I'm Afraid.

Next Thursday, one week from now, my husband and I will load up all of our belongings, which I think we still see as "mine" and "his" since we have received or purchased very few things together in the last six months, and will move to our new home in Washington. We will be living in a very nice apartment... built over his parent's garage. Yes, I'm moving in with my in-laws. We love both our families so much, but have also loved our freedom and independence in our current apartment.

That is all about to change.

We are leaving our first home together. This was my first home away from my parent's! This loss has been a long time coming, but it is so different in reality than the anticipation.

God has blessed us richly with a place to live that will allow us to get our feet under us financially as we start this life together. That is worth all the hardships and obstacles. I am willing to be inconvenienced to take full of advantage of God's gifts.

That said, I am a whiner baby sometimes. Kevin is really the only one who gets to see that. And, really, I think that's best. Poor guy. :)

But I'll be honest with you: I like to be in full control. I like to control my surroundings. My unhealthy relationship with food was and is about control. It is a coping mechanism that I formed due to my lack of control of situations around me when I was younger. I allowed food to fill voids in my life. Textbook stuff, but harmful nonetheless.

With all of these changes happening, I find the desire to control something. I am part of a unit with my husband, so sometimes, food is the only thing I have FULL control of as an individual. I control what goes in my mouth and what doesn't. That is power. Unfortunately, that food also has power over me. And it is exerting its power at every turn as I attempt to let go of control and trust God with my life, which is yoked to my husband's.

Food is how I cope. Food is something I can depend on. I can count on food making me feel better, even if only for a moment.

And I am feeling that urge to give in to the Power of Food with all of this change happening in my life. I don't want to deal with my food addiction every day. I want to pretend that I "got over" that. It's not something I will get over; it will, it is, something I have to deal with every single day. If I don't control my relationship with food, it will control me. But it is not within me to do this alone. I have to give up some control to get help at times.

Let's be totally honest, I am still learning to give up control to my husband! And he to me! That is really hard! We no longer make our own schedules independent of anyone else. Everything we do, every word we say, every action we take affects the other - that is a lot of responsibility - and sometimes it can feel like a burden!

It reminds me so much of my relationship with food and weight. Letting go of control, admitting I need help and can't battle food on my own, was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It felt like a burden. But I knew, I know, that if I let God do His work that it would be a worthwhile burden leading to health and freedom. When I let my husband help me, it is freeing and empowering.

That is what marriage is to me. And change, too. Together Kevin and I are making choices to better our lives and put God and our marriage above all else. It feels like a burden when all we want to do is have fun and not do the hard work that has to be done. I just want to skip all the icky hard parts and go straight to the fun stuff. That's when I turn to food. That's when I want to cope in unhealthy ways.

Another unhealthy way that I cope is through codependency. You have no idea. Or maybe you do. But when Kevin and I make decisions together, I so badly want to check with all "my people" to make sure it's a good decision. I completely trust God and my husband! And we talk about EVERYTHING!!! We are so honest with each other. And we put each other first.

And yet.

I have been a people pleaser my whole life. So whenever I would do ANYTHING, I would make sure all the people in my life said it was "okay". I would basically ask permission from them before I did anything. If they didn't approve, I felt horrible. I would change my life to make sure all those people were happy. Friends, family, teachers, bosses... And then I would become so angry and resentful at them for trying to control me - but I was teaching them to do it! I was letting them have power over me! I'm not saying that there aren't times when people do try to control me, that does happen and it isn't right, but I am the one who allows them that control.

Even now, as a grown, married woman - my first instinct is to get those same people's approval and acceptance. If they didn't like what I was doing, if I would MAKE ANYBODY MAD AT ME, then my behavior would have to change. Right? Well, not really. Not so right. These are long-standing habits that need to be broken.

[Now, I'm not going to go into all the history of how I started as a child with all of this - codependency and food addiction, all the causes and whatnot, this just isn't the place for that. But I can tell you that there are reasons. And I do deal with them. I verbalize them and I deal with them.]

Do you know what? It is hurtful to my husband when I bring other people into our decisions. He doesn't say it that way, but I know it's true. Even if I only bring them in emotionally and mentally, I am still allowing other people to affect what he and I do. I get mad at those people for "doing" that, but really, it is me allowing it to affect me. Even if someone did get upset about our decisions, that's okay for them to feel that way, but I'm the one who decides whether or not their emotions and feelings will affect me. The way they express their emotions and feelings may not be appropriate, but how it affects me is still under my control. My actions may not even change, but sometimes the effect is that I fall apart emotionally. That is hard for me and my husband.

