is missing in action.

But, I can't wear the clothes I wore last summer. That is depressing.

I was looking at pictures from one of my bridal showers last night and just loved the way I looked then. I want to get back there! Even if I didn't go much further, that would be a great place to be!

Kevin is so supportive and would do anything to help me, but it still has to be me who sweats and puts healthy food in my mouth - and says no to the crap. 

I feel a bit like a lost cause. I'm not drowning in despair, I'm just feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Ya know?

So this is today. Yesterday is gone, never to return. If God can look at me, love me, and believe that I am beautiful and worth fighting for, then I should believe it too. 

I'm not making any proclamations, I'm just telling you about today. 

Tomorrow will come, I'll let you know how it goes.


So tell me: How do you get motivated in times like these?

Update

Not so much weekly.

I'm a little behind.

My house is fairly clean. The dishes are mostly done. The food is pretty much prepared (for this and next week).

It's been an up and down week. Good and bad days. Nothing too fancy or horrific.

You know?

Feeling down about my body, nothing new there. Feeling excited about gardening and canning this summer, which is actually very new.

Dreaming about the future with my husband. Planning our dream home in our minds as we fall asleep.

Shaving down MacDuff for the summer and feeling like we got a brand new dog.

Haven't exercise in a long time; unless you count the weeding I did yesterday (which my hamstrings do).

Watching "House" with Kevin in the evenings as we eat dinner. And in the mornings when neither of us work.

Having married adventures like slug dissection and Cricut card making.

The last week or so has been good and bad, up and down, boring and exciting, lonely and life-giving, crazy and normal.

All in all, I am content. Not always happy, but content. 

God is good. So is coffee. And dark chocolate. And dogs. And especially, marriage.


So tell me: How are you?

Ruth.

The past two weeks I have begun delving into the book of Ruth with a woman's Bible study group. This isn't the first time I've read through this story, but it is the first time I've really pulled it apart with the intent of truly learning more than the surface list of events.

No matter the subtext, the truths behind the story that we cannot truly know, her emotions and motives, it is clear that Ruth was an incredible woman. As the tagline of the devotional by Kelly Minter reads, this is a story of loss, love, and legacy. Ruth lost a husband, and her brother and father-in-law. She was left with the choice of returning to her people of Moab or continuing back to the land of Judah with her mother-in-law, Naomi, who had renamed herself "Bitter" (Mara in the NIV). Not an easy choice, if you ask me.

As the story goes, she clung to her MIL and followed her back to Bethlehem. Naomi's people and God would be Ruth's people and God, as she firmly declared. Perhaps Ruth chose Naomi and an unknown land because she had little to return to in Moab. Perhaps she felt the call of the one true God on her heart. Perhaps she felt a deep sense of loyalty and obligation to Naomi, who was left without her husband and two sons. Perhaps she was afraid to travel the road home alone. In my opinion, there's no way for us to really know.

That said, I think Ruth was following her gut. The overall story paints Ruth as a woman of courage and ingenuity. Whatever the catalyst, she followed her heart in the face of immense change and validated fears. 

I find myself basking in the irony of studying about a woman facing fears, change, and moving to another land in this time of my life. How easy it would be for me to feel more like Naomi, wallowing in self pity and, now I'm taking a guess here, blaming God for my trials. 

Been there, done that. Some days, I am there, doing that.

But I strive to rise to the challenges, choosing attitudes of thankfulness and patience, much like I envision Ruth doing. I'm also blessed with a living husband who buoys me when needed, never letting go of my hand through this whole process. 

Moving three hours away from my communities, living with in-laws (wonderful, though they are), choosing a church together (an issue all in itself, but more on that another time), needing financial miracles to keep afloat, looking for work, and still battling myself and my food addiction to be healthy. It feels like a lot. It has been. And yet, God is providing. Day by day. 

In fact, given that the probational period pans out (like that alliteration?), I have a job as a barista here in town. I'm so excited! God put contacts in place, and without even an application or resume turned in, I was offered a job (again, if the next month proves the right chemistry for us both). I love making coffee! The hours are flexible, I get to be home with my hubby at night, and I get to love on people while getting paid. Such a tremendous opportunity and blessing.

And through this Bible study, I am making more friends. That is huge for me. The finances? Well, given all of God's current and previous provision, I have to believe that He will give us the opportunity to solve that as well.

There are so many instances I have to look back on proving God's hand in my life; how much harder would that be for a woman like Ruth who had little more than ten years married to a man who came from Judah, the land of God's people? If she could follow her gut and heart to God, so can I. 

