Moving requires work. Did you know that?
I was thinking I could snap my fingers, or sprinkle some fairy dust, and the packing and logistics would all take care of themselves.
Not so.
In fact, we must do that ourselves. Boo.
This is when I blow through my lips making horse-like noises. Try not to picture it. Not pretty. Spit everywhere.
Remember how I make lists? Well, this moving business just adds to my insatiable need to make lists. And lists. And some more lists.
And then ignore them completely when the stress of it all becomes overwhelming.
You see, my husband's simple suggestion that we start organizing/packing this week, so as to spread the work out over six weeks, turned into a near-breakdown for me.
All of a sudden, I was imagining myself on one of those spinning playground discs, holding onto one of the upside-down-U-bars, watching the tasks of life whiz around my head: dog, work, cooking, cleaning, husband, exercise, errands, church, family, friends, getting a job - and then "packing" got unceremoniously thrown in by the hubs. His thought was not only innocent, but trying to think practically to make our lives simpler in the coming weeks. (How silly men can be.)
And yet. I very nearly fell apart. Over the phone. (Am I the only one who struggles with anything important being talked about over the phone? Yes? Okay. Nevermind then, I was just kidding...)
The thing is, I have a really hard time being in the moment. You know what I mean? I am either dwelling on the past or
Then, the other night at home, I noticed something: When I am on the floor playing with my almost-8-week-old pup, MacDuff, the world stops. It's just him, me, and his little red toy. (Which we are desperately trying to get him to chew instead of our fingers - especially since his sharp little puppy teeth are now coming in.)
I wrestle him around, carefully - he's very small, he growls his toughest puppy growl, and I delight in him. When I have human children someday, and yes, I am thereby saying my MacDuff is my non-human child, I imagine this feeling will be similar. (Strangely enough, this same feeling happens when I play video games with my husband.)
I am in charge of this little guy when I'm with him. He's so small that he could very easily get hurt, or worse, pee on the carpet, when I'm not looking. He requires constant attention. And I gladly give it to him. He is a lot of work. Don't be misled - puppies are A LOT of work. But it is rewarding work. I see him learning, discovering, and it fascinates me. It enthralls me. I have no thoughts of past or future, or anything other than the black little furball scurrying around my floor tripping over his own feet. Well, paws.
I could be worrying about how potty training might scale back a few steps once we move. I could be thinking about that cute DIY vintage suitcase puppy bed I saw on Pinterest. I could be wondering about our finances, asking myself how we will pay for all his puppy needs when I haven't landed a job yet. I could focus on how silly people might think it is to have gotten a puppy right now, that I treat him like he's my baby (which, of course, he is), or that I love putting him in his puppy stroller (true story, you can laugh all you want, it's been a life saver).
But what will any of that accomplish other than stressing me out? Thankfully, I have no time to let those thoughts in when MacDuff is licking my hand or sniffing the shoes (a favored pooping depository - did I just make up a word?).
Why is it that it is so difficult for me to give this kind of rapt attention to whatever task is in front of me? Whether it be doing the dishes, making copies at work, or just hanging out with Kevin, why is it so hard to leave worries behind? Or leave them in the future where they belong?
[And while we're at it, why do I care so damn much about what other people think of me and the things I do? That is the makings of an entirely different post - maybe a series of posts - so it can stay in the limbo of 'query' for now. Oi.]
The verse about turning worries into to prayers comes to mind (Phil. 4:4-6). I'm terrible at this. Yet, when I try, when I trust, my shoulders relax and I am more able to give my undivided attention to my current task.
Let's give this a try:
(If you are the praying sort, feel free to add these to your list.)
Nicole's Worries into Prayers:
* puppy training
* jobs/financial provision
* family/friends
* being less controlled by other's thoughts and opinions
* health/weight/self-image
* peace in the midst of change/turmoil/uncertainty
While I continue to strive for this elusive ability of being 'in the moment', I will play "bark and growl" (awesome game I made up) with my puppy and Mario with my husband. Equally satisfying.
So tell me: What helps you be in the moment? How do you handle your worries? When do you find yourself most in the moment?
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