For far too long I have lived in a prison of fear. Fear that I will make someone mad. Fear that I will not be accepted. Fear that I will not gain others' approval.

I'm even afraid of getting to my goal weight.

I think that's the first time I've written that out.


I'm afraid that the people who knew me as fat won't accept me as thin.

I'm afraid that I don't deserve to be thin and healthy if other people aren't.

I'm afraid that the people who knew me as single won't accept me as married.

I'm afraid that the people who knew me as a people pleaser won't accept me for a strong woman who puts her husband before all others - including them.

I'm afraid that I won't get the support, love, and encouragement I need.

I'm afraid people will look down on me.

I'm afraid that others won't approve of our decisions.

I'm afraid that people won't support my desire to be the kind of wife I want to be.

I'm afraid that I will never be able to control food.

I'm afraid that I will surpass my highest weight.

I'm afraid.

So I try not to make people mad. And when they do, I allow that to really, really affect me. I fall apart. And then I resent them.

I get mad at people who have no idea I'm mad. This has happened so many times in my life. When I am honest, when I talk to them about it, it has nearly always gotten resolved. In fact, it usually leads to a much healthier relationship on both ends. When I create and keep healthy boundaries in my relationships, I am so much happier and feel so much better. I know that this is true. But I am still afraid.

This is real, folks. This is real for me today. This is not the freedom that comes from living in God's will through his mercy and grace. This is bondage brought on by fear from believing in Satan's lies. I believe that with my whole heart.

This is not who I want to be or how I want to live my life. The truth is, I get to choose who is in my life. And I have the right to be picky. I don't have to allow people to hurt me.

I have to believe that I am worth protecting, that I am worth more than that, that I don't deserve poor treatment. And that can be the hardest part. I still have mental blocks built up in my head that tell me that I deserve to be hurt, that I'm not worth standing up for or being treated better.

And that is just plain not true.

I deserve to be picky about which people influence and affect me. I am worth choosing people who uplift and support me. And they deserve for me to be honest about how I feel, about what I need. They are worth me not being affect by things they didn't do in the first place.

You know what else? I a worth doing the hard, hard work needed to be the healthiest me possible. I deserve to reach my goals. When I picture a thin version of Nicole, I don't even believe I can do that- or that I deserve that. How ridiculous is that??? I do deserve to have dreams and passions and go after them. I am worth that. I am!

Now I need to act like I believe all of this is true. Putting words into actions. That's the hardest part.


So tell me: Can you relate? How do you handle issues like this?

Blender Surprise

This is awesome.

I found this idea through my friend's blog, here.

So I decided to root around in my kitchen and see if I could do something similar.

Huzzah!!! (Anyone else picturing one of the final scenes in the first Pirates movie??)

I found that the Classico sauce jars that I keep fit perfectly on the blender blade. So I loaded one up with cold coffee, vanilla ice cream, coffee ice cubes, and butterscotch syrup. This was for the hubs. NO WAY would I have that many calories in liquid form in one sitting. That man can handle them, but I surely couldn't!

I need to do something about that label. It doesn't look very appealing, huh?

My little ice cubes (made from leftover coffee) are hearts. Way too cutesy. :)

THEN I had the idea to drill holes in the Classico lids so we could use a straw and take these on-the-go! How neat is that? Love a husband with power tools. I was sure he was going to drill my finger.

My mix was yogurt blend ice cream, yogurt, coffee, and the coffee ice cubes. It wasn't too tasty. I need to try a new combo.

I can't wait to make fruit/veggie smoothies this way! So fun!

So tell me: What kind of smoothie do you love to make? Give the goods! :)

Weekly Update, and Victories & Struggles

Weekly Update:


Exercise:

• Monday: 30 min walk; 45 min elliptical; 50 crunches
• Tuesday: 30 min walk; 100 crunches; 7 sit-ups; 10 modified push-ups
• Wednesday: 30 min walk; 45 min elliptical; 100 crunches; 10 sit-ups; 10 modified push-ups; 20 sec (2x) wall sit; 10 lunges per leg
• Thursday: 30 min walk
• Friday: 45 min elliptical; 100 crunches; 10 sit-ups
• Saturday: sunburn from Kevin's outdoor graduation
• Sunday: 50 crunches, 25 sit-ups, 10 modified push-ups

Weight Loss: I'm thinking I might weigh in two weeks from now. Four weeks in between. That should give me a good idea of how I'm doing.