So tell me: What inspires you to follow your gut and heart?

Weekly Update, and I'm Back!!!

Weekly Update


Exercise: Moving lots of boxes. Up and down stairs. It counts.


Weight Loss: 177.4 - that's 5.8 pounds down from four weeks ago when I weighed 183.2.

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Victories/Struggles:

• Didn't track my food during the week of packing/moving
• Didn't do any intentional exercise during that time either
• I moved A LOT of boxes and furniture
• In fact, I was so sore the first morning after our move day; my whole body ached!
• I am back to tracking
• I signed up for a local gym membership
• I weighed and lost!

What a crazy week it has been since we've last talked.

My husband and I packed up all our belongings, ate Taco Bell (Fresco for me!) in the car (as there was no where to sit in the apartment), and moved two hours away from our first married home with the help of our parents.

Move day was pretty incredible. So many things surprised us. Nothing really went according to plan. Typical, right? Both sets of parents helped us without any tension or awkwardness. I don't have to explain to you how it could be awkward when one set of parents is sending away their daughter to live with the other set... All well intentioned, well meaning, yet sometimes it can be difficult in these situations. And it went incredibly well. I'm so thankful. We honestly could not have done it without their help.

Funny story: movers. The people we hired to move our crap from the apartment to the truck. Then the other two guys that were hired to move our crap from the truck to the storage unit, and the rest into our new apartment. The first pair were pretty inexperienced. Very slow, one was constantly on his cell phone when not bossing the other guy around, and my mother-in-law had to explain to them how best to load the truck. And since the U-Haul place had the wrong truck for us, we had three feet less in length to get stuff packed in to. Which is why Kevin had to go rent a tiny trailer, and buy a hitch, to fit the rest of our stuff. 

Let me say, as an aside, in the middle of my funny (more ironic than "ha ha"), we had THREE SUV's, ONE 14-FOOT UHAUL TRUCK, ONE SMALL TRAILER, and we still needed to fill my parent's van with the remanding belongings. That's after we threw away TONS AND TONS of garbage, took two loads to Goodwill, and had a giveaway pile for Kevin's cousin who is starting college in the fall. SERIOUSLY??!! That's way too much crap for two people. Now that we are more or less settled in, we have even more garbage, Goodwill stuff, and more for storage. Next time we move, even more will go. We are only keeping the stuff that we would need for another apartment or house (this apartment had quite a bit of stuff from his folks already). 

Anyway, the second set of movers were incredible. They pulled up to the storage unit, jumped out, and immediately started running. Dollies from the truck, long rope, Mountain Dew, and they were off. Mike arranged our storage unit like a game of Tetris: everything has a place, it is all fairly accessible, and we fit WAY more in there than we thought possible. They unloaded the U-Haul and trailer in about an hour. It took about five hours for the youngsters to load it all up. That's part of it, I'm sure. The second guys have been doing this for about 20 years, I'd say - and they know how to work together. 

One of our first guys, also Mike, was in his second week on the job. He showed up 30 minutes late, but had a great attitude the whole time. Very polite. But pretty slow. Right at the end of the process, after we paid them for the two extra hours it took to load everything, Mike started telling us a bit of his story as he was thanking us and apologizing again for being late and making mistakes with loading the truck. He said that he and his wife were separated, and would have gotten a divorce, but he gave his life to the Lord recently and was working things out with his wife. My mom told him that we were all Christians there, and he said he could tell because we weren't fighting or cursing. Interesting, right? In the middle of a crazy, busy, hectic day, a young man tells us journey with and without God and with no provocation. Somehow, we, the crazy young marrieds with their crazier parents, bore witness to the character of Christ by honoring Him with our words and actions under stress and pressure. We had no idea anyone was watching us. We were stressed and distracted. Praise God for blessings among chaos.

Mike and Dell, the second set, told us they were pretty sure they could have fit everything in the truck so we wouldn't have had to spend another $100 in gas and rental for the trailer. Hmm. Let's just hope that's not true.

Did I mention that moving costs a lot of money? Really. I mean. It cost way more than we thought. And WAY MORE than I thought. Kevin has done this several times, so he had a better idea of what we would be shelling out. Ouch. That's all I gotta say. Well, I'll also say that we are trusting God to provide.

We, well, I, am trying not to freak out about money right now. It's tight. Very tight. Enter some phrase about shoestrings that means we don't eat out or buy anything but groceries. And I could look for a job right now, but Kevin and I were really feeling led to take some time of rest after we moved. He has the bar to study for, I want to get settled, and we just want some time to chill, to relax.

