My Dear Friends, I Need Help

Do you even know how thankful I am that you all have been following along as I ramble, cook, process, whine, and get amazingly busy?

It's an incredible thing to read an unexpected message from a friend, even a faraway one. The words many of you have shared with me over the past several months has been extremely encouraging.

And I'm in need, my dear friends.

Yesterday I weighed in, the first time in more weeks than I remember. It wasn't all that surprising, but it was certainly discouraging: 209.4.

There are plenty of reasons I could give, many excuses, true situations and circumstances that have simply made weight loss and overall health very difficult for me to focus on. And looking through old pictures, seeing where I was, what I worked for so hard, and knowing where I am now, just plain hurts. I have to move on though, right? Thank the Lord I'm not alone.

My husband is the most supportive man in the world. We have decided to work on our health as a team. Each of us has goals. God bless that man, because I know I couldn't even entertain weight loss anymore if it weren't for his encouragement. 

Don't judge me, guys, but I haven't exactly stuck to any plans lately. I've been very inconsistent. It's true - I feel kinda lame about that. But! That doesn't mean I quit. Here's the new plan: finish the 30 Day Shred (DVD by Jillian Michaels) and track my calories every day - staying between 1200 and 1500, aiming for the lower amount. After I've finished the initial 30 days, I'll move it down to 5 days a week. The workouts are only 20 minutes a day, which should be doable.

It's going to suck. It always does. I started yesterday.

This is where you come in: I could really use your words of encouragement. An email (listed under the Contact Me page) from a friend, cheering me on, sending me good thoughts would be so welcome. So, if it comes to mind at some point, tomorrow, two weeks from now, months from now, would you send me a note? It would really mean a lot to me.

Wish me luck and say a prayer!


So tell me: What's going on in your life?

First Coupon Story

I've been hearing about this Extreme Coupon-ing mystery for a while. Women (and probably men, as well) out there who know how to work a grocery store. My sister-in-law spent about a year cataloging and saving after my brother lost his job. At one point she was saving 75% on their monthly grocery budget. That caught my interest. She also had this AWESOME binder, completely organized with all her coupons. That REALLY got my interest. (Read: I have a *perhaps* unhealthy love of organizing just about anything.)

And then Safeway came out with this "Just 4 U" coupon system on their website and in the smart phone app. I love my iPhone. Anything that encourages me to use my iPhone even more makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. So a while ago, I made a list of things I needed at the store, cross-referenced that list with the various coupons on the Safeway app (using my Club Card, of course), and went to the store hoping to save a few bucks. 

My total savings that trip were as follows:

Just for U Savings: $10.44
Club Card Savings: $9.58
Total Savings: $20.02, or 31% of my total purchases.

My favorite deal was on our favorite ground coffee, Starbucks Cafe Verona. It usually costs $9.99 at Safeway. To use my app coupons, I had to buy two, which would usually cost $19.98. After my savings, together they were $12.54!!!

Pretty sweet, eh?!

This has to be repeated, no? Yes! This launched me into a day-and-a-half of online research at places like TheKrazyCouponLady.com and FabulesslyFrugal.com. Check them out!

Here's a bit of what I found:

• Safeway will stack manufacturer coupons on top of Safeway specific coupons
• There are a lot of printable coupons out there
• Coupon/club savings go in cycles, so the low price I see will probably be back before too long
• You can get free stuff!
• The Catalina print outs (the receipt-like coupons at the register) can save you money, if you know what to buy
• Sometimes the store brand will be cheaper anyway

Today I went to Safeway with a plan to (pretty much) only buy things I could use at least one coupon on. I must confess, I spent more than I had intended to, but I did score some major deals. I'll let you in on a few of my favorite scores.

The Corn Chex was on sale for 2/$6 already, and then I used a $1 off coupon to make them $2.50 each ($2.98 in savings).

Nestle Morsels, usually $3.49. My price was $1.99 with Card and J4U savings.

2 packages of French's French Fried Onions (just in time for Thanksgiving!), usually $9.98. My price was $6.38 after Card and J4U savings.

Jif Hazelnut Spread, usually $4.99. My price was $2.50 after Card and J4U savings.

McCormick Gourmet Spices. This was one of my favorite favorites!!! My coupon saved me $2 on each spice, plus there was a Card deal for Buy Two Get One free. The three spices I bought (cardamon, curry, cajon) would usually be $25.27. My price after Card and J4U savings (manufacturer coupon) was $16.28!!!

McCormick Pure Vanilla Extract (2 boxes), usually $14.98. My price was $5.99 after Card and J4U savings! This was a BOGO free deal, with an added $1.50 off coupon.

Star Olive Oil, usually 10.29. My price was $5 after the Club Card savings!

Bounce Dryer Sheets, usually $5.49. My price was $3.06 after Card and J4U savings.

Crest Toothpaste, usually $7.79 for two packs. My price was $4.25 after Card and J4U savings.

Duracell Batteries, 16 ct, usually $13.99. My price was $9.14 after Card and J4U savings.

Navel oranges, 8lb bag, usually $7.99. My price was $5 after Club Card savings.

My VERY FAVORITE OF THE FAVORITES, you ask??? Well, the bag of Hershey's Bliss Dark Chocolates that I got ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!!

I also got the little mix-in package of Duncan Hines Frosting Creations for free, but that is less exciting - especially since I have nothing to mix it into right now.

Side note: I took a trip over to Rite Aid on my way home to score a couple more deals. I had taken a coupon for 1ct Reach toothbrushes to Safeway, but they only had packs of 2. So I tried my luck at Rite Aid. I found online that if I bought at least two of these, the Catalina machine would spit out a $2 coupon for the overall purchase at participating stores. So, following the directions of the Coupon Ladies, I did two transactions at the register. First I used my coupon to buy the two toothbrushes (which were already on sale), taking the price total from $9.98 to $4 (before taxes). Then I used the $2 coupon from the Catalina machine to buy three boxes of Christmas cards, which were also already on sale (for Buy One Get Two free). This transaction total went from the original $17.97 to $3.99 (before taxes). I got two toothbrushes and a total of 48 Christmas cards for $8.95 (after taxes). Awesome, right?

There were even more savings that I did not picture, such as my 50% savings on a bag of Tillamook shredded cheddar cheese, or Yoplait Yogurt, usually $0.65 each. I bought 6, which would normally cost $3.90. My price was $2.30, or about $0.38 each, after Card and J4U savings, including manufacturer coupons.

And yes, some things are still cheaper even without the coupons. Example: Safeway brand salsa and Pantry Essentials butter. Each of these was cheaper (by the ounce) than the brands I had coupons for.

This took time and planning, but I am so glad I did it! 

Between the two stores, I saved a total of $101.95 today!!!

Or to put it another way:

I got the following products for a total of $141.23:

Reach toothbrush (x2)

48 Christmas cards

Nestle chocolate chips

Hershey's Bliss