I'm going to add a new section to this Weekly Update,


Victories & Struggles:

• Last week was Staff Appreciation Week, which apparently meant that the staff needs lots of food - mostly the unhealthy kind. Twice I had kids come to my room and offer me cookies and bagels with cream cheese. I said no to the cookies, but said I would take all the love; the second time I took an apple; the third time I took some watermelon. Then when there was candy in my mail box, I picked it up and gave it to some kids in my after school program. No, I do not want to promote childhood obesity, but I just knew I couldn't keep it myself.
• I started bringing some foods from home to slowly cut back on my processed foods. This ended up being Greek yogurt and honey for breakfast and salad for lunch. My salad included: 2 cups lettuce, 10 almonds, 1/4 cup diced bell pepper, 1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing, 4 oz roasted 99% fat free chicken breast, and about 1/2 cup of orange slices. Absolutely delicious. And the yogurt/honey combo might be even better. I had these two different days. It's a start!
• After doing a lot of research, reading, listening, and searching over the last 2.5 years, I know A LOT about nutrition/health/weight loss. The trouble is, everyone has a different opinion. Every "expert" says something different. It can be so confusing for me to piece together what is the best for my body, what will help me lose weight the most and keep it off. I'm not looking for quick, easy answers, but some consistency would be so helpful. This is why so many people struggle with their weight! Who are you going to listen to? I want to simply listen to my own body, but I can't - I've trained it to want the wrong things and avoid movement. That is what it tells me to do whenever things aren't perfectly peachy.
• I did my elliptical workout on Wednesday when I REALLY didn't want to. For whatever reason, I misunderstood Kevin about something when I first got home and my mood swung a 180 in about 3 seconds flat. At that moment, I was going to sit down, watch TV, eat any junk food I could find (or just non-junk food in abundance), and not do my workout. I was snippy with Kevin, angry at the puppy for wanting to play, and it was not pretty. Thankfully, I had my new obession with Season 11 of The Biggest Loser (via Netflix) to pull me out of the quagmire pretty quickly. By the time Kevin got back from his haircut, I was back. The distraction and motivation of the show helped a lot. In fact, I started watching the show on my phone while I was doing my elliptical pumps at the gym. It really made the workouts fly by.
• I DID A SIT-UP!!!!! On Tuesday night, I did a sit-up. Then I did seven more. Then I did at least 10 the subsequent nights. It was a huge milestone for me. I am learning what my body is truly capable of, not assuming limitations will hold me back. What a great moment.
• I am loving this Weight Loss Competition. The community there has already been so supportive, motivational, and inspirational. It is incredible how helpful community can be. This is something I have been missing ever since I stopped going to my Weight Watchers meetings. Sitting in a room with people who truly understand your struggle is liberating and relieving. Even if it is long distance and over the internet, I am getting a sense of that now through a Facebook Event page. I am so thankful I decided to join.
• On Saturday night, after Kevin's graduation and family reception (at our apartment), we decided to order pizza. Right then, I would have been fine to eat one slice, one breadstick, and some salad. But I didn't even track all my food... and I ate 3 slices of pizza, two cheesy breadsticks, three of Kevin's buffalo wings, and way too many cookies leftover from the reception. Didn't write down anything. I had no idea how many calories I'd eaten in the day. This is NOT the way to handle weekends or special occasions. Then on Sunday, I didn't want to keep track, and I wanted a burger and onion rings. I finally did sit down and calculate out my calories for Saturday and Sunday (and decided on veggies and yogurt to finish out Sunday), and had to instantly forgive myself for going over. Yes, I should have thought about all of that before I ate way too much on Saturday night and felt super full and bloated - but at least I went back and wrote everything down. Victory and struggle.

So my week was full of ups and downs. Pretty typical, I'd say. I didn't stay exactly to my plan of not eating beyond my daily calorie count no matter what - but I did write everything down (even if a little late). Victories and struggles. I did get in the gym three times and walk all of my work days. And most nights I did sit-ups, crunches, and push-ups. Progress, people. Progress.

As I said, I went way over on Saturday and some over on Sunday. To balance that out, I'm going to work out an extra 15 minutes each time I'm on the elliptical this coming week. And I'm going right back to my usual eating routine today. I'll also try to drink extra water to flush out all the junk I put into my system over the weekend.