The wife of one of Kevin's friends worked at a drive-thru coffee kiosk, about 25 minutes from our apartment, until recently. She knew I would be looking for work, and have done coffee for many years, and passed along this information to her former bosses - a Christian family. I was told to give them a call. So I did. You know what? They will most likely have a place for me - but probably not until July sometime, maybe August. What?! So.... this would be a job I've done before... a job I really enjoy... part-time... close to home... and I wouldn't have to start for at least month??? Wow. Waiting for God's timing is so difficult, so nebulous, but He keeps His promises. This job may not pan out for one reason or another, but I feel good about our decision to wait a while. 

So, since Tuesdays and Thursdays are my laundry days, the washer and dryer are humming away. Kevin is studying. Puppy is napping. Our apartment is basically done except for a few small details (decorations mostly). And I'm back to blogging. Blessings among the chaos. I'm a blessed lady. 

Tomorrow I'll give you some sneak peaks of the place (final pics will have to wait until all the details are done - I'm a bit OCD...). So stay tuned!

So tell me: What blessings are you finding among chaos?

Weekly Update, and Victories & Struggles

Weekly Update:


Exercise:

• Monday: 30 min walk; 45 min elliptical; 50 crunches
• Tuesday: 30 min walk; 100 crunches; 7 sit-ups; 10 modified push-ups
• Wednesday: 30 min walk; 45 min elliptical; 100 crunches; 10 sit-ups; 10 modified push-ups; 20 sec (2x) wall sit; 10 lunges per leg
• Thursday: 30 min walk
• Friday: 45 min elliptical; 100 crunches; 10 sit-ups
• Saturday: sunburn from Kevin's outdoor graduation
• Sunday: 50 crunches, 25 sit-ups, 10 modified push-ups

Weight Loss: I'm thinking I might weigh in two weeks from now. Four weeks in between. That should give me a good idea of how I'm doing.


I'm going to add a new section to this Weekly Update,


Victories & Struggles:

• Last week was Staff Appreciation Week, which apparently meant that the staff needs lots of food - mostly the unhealthy kind. Twice I had kids come to my room and offer me cookies and bagels with cream cheese. I said no to the cookies, but said I would take all the love; the second time I took an apple; the third time I took some watermelon. Then when there was candy in my mail box, I picked it up and gave it to some kids in my after school program. No, I do not want to promote childhood obesity, but I just knew I couldn't keep it myself.
• I started bringing some foods from home to slowly cut back on my processed foods. This ended up being Greek yogurt and honey for breakfast and salad for lunch. My salad included: 2 cups lettuce, 10 almonds, 1/4 cup diced bell pepper, 1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing, 4 oz roasted 99% fat free chicken breast, and about 1/2 cup of orange slices. Absolutely delicious. And the yogurt/honey combo might be even better. I had these two different days. It's a start!
• After doing a lot of research, reading, listening, and searching over the last 2.5 years, I know A LOT about nutrition/health/weight loss. The trouble is, everyone has a different opinion. Every "expert" says something different. It can be so confusing for me to piece together what is the best for my body, what will help me lose weight the most and keep it off. I'm not looking for quick, easy answers, but some consistency would be so helpful. This is why so many people struggle with their weight! Who are you going to listen to? I want to simply listen to my own body, but I can't - I've trained it to want the wrong things and avoid movement. That is what it tells me to do whenever things aren't perfectly peachy.
• I did my elliptical workout on Wednesday when I REALLY didn't want to. For whatever reason, I misunderstood Kevin about something when I first got home and my mood swung a 180 in about 3 seconds flat. At that moment, I was going to sit down, watch TV, eat any junk food I could find (or just non-junk food in abundance), and not do my workout. I was snippy with Kevin, angry at the puppy for wanting to play, and it was not pretty. Thankfully, I had my new obession with Season 11 of The Biggest Loser (via Netflix) to pull me out of the quagmire pretty quickly. By the time Kevin got back from his haircut, I was back. The distraction and motivation of the show helped a lot. In fact, I started watching the show on my phone while I was doing my elliptical pumps at the gym. It really made the workouts fly by.
• I DID A SIT-UP!!!!! On Tuesday night, I did a sit-up. Then I did seven more. Then I did at least 10 the subsequent nights. It was a huge milestone for me. I am learning what my body is truly capable of, not assuming limitations will hold me back. What a great moment.
• I am loving this Weight Loss Competition. The community there has already been so supportive, motivational, and inspirational. It is incredible how helpful community can be. This is something I have been missing ever since I stopped going to my Weight Watchers meetings. Sitting in a room with people who truly understand your struggle is liberating and relieving. Even if it is long distance and over the internet, I am getting a sense of that now through a Facebook Event page. I am so thankful I decided to join.
• On Saturday night, after Kevin's graduation and family reception (at our apartment), we decided to order pizza. Right then, I would have been fine to eat one slice, one breadstick, and some salad. But I didn't even track all my food... and I ate 3 slices of pizza, two cheesy breadsticks, three of Kevin's buffalo wings, and way too many cookies leftover from the reception. Didn't write down anything. I had no idea how many calories I'd eaten in the day. This is NOT the way to handle weekends or special occasions. Then on Sunday, I didn't want to keep track, and I wanted a burger and onion rings. I finally did sit down and calculate out my calories for Saturday and Sunday (and decided on veggies and yogurt to finish out Sunday), and had to instantly forgive myself for going over. Yes, I should have thought about all of that before I ate way too much on Saturday night and felt super full and bloated - but at least I went back and wrote everything down. Victory and struggle.