Well, now you know. It's all out there. And I'm glad. :)


So tell me: What are your recent victories? Struggles? How do you move on from set backs?

Measuring Up.

Three things:


1) I would like to get a digital food scale so that I can be really exact about my calories.

December 19, 2009

2) I found some measurments from "before".

I thought I'd share.

The Body. In Inches.

December 30, 2009 (most recent in parentheses, you can also see them here)

BUST: 44.25 (39)

BICEP: 15.75 (14.5)

THIGH: 29.75 (25.5)

WAIST: 40.75 (35)

HIP: 52.5 (46)

That is quite a difference. 23 inches of difference, to be exact. That doesn't even include neck, forearms, calves, or chest (just under the bust).

That number will grow, people. Wait and see!


3) I figured out the calories I eat in a day and compared that to my Weight Watchers Points Plus.

I'll share that as well. I'm a giver.

Calories in a Day (Yesterday, actually!)

(Weight Watchers Points Plus in parentheses)

Breakfast 173.6 calories (4 WW Points+)

12 oz coffee: 3.6 (0)
5 Tbsp fat free half & half: 50 (1)
1.5 Tbsp sugar free hazelnut syrup: 0 (0)
1 Tbsp Stevia: 0 (0)
1 package Quaker instant oatmeal: 120 (3)

Mid-morning Snack 100 calories (0 WW Points+)

Banana (about 100g): 100 (0)

Lunch 255.3 calories (6 WW Points+)

2 cups spinach: 12 (0)
10 salted almonds: 54.3 (2)
1 Tbsp Newman's Own Light Sesame Ginger dressing: 17 (0)
4 oz cooked plain chicken breast: 120 (4)
1/2 grapefruit: 52 (0)

Afternoon Snack 210 calories (5 WW Points+)

Fiber Plus bar: 120 (3)
Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (2)

Dinner 254.8 calories (5 WW Points+)

Pan Fried Tilapia: 234.8 (5)

• 4 oz tilapia fillet: 100 (3)
• 1 tsp olive oil: 39.8 (1)
• 1 Tbsp almond flour: 40 (1)
• 1 Tbsp light Smart Balance: 50
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice: 0
• 1 Tbsp minced garlic (from a jar): 5

1/4 cup cooked mushrooms: 14 (0)
1 cup spinach: 6 (0)

Dessert 202 calories (5 WW Points+)

1 York Peppermint Patty Mini: 70 (1)
1 Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Mini: 42 (1)
1 Lucerne Light Yogurt: 90 (3) (The Points are higher on this one because I had two in one day- the Points round up on some items when doubled.)

Total calories: 1,195.7
Total WW Points+: 25


4) I do measrue up. I will measure up.

For the past four months, give or take, on and off, for the most part, I have used 27 WW Points+ per day and somewhere between 35 and 49 extra weekly points. I earn Points for activity also, that I can swap for more food, but I have never done that.

I really do think the Weight Watchers Points Plus Program can work. In fact, I know that it can. It has for me in the past. According to my current weight, I could have 28 Points+ per day, fruits and veggies (mostly) don't have any Points, and then the extra weekly points.

But.

I'm not losing.

Granted, I don't think I've been quite as ardent about my measuring as I could have been. It really does add up.

And my body is in a plateau. Stagnant. It needs things to change.

So...

My plan (always a plan) for the 12 weeks of this Competition:

• Sweat 3 days a week, 45 min. at a time. REALLY sweat.
• Eat only 25 Points+ per day (roughly 1,200 calories).
• No extra weekly Points.
• No matter what.
• No excuses.
• None.

Several of the gals in the Competition offer daily or weekly challenges. I'm going to try to incorporate these as well. Ya know, 50 crunches before bed, 50 stairs during the day, avoided evening snacking, choosing a goal outfit (something I've done several times before, pictures of mine coming soon), cutting out caffeine (ummm.... I don't get it.......), increasing water intake - those kinds of things.

Yes. This is a bit extreme. But I have done it in the past. I can do this. And, because I have been all over the map this week, it won't be 12 full weeks. August 7th is 89 days from today.

Actually, I don't think I've kept to this stringent of a goal for 89 straight days before. Gulp. Big Gulp. The 7-11 kind.


BUT I CAN DO THIS, DAMMIT!!! (Sorry for the swearing, Mom. It probably won't ever happen again.)