So my week was full of ups and downs. Pretty typical, I'd say. I didn't stay exactly to my plan of not eating beyond my daily calorie count no matter what - but I did write everything down (even if a little late). Victories and struggles. I did get in the gym three times and walk all of my work days. And most nights I did sit-ups, crunches, and push-ups. Progress, people. Progress.

As I said, I went way over on Saturday and some over on Sunday. To balance that out, I'm going to work out an extra 15 minutes each time I'm on the elliptical this coming week. And I'm going right back to my usual eating routine today. I'll also try to drink extra water to flush out all the junk I put into my system over the weekend.

Well, now you know. It's all out there. And I'm glad. :)


So tell me: What are your recent victories? Struggles? How do you move on from set backs?

Bob & Jillian, Please Ruin My Life

I would LOVE to do a workout with Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper.

Seriously. No joke.

It would hurt. A lot. My pain would feel pain. My woefully underdevelped upper body would hate me for years.

BUT IT WOULD BE. SO. GOOD.

Whenever I watch The Biggest Loser, my favorite part is watching them in the gym. My sadistic nature loves watching Bob and Jillian literally sit on people trying to do push-ups and loving every minute of it. My masechistic nature thinks that kind of torture would be kind of awesome.

You see, I'm afraid of the gym. I face that fear every time I walk over to our apartment complex gym and get on the elliptical or treadmill. But just a little. I'm not using weights or machines. I'm not kicking a large body pillow (okay, that's what they look like to me). I'm doing what I feel comfortable with.

A good friend of mine offerred to take me to the gym and do a workout with her. It would hurt, too. In the good way. And I really want to! I'm not putting it off to postpone the pain or bolster my fear - this one is a scheduling issue. But when I do make it happen, you will hear about it.

When Bob and Jillian are raking contestants over the coals, they are bringing them to the brink. They are forcing them to sweat out emotional baggage and deal with it. They are holding their issues in their faces without mercy - and I can totally see the love in it. Tough love. A lot of us need it. People who let themselves get to be hundreds of pounds overweight need it. I need it.

What those people keep saying is, "I can't do it." I understand! I would say it, too! I totally don't believe that my body could do the workouts those contestants do. And yet they all weigh much more than me and are less fit (at least to start with)! Why do I still think I couldn't sweat it out like they do?

Just last week, I did intervals on the elliptical for 45 minutes. I turned on an old episode of The Biggest Loser, thanks to Netflix on my iPhone (I will never belittle technology), and I sweat it out. Those minutes have never gone by faster. Motivation, distraction, and endorphins. I loved that workout.

This doesn't show my intervals. But I did them, I tell you!

And I've been trying to add little bits of toning here and there. Shoulder presses while I do my figure-eights in my classroom. Crunches before bed. Walking just a bit faster. Hopping up to do something for Kevin or MacDuff instead of staying on the couch. Every little bit helps. (I actually wish I had one of those BodyBug monitors like the Biggest Loser contestants do to track just how many calories I burn in a day; that would be so cool.)

I don't think I could ever maintain fitness based on daily sweats at the gym. It isn't practical for my lifestyle. But a few times a week? Yeah, I could do that. Workouts at home? Going for walks? Hikes? Sure, that seems doable.

I mean, when I think about long-term, when I picture being home with babies someday - I need to picture how I can maintain my weight with all of that. I want to have the energy to run around with my kids, play with them, keep up my home. I want vitality.