(I think this is the part where I sheepishly side-grin and inform you that I am one of those Jesus Following Ladies who swears occasionally. This is a judge-free zone, K? That goes for stretch marks and irrational freak-outs too. Both of which I have to spare.)


Phew, glad I got that out. Can you picture my flailing arms and frizzy hair?


One of my best friends posted this verse on my last post (read her blog here):

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." - Colossians 1:9-14

Thank you, Kristin. I needed that.



So tell me: What do you measure? Any good tips to keep at it for 89 whole days? How are you doing on your goals (of any kind)?

Weight Loss Competition

Though I had seen the Facebook notices for a while, the Hunger-Games-inspired post by a FB friend (also the creator of the competition) got me interested enough to take a look.

A little of this, a little of that, and...

I joined a weight loss competition!!!

One of my best girls joined as well, so this will be so much fun!!!

The competition began Monday and will go until August 7th. Three months. There will be a cash prize for those playing for money (which I am not), and an overall winner from the paying and non-paying combined. The winners will be based on percentage of pounds lost. No specific diet regime is required. This could be a great tool to push me through low moments when I feel like caving to cravings or staying on the couch instead of working out! 


I took a short hiatus in the Weighing Embargo to put in my accurate stats. If I am going to bust my butt to win (or at least have something to show for it), I'd better do this right!


 As of Monday, May 7th:

Weight: 183.2

Body Fat %: 27.79

BMI: 33.5

Height: 5'2"

WPM: 75 (words per minute, in case this helps me lose weight somehow)

Measurements (in inches):

Waist: 35

Hips: 46

Wrists: 6

Forearms: 9.75

Thighs: 25.5

Biceps: 14.5

Neck: 13.5

Bust: 39


Chest: 34.5

Calves: 17.5

[You can see my "before" pictures above.]

Disclaimer: While I am excited to do a competition, and am pretty sure I could give them a run for their money if I worked my butt off - I don't want to lose temporary weight. My goal is to lose permanent weight. This means that if I decide to sacrifice and push - if I really try to win - I'd better be ready to keep off the pounds lost. That is a bit scary to me. The weight has always come back on.

Granted, there will be times in my future when weight will creep back on, I know that. But I don't want to yo-yo violently. And I don't want that to happen often. You know, having babies, life tragedies... It will probably happen at some point. But my goal is to weather those storms/changes well enough that my health is never compromised. That I'm always able to get back in shape, back to a healthy weight.

Given the fact that I do not think I could feasibly change my lifestyle much more right now, my goal is to have some loss to show for it.

[Aside: I started writing this post on Monday afternoon, preparing it for today. I was pretty pumped for the competition and had that "new thing" high going on. Then, the next day, after I weighed - the despair set in. This is where I will dive into Things I'm Afraid to Tell You (a popular blogging trend running rampant through the interweb right now): It was a huge blow to see that I was only two pounds lower than I was in January when I re-started my weight loss initiative. More than two years I have been at this. And, yes, I basically did nothing but gain from February 2011 to January 2012. But I did lose 90 pounds... That's a lot! And I've kept 60 of it off! That's a lot, too! I have to keep reminding myself that I am not starting at square one. My body has become accustomed to this lower weight and increased activity. And plateaued. Plateaued majorly. Heels dug in. Not letting go of those pounds. I am going to have to cry (more), sweat (a lot), and bleed (ouch) to get this body of mine to let go of the pounds it has come to love. Nonetheless, Tuesday was a day of despair. A day of self-loathing. A day to hate diets, hate my body, hate the scale, hate food, hate self-discipline, and hate God for making this so hard. Then- when I admit to myself that I'm hating God, I realize that He is not doing this to me. It simply is. God asks for me to be healthy, to follow Him above all else, and to love. He never promised anything in this life would be easy. Alright, rant over.]

Moving on! Getting excited! Choosing hope and faith and trust!

Already there has been a surge of excitement and community within this long-distance, internet-connected group of gals all hoping to shed some pounds and gain some self-confidence. Sounds right about down my alley, right?


LET'S DO THIS!!!

I could use some healthy competition (ha, healthy, get it?) to get my rear in gear!!!



So tell me: What are you doing to find joy in trial? What reminds you that things will get better? Where does your hope come from?

Weekly Update, and "Bleh"

Weekly Update:


Exercise: 4 classroom walks


Weight loss: Still waiting.

So this is one of those "bleh" mornings. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. The world isn't ending. In fact, I had a wonderful weekend with my hubby. The sun is shining this morning!

And yet.

I feel "bleh".

I'm tired.

Leaving Kevin to go to work invoked tears. It's been a while since that happened. I'll just go ahead and blame hormones.

Not a lot to report. Nothing exciting to pontificate about. (Which I'm sure renders you both speechless and saddened.)

We did see The Avengers. That was AWESOME!!! I'd love to see it in theaters again. It was really good. I loved it. And yes, I do love most movies, but this one was similar to my Inception experience. I left the theater going on and on and on about how good it was. That doesn't happen often. Seeing all the lead-up movies in a marathon ending in The Avengers would be time well spent.

The puppy has started a habit of relieving himself in his bed when we don't come to his beckoning call quickly enough. He needs to go when we let him out (and to hold it), but we also don't want him to learn to use his bed as a potty pad. Seriously. Like having an actual child. I wouldn't name our actual child MacDuff, just in case you were worried.

My eating over the weekend wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. I used my "extra" points/calories. This may mean a slowing down of weight loss. But they were actually calories well spent. I enjoyed every bite.

It wouldn't be so bad if I had a plan to get my butt back in exercise gear. However, this is going to prove even more difficult with the addition of the Furball. And it is getting easier for me to look for and give into excuses.

So my Pandora station is set to The Cast of Smash this morning. I finally caught up. Loving that show. Pros/cons - as always. But I'm loving it, nonetheless. I would like it if the Pandora station played more Smash and less Glee (I do love Glee, but that's not what I'm really looking for right now). The Disney is nice. Gotta stay positive, right?

Also, grapefruit with blueberries and honey is delightful.

That's all for today. Nothing mind blowing or life altering.

If you'd like to keep those prayers of mine in your thoughts, I'd be grateful.

Also, links to funny/happy YouTube videos never hurts. :)

Here's a video from/of me, singing at Women's Retreat a while back:

So tell me: How are you? How was your weekend? Is your Monday "bleh" today? Any sun out there for you?

Coconut Soup & Teriyaki Stir Fry

I love trying new recipes.

As you can see above, I spread out. Cooking needs room to breathe!

 

As I read in a blog, who knows which one at this point, tofu needs to be pressed before it is cooked. 

Fresh lemon gras. Mmmmm. Smells delicious!

Thanks, Babe. The 'workout-clothes look' really does make me look like I'm filming a Food Network episode. ;-)

I baked the broccoli (375 for 20 minutes) and added it to my stir fry after everything else was cooked. For whatever reason, the broccoli never seems to cook fully when thrown in the pan with the rest. This worked wonderfully!

Since I had two new, high-maintainence-ingredient dishes going, I did all the prep work before I started cooking anything. Usually, I prep and cook simultaneously.

Thai Coconut Coup

Ingredients

1-2 T - vegetable oil

2 - chicken breasts, thinly sliced

1 C - mushrooms, sliced

1 - bell pepper, diced

1 T - fresh lemon grass, finely diced

1 T - fresh ginger root, finely diced

1 T - chili pepper paste

1 t - lime zest

1 t - lime juice

1 t - curry powder

 1 C - coconut milk

3/4 C - lite coconut milk

2 C - fat free chicken broth 

1/4 C - fresh basil, chopped

* Brown chicken in the oil until partially cooked through. Set aside. (The strips will continue to cook when added back into the soup.)

* In the same pot, add the pepper and mushrooms. Use additional oil if necessary. Cook through, about 6 minutes.

* Add lemon grass, ginger, chili paste, lime zest, lime juice, and curry powder. Stir. Cook until aromatic, about 1 minute.

* Lower to medium heat. Add cocunut milk and chicken broth. Stir and bring to boil. Add chicken strips, then set to simmer until ready to serve. Add basil just before serving.

..........

Sesame Teriyaki Stir Fry

Ingredients:

1 T - sesame seeds

1 t - ground ginger

12-16 oz firm tofu, pressed

1 T - vegetable oil

2 shallots, thinly sliced

1-1 1/2 C - mushrooms, sliced

2 bell peppers, sliced

1 t - minced garlic

1 C - roasted broccoli

1/4 C - teriyaki sauce

* In a medium-sized bowl, add sesame seeds and ginger. Add tofu. Gently toss to coat.

* In a large pan, cook seasoned tofu in oil until browned on each side. Set aside.