This is really about a mindset. A willingness. Self-control. Willpower.

It is about belief.

Belief that my body can do things it's never done.

Belief that my hard work will pay off in the end.

Belief that I'm worth it (and high-priced shampoo, apparently).

And humility. To ask for help. From God, my husband, family, friends.

Humility to go into public, no matter my weight or the state of my workout duds, and doing what needs to be done. Setting an example for my nieces and nephews who look up to me and for my future kids.

Humility to lead by example in the face of fear.

Even fear of a rowing machine.


So tell me: What fear are you overcoming? What are you doing to exercise? How do you keep it fun and interesting?

Measuring Up.

Three things:


1) I would like to get a digital food scale so that I can be really exact about my calories.

December 19, 2009

2) I found some measurments from "before".

I thought I'd share.

The Body. In Inches.

December 30, 2009 (most recent in parentheses, you can also see them here)

BUST: 44.25 (39)

BICEP: 15.75 (14.5)

THIGH: 29.75 (25.5)

WAIST: 40.75 (35)

HIP: 52.5 (46)

That is quite a difference. 23 inches of difference, to be exact. That doesn't even include neck, forearms, calves, or chest (just under the bust).

That number will grow, people. Wait and see!


3) I figured out the calories I eat in a day and compared that to my Weight Watchers Points Plus.

I'll share that as well. I'm a giver.

Calories in a Day (Yesterday, actually!)

(Weight Watchers Points Plus in parentheses)

Breakfast 173.6 calories (4 WW Points+)

12 oz coffee: 3.6 (0)
5 Tbsp fat free half & half: 50 (1)
1.5 Tbsp sugar free hazelnut syrup: 0 (0)
1 Tbsp Stevia: 0 (0)
1 package Quaker instant oatmeal: 120 (3)

Mid-morning Snack 100 calories (0 WW Points+)

Banana (about 100g): 100 (0)

Lunch 255.3 calories (6 WW Points+)

2 cups spinach: 12 (0)
10 salted almonds: 54.3 (2)
1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing: 17 (0)
4 oz cooked plain chicken breast: 120 (4)
1/2 grapefruit: 52 (0)

Afternoon Snack 210 calories (5 WW Points+)

Fiber Plus bar: 120 (3)
Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (2)

Dinner 254.8 calories (5 WW Points+)

Pan Fried Tilapia: 234.8 (5)

• 4 oz tilapia fillet: 100 (3)
• 1 tsp olive oil: 39.8 (1)
• 1 Tbsp almond flour: 40 (1)
• 1 Tbsp light Smart Balance: 50
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice: 0
• 1 Tbsp minced garlic (from a jar): 5

1/4 cup cooked mushrooms: 14 (0)
1 cup spinach: 6 (0)

Dessert 202 calories (5 WW Points+)

1 York Peppermint Patty Mini: 70 (1)
1 Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Mini: 42 (1)
1 Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (3) (The Points are higher on this one because I had two in one day- the Points round up on some items when doubled.)

Total calories: 1,195.7
Total WW Points+: 25


4) I do measrue up. I will measure up.

For the past four months, give or take, on and off, for the most part, I have used 27 WW Points+ per day and somewhere between 35 and 49 extra weekly points. I earn Points for activity also, that I can swap for more food, but I have never done that.

I really do think the Weight Watchers Points Plus Program can work. In fact, I know that it can. It has for me in the past. According to my current weight, I could have 28 Points+ per day, fruits and veggies (mostly) don't have any Points, and then the extra weekly points.

But.

I'm not losing.

Granted, I don't think I've been quite as ardent about my measuring as I could have been. It really does add up.

And my body is in a plateau. Stagnant. It needs things to change.

So...

My plan (always a plan) for the 12 weeks of this Competition:

• Sweat 3 days a week, 45 min. at a time. REALLY sweat.
• Eat only 25 Points+ per day (roughly 1,200 calories).
• No extra weekly Points.
• No matter what.
• No excuses.
• None.

Several of the gals in the Competition offer daily or weekly challenges. I'm going to try to incorporate these as well. Ya know, 50 crunches before bed, 50 stairs during the day, avoided evening snacking, choosing a goal outfit (something I've done several times before, pictures of mine coming soon), cutting out caffeine (ummm.... I don't get it.......), increasing water intake - those kinds of things.

Yes. This is a bit extreme. But I have done it in the past. I can do this. And, because I have been all over the map this week, it won't be 12 full weeks. August 7th is 89 days from today.

Actually, I don't think I've kept to this stringent of a goal for 89 straight days before. Gulp. Big Gulp. The 7-11 kind.


BUT I CAN DO THIS, DAMMIT!!! (Sorry for the swearing, Mom. It probably won't ever happen again.)

(I think this is the part where I sheepishly side-grin and inform you that I am one of those Jesus Following Ladies who swears occasionally. This is a judge-free zone, K? That goes for stretch marks and irrational freak-outs too. Both of which I have to spare.)


Phew, glad I got that out. Can you picture my flailing arms and frizzy hair?


One of my best friends posted this verse on my last post (read her blog here):

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." - Colossians 1:9-14

Thank you, Kristin. I needed that.



So tell me: What do you measure? Any good tips to keep at it for 89 whole days? How are you doing on your goals (of any kind)?

Weight Loss Competition

Though I had seen the Facebook notices for a while, the Hunger-Games-inspired post by a FB friend (also the creator of the competition) got me interested enough to take a look.

A little of this, a little of that, and...

I joined a weight loss competition!!!

One of my best girls joined as well, so this will be so much fun!!!

The competition began Monday and will go until August 7th. Three months. There will be a cash prize for those playing for money (which I am not), and an overall winner from the paying and non-paying combined. The winners will be based on percentage of pounds lost. No specific diet regime is required. This could be a great tool to push me through low moments when I feel like caving to cravings or staying on the couch instead of working out! 


I took a short hiatus in the Weighing Embargo to put in my accurate stats. If I am going to bust my butt to win (or at least have something to show for it), I'd better do this right!


 As of Monday, May 7th:

Weight: 183.2

Body Fat %: 27.79

BMI: 33.5

Height: 5'2"

WPM: 75 (words per minute, in case this helps me lose weight somehow)

Measurements (in inches):

Waist: 35

Hips: 46

Wrists: 6

Forearms: 9.75

Thighs: 25.5

Biceps: 14.5

Neck: 13.5

Bust: 39


Chest: 34.5

Calves: 17.5

[You can see my "before" pictures above.]

Disclaimer: While I am excited to do a competition, and am pretty sure I could give them a run for their money if I worked my butt off - I don't want to lose temporary weight. My goal is to lose permanent weight. This means that if I decide to sacrifice and push - if I really try to win - I'd better be ready to keep off the pounds lost. That is a bit scary to me. The weight has always come back on.

Granted, there will be times in my future when weight will creep back on, I know that. But I don't want to yo-yo violently. And I don't want that to happen often. You know, having babies, life tragedies... It will probably happen at some point. But my goal is to weather those storms/changes well enough that my health is never compromised. That I'm always able to get back in shape, back to a healthy weight.

Given the fact that I do not think I could feasibly change my lifestyle much more right now, my goal is to have some loss to show for it.

[Aside: I started writing this post on Monday afternoon, preparing it for today. I was pretty pumped for the competition and had that "new thing" high going on. Then, the next day, after I weighed - the despair set in. This is where I will dive into Things I'm Afraid to Tell You (a popular blogging trend running rampant through the interweb right now): It was a huge blow to see that I was only two pounds lower than I was in January when I re-started my weight loss initiative. More than two years I have been at this. And, yes, I basically did nothing but gain from February 2011 to January 2012. But I did lose 90 pounds... That's a lot! And I've kept 60 of it off! That's a lot, too! I have to keep reminding myself that I am not starting at square one. My body has become accustomed to this lower weight and increased activity. And plateaued. Plateaued majorly. Heels dug in. Not letting go of those pounds. I am going to have to cry (more), sweat (a lot), and bleed (ouch) to get this body of mine to let go of the pounds it has come to love. Nonetheless, Tuesday was a day of despair. A day of self-loathing. A day to hate diets, hate my body, hate the scale, hate food, hate self-discipline, and hate God for making this so hard. Then- when I admit to myself that I'm hating God, I realize that He is not doing this to me. It simply is. God asks for me to be healthy, to follow Him above all else, and to love. He never promised anything in this life would be easy. Alright, rant over.]

Moving on! Getting excited! Choosing hope and faith and trust!

Already there has been a surge of excitement and community within this long-distance, internet-connected group of gals all hoping to shed some pounds and gain some self-confidence. Sounds right about down my alley, right?


LET'S DO THIS!!!

I could use some healthy competition (ha, healthy, get it?) to get my rear in gear!!!



So tell me: What are you doing to find joy in trial? What reminds you that things will get better? Where does your hope come from?

SHAPE

I have this little, pipe-type dream about having my success story in a SHAPE magazine someday.