* In same pan, add shallots and mushrooms. Use additional oil if needed. Cook on medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. After 3-4 minutes, add peppers. Cook through, about 4 minutes.

* Add garlic, sauce, and roasted broccoli. Heat through.

* Add tofu, heat through.

* Eat and enjoy!!!

Delicious dinner. And SO filling!

So tell me: what new recipe are you dying to try?

A Little Blog-spiration

I did a little digging.

Out there, in the Blog Garden, I found a few ripe for the picking.

As I can certainly attest to, reading a real person's struggles similar to mine reminds me that I'm not alone in this. Whatever this is.

The following blogs caught my attention, spurred some inspiration, and therefore I decided to pass them along:


Can You Stay For Dinner?

www.canyoustayfordinner.com

The reason I love this blog is... because she has loved herself at every size. You have probably seen a referece to her blog before. I love her. I think she is wonderful. Her writing style is fantastic, her food photos make me drool, her journey and place in life are very similar to my own, and she has a great love of food - despite her previous obesity. Her blog is one of the first I discovered in the Blog Garden of Weight Loss. Her book comes out next year. I am so pre-ordering that memoir!


Escape Frome Obesity

http://www.escapefromobesity.net/

  

The reason I love this blog is... because she made a very difficult change in her already very busy life. And, she has gained back some of her lost weight - which I can also relate to. When I first started losing weight, I was working part time, living at home, and losing weight was my 'real' job. Now, I am so busy with life and have to make my health a priority; it isn't convenient much of the time. This woman did just that; and as a mom, no less! Her honesty and perseverance inspire me to keep going.


The Token Fat Girl: Seeking a Bigger Life in a Smaller Body



http://www.myallnaturalweightloss.com/



The reason I love this blog is... because she's not at her goal weight. She hasn't ever reached her goal weight. She's still on the journey. As am I. And what a long journey it can be. In her words, "The Token Fat Girl is a melting pot of food, fashion and fitness. I've struggled with being overweight or obese my entire life and while I don't agree that I can be obese and healthy, I do believe that it shouldn't stop me from living a pretty decent life." She has a recent post about caring too much about what others think and how that can stop her from doing the things she really wants to do. Wow, that sounds so familiar! Preach it, Sister!

The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl!


http://www.dietgirl.org/dietgirl/

 
The reason I love this blog is... because she addresses her relationship with food in a way that resonates with my story. As she put it, "Food has never just been food for me - it's been an escape from the world; a comfort and a coping mechanism. It's taken me a long time but I'm finally understanding my relationship with food and I've developed a healthier attitude to both my body and the way I eat." This is what I'm striving for! Also, she wrote a book - I'd like to read it!


Fit to the Finish: 150 Pounds Gone Forever


http://www.fittothefinish.com/





The reason I love this blog is... because she has kept off the weight for over thirteen years and through three pregnancies. One of my fears is that I will reach my goal weight and won't be able to maintain it. Her story is indeed inspirational. A mom to seven! One thing I noticed, however, is that she is pretty hard on herself in her "before" pictures. Her captions paint a picture of self-loathing. Making cookies isn't a bad thing. Making them all the time might be; but I hope to find a balance between maintainence and moderation. Nevertheless, this Dr. Oz featured lady has great advice and offers hope for success! In fact, she now teaches others how to lose weight and get healthy. If the opportunity arose, I think I would be a good weight-loss coach/teacher/counselor. Pipe dream, perhaps.


The World According to Bitch Cakes

http://abitchcakesworld.blogspot.com/

The reason I love this blog is... because she is funny and excentric. This blog, Explicit Content warning, details a self-titled Glamour Girl who spends most of her days riding around New York City on her pink bicycle showing off her tattoos (which she hates, check out her blog for her reasons) in skirts, high heels, and a pink boustier. She joined Weight Watchers years back and has documented her journey in full color and with loads of personality. I can't relate to her at all! - Except for her desire to be healthy. She's vegan, wears skirts on a bike, swears, is covered in tattoos, and wears red lipstick - and she has lost weight, which she has thus far kept off. You go, Girl!






I do not know any of these women personally, but I know their struggle. In that, we are kindred spirits. Their words and photos inspire me. Their vision for success, their willingness to push through tremendous obstacles, their fire and passion to be themselves - in one way or another they all tell a piece of my own story.

So go check them out and let me know what you think!


So tell me: What great blogs are you reading? Pass them along!

Quick & Easy Chili (Chile?)

I never know which spelling is correct. Today you get both.

Chili, as I mentioned recently, is one of my favorite go-to dinners. Opening up the pantry, I pull out the basics and anything else that sounds good at the time.

Lately my chili has included:

• one 2 tsp olive oil
• one diced onion, diced
• one or two Tbsp minced garlic
• one 30 oz can of chili beans
• one 15 oz can of kidney beans
• one 10 oz can of yellow corn
• two 15 oz cans of diced tomatoes (one drained)
• one 10 oz can of tomato sauce
• one tsp cumin
• one tsp basil (or oregano, sage, parsley, whatever I'm feelin')
• one tsp salt (always easier to add more later when/if needed)

Instructions:

Saute the onion and garlic in the oil in a large pot on medium-high heat. I use my Dutch oven for this chili. Once the garlic is aromatic, add all canned ingredients. (I only drain one can of tomatoes, but you can drain more of them to get the desired chili texture/consistency.) Stir together. Add spices. Stir again, for good measure. Heat through on medium heat, stirring occasionaly. (All the good recipes say "stirring occasionally" somewhere.) Let the chili simmer, covered on low heat, stirring occasionally, until you have the desired thickness.

Ladle up and eat with favorite toppings! I love adding fat free sour cream and shredded mozzarella cheese. Sometimes I'll add some of my favorite hot sauce (Valentina), diced onions, or crushed chips for texture.

This chili is even better the next day, so be sure to save the leftovers!

Enjoy!

So tell me: What is your favorite go-to dinner?

Hunger Pains. (Not Games.)

Over the years, I have learned to hate hunger pains.

Or rather, I've avoided them like the proverbial plague.

I ate when I felt like it. As it is with emotional eating. I rarely experienced true hunger.



Hungry. December 2009.

Since overhauling my eating/exercise habits two years ago, I changed to eating when I schedule it.

It still isn't about need. Well, it is in a way. I know that my body needs food every 2-3 hours to keep me from getting hungry. I also need to fit in a certain amount of fruits, veggies, lean protein, and dairy in my day, not to mention a specified calorie total. So I schedule my meals. Down to each individual calorie.

My hope is that once I have reached my goal weight, I will maintain my weight through a combination of scheduling and eating when I need to - when my body tells me that it's hungry.

Here's the problem: I don't always know when I'm hungry.

My body often mimics hunger pains when I know I shouldn't be hungry. Or should it? I eat about 100-150 calories every 2-3 hours. Dinner usually takes up more of my allotted portion. So maybe my body is hungry an hour after lunch, which is to say, whatever snack-meal I ate between noon and 2pm.

Bowling. And hungry. August 2009.

Since starting this weight loss journey, I have heard (and tried) many tips to do with hunger pains. If you know you shouldn't be hungry/need more food: Wait 15 minutes. Drink water. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Drink more water.

Many of us who have dealt with overeating and unhealthy weight can often lose our ability to self-monitor our eating. It isn't just about self control, it is a learned habit, one that is very difficult to change. Our relationship with food has become unhealthy and unnatural. That is why we have "tips and tricks" of all sorts. That is why we read countless blogs, articles, magazines, and books about losing weight. We have to get rid of hurtful habits and learn helpful new ones.

After reading one of my favorite blogs a while back, though I can't remember the specific post, I got to thinking about hunger pains. Yes, a rumbly tummy can be a body's way of telling its owner that it needs food (or a quick trip to the restroom, though that would just be inappropriate for me to allude to here). But does that rumble mean you need to eat immediately? Is hunger bad?

What does the rumble mean?

Does it have to be a hated occurrence dramatically equated to near-starvation and the stress of all things food related? (As it can be in my case....)

 

Or,

 

Can the rumble simply be a reminder of good things to come?

 

A reminder of what I have, which many do not.

 

A reminder of my choices to schedule each of those darn calories to one day look back and see my progress and successes.

 

A reminder that my body has been designed to use food as fuel.

 

A reminder of that delicious dinner I'm making.

 

A reminder of the benefits of sacrifice and discipline.

 

Playing cards. Hungry. March 2012.

 

Perhaps I will begin to love the presense of hunger pains, rather than loathe their very existence.

 

 

Well,

 

We'll see about that.

 

It's a place to start, anyway. :)

 

Hungry and happy about it. March 2012.

 

 

So tell me: What natural occurences do you use a reminder? What do you do with hunger pains?