This is one of my favorite magazines, even though I've never subscribed to it. (I have no idea why I haven't.) [The woman above, who I talked about a while ago here, has an incredible story. 150 pounds lost and kept off! Read more of her amazing journey here.]

Each issue has a Success Story or two. When I first started my weight loss journey in January of 2010, I ripped these out and tacked them on the wall next to my treadmill.

Here is one woman who lost 120 pounds! She started by only eating when she was hungry and cutting out soda. One year = 30 pounds lost. She added exercise, training for races mostly. She also added strength training.

This woman, Loida, story here, went from 173 lbs to 125 lbs over a five-year period. As always, it came down to a change of diet (not a type of Diet, but a change in how she ate) and addition of exercise.

There are so many success stories out there. Google it.

On one level, it is extremely encouraging to me:

"Look what they did!"

"Look what they overcame!"

"I can do that!"

In many cases, "I have done that!"


But sometimes... my thoughts are:

"How do they make time for all that exercise? There's always so much to do!"

"Do I have to be a runner to get to my goal?"

"I feel so far away from my goal. Will this really take another three years?"


The truth is. I really have overhauled my eating habits. In fact, I continue to feel the difference. Junk food has less and less power over me. The portions right for my body fill me more and more. I walk around my classroom every work day. I get on the elliptical two to three times a week. I even started strength training (a little).

But...

There's always a butt... I mean, but...

I'm not totally sold out to the overhauling of my workout routine. I don't sweat much. Some, but not a lot. My muscles rarely hurt. And my workouts are all the same. Many people have suggested plateau-busting workouts to me. And yet... I still haven't implemented (or even tried, let's be honest here) any one of them. I know this is an on-going process and that it is okay (though, not prefferable) if it takes years to reach my weight goal - provided that weight is lost permantently.

What I already do... All the changes I've made... The sacrifices I've made... I want that to be enough.

Perhaps...

...someday...

...I'll be one of those stories.


And maybe I'll even end up in the magazine.


A girl can dream.


So tell me: What is one of your pipe dreams? What are you willing to do (or give up) to reach your dream/goal? How do you fit exercise into your life?

Weekly Update, and Plateau Perspective

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 4 30-min walks in my classroom

Weight Loss: Still to be continued. :)

So. Puppy.

I love him dearly. But I may have hit the side of his kennel last night in anger. He was screaming!!! Then I got up and went out to the couch. Where I slept for an hour.

Granted, the little guy only screamed for about two minutes. But it was enough to piss me off.

And... when I pick him up to take him out to potty, all the love comes rushing back. He's just so darn cute and cuddly.

Seriously- I'm not going to injure him. Really.

I just may think about it at 2:30 in the morning when I have yet to get more than one hour of solid sleep and have to be up at 6:30.

Or maybe this is all a funny joke I'm telling you guys... Maybe.

So. Exercise.

Less this last week due to some bug I've picked up and am fighting off - not to mention the addition to our home. The bug has yet to vacate, so I may not be doing much more than my classroom walks this week either.

So. Weight loss.

Well, I was able to stuff myself into my old 12 jeans! Woohoo! Muffin top? Oh yeah. Still! They zipped up. And I had to wear something to the vet - MacDuff peed on the other ones on accident.

It's not the same as feeling that I'm really back into them, but it is a small bit of inspiration and motivation. Progress is happening people!!!

And let me tell you...

It's esay to forget the progress I have made over the last two plus years:

This change required hard work

 

Perseverance,

Sacrifice,

and Dedication.

Yes, I regressed some. Gained back 30 pounds.

But that does not a failure make.



Remind me to look at this when I melt down again.

So tell me: How do you keep yourself motivated? How do you let the little things go and focus on positives?

A Little Blog-spiration

I did a little digging.

Out there, in the Blog Garden, I found a few ripe for the picking.

As I can certainly attest to, reading a real person's struggles similar to mine reminds me that I'm not alone in this. Whatever this is.

The following blogs caught my attention, spurred some inspiration, and therefore I decided to pass them along:


Can You Stay For Dinner?

www.canyoustayfordinner.com

The reason I love this blog is... because she has loved herself at every size. You have probably seen a referece to her blog before. I love her. I think she is wonderful. Her writing style is fantastic, her food photos make me drool, her journey and place in life are very similar to my own, and she has a great love of food - despite her previous obesity. Her blog is one of the first I discovered in the Blog Garden of Weight Loss. Her book comes out next year. I am so pre-ordering that memoir!


Escape Frome Obesity

http://www.escapefromobesity.net/

  

The reason I love this blog is... because she made a very difficult change in her already very busy life. And, she has gained back some of her lost weight - which I can also relate to. When I first started losing weight, I was working part time, living at home, and losing weight was my 'real' job. Now, I am so busy with life and have to make my health a priority; it isn't convenient much of the time. This woman did just that; and as a mom, no less! Her honesty and perseverance inspire me to keep going.


The Token Fat Girl: Seeking a Bigger Life in a Smaller Body



http://www.myallnaturalweightloss.com/



The reason I love this blog is... because she's not at her goal weight. She hasn't ever reached her goal weight. She's still on the journey. As am I. And what a long journey it can be. In her words, "The Token Fat Girl is a melting pot of food, fashion and fitness. I've struggled with being overweight or obese my entire life and while I don't agree that I can be obese and healthy, I do believe that it shouldn't stop me from living a pretty decent life." She has a recent post about caring too much about what others think and how that can stop her from doing the things she really wants to do. Wow, that sounds so familiar! Preach it, Sister!

The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl!


http://www.dietgirl.org/dietgirl/

 
The reason I love this blog is... because she addresses her relationship with food in a way that resonates with my story. As she put it, "Food has never just been food for me - it's been an escape from the world; a comfort and a coping mechanism. It's taken me a long time but I'm finally understanding my relationship with food and I've developed a healthier attitude to both my body and the way I eat." This is what I'm striving for! Also, she wrote a book - I'd like to read it!


Fit to the Finish: 150 Pounds Gone Forever


http://www.fittothefinish.com/





The reason I love this blog is... because she has kept off the weight for over thirteen years and through three pregnancies. One of my fears is that I will reach my goal weight and won't be able to maintain it. Her story is indeed inspirational. A mom to seven! One thing I noticed, however, is that she is pretty hard on herself in her "before" pictures. Her captions paint a picture of self-loathing. Making cookies isn't a bad thing. Making them all the time might be; but I hope to find a balance between maintainence and moderation. Nevertheless, this Dr. Oz featured lady has great advice and offers hope for success! In fact, she now teaches others how to lose weight and get healthy. If the opportunity arose, I think I would be a good weight-loss coach/teacher/counselor. Pipe dream, perhaps.


The World According to Bitch Cakes

http://abitchcakesworld.blogspot.com/

The reason I love this blog is... because she is funny and excentric. This blog, Explicit Content warning, details a self-titled Glamour Girl who spends most of her days riding around New York City on her pink bicycle showing off her tattoos (which she hates, check out her blog for her reasons) in skirts, high heels, and a pink boustier. She joined Weight Watchers years back and has documented her journey in full color and with loads of personality. I can't relate to her at all! - Except for her desire to be healthy. She's vegan, wears skirts on a bike, swears, is covered in tattoos, and wears red lipstick - and she has lost weight, which she has thus far kept off. You go, Girl!






I do not know any of these women personally, but I know their struggle. In that, we are kindred spirits. Their words and photos inspire me. Their vision for success, their willingness to push through tremendous obstacles, their fire and passion to be themselves - in one way or another they all tell a piece of my own story.

So go check them out and let me know what you think!


So tell me: What great blogs are you reading? Pass them along!

Twinkle Toes



You may not know this about me, but I would love to have the gift of dance.


Each summer I give in to my obsession with So You Think You Can Dance. And each summer I watch talented individuals do what I wish I could. And each summer I have squealed with delight alongside my girlfriends. (Squealing usually includes the exclamation, "TRAVIS!!!!".)

You know what? I am not a good dancer. Choreography is really difficult for me to pick up. My coordination is only so-so. But, Good Lord Above, every fiber of my being quivers with excitement as I watch, aching to get up and do it too!

I will dance in heaven. I decided. Even if not gracefully, it won't matter.

Sometimes I do dance,

while I'm walking down the aisle in a grocery store

on the treadmill, haven't fallen...yet

in the shower

with my nieces (not in the shower with my nieces... just for clarification)

at my wedding

at anyone's wedding

sometimes in front of the bathroom mirror

wearing a bunny-inspired outfit, I danced one ballet recital at age five.

Perhaps God gave me the gift of song so I could dance with my voice. Though, I will always keep watching all those dance movies and shows so that I can live out my dream through those with the gift. Center Stage, You Got Served, Step Up, I love them all. One of my favorite parts of the few Broadway shows I've seen is always the dancing. Beautiful. Magical. Indescribable.

I would love to have the gift of dance.


So tell me: What do you wish you could do? Do you have a hidden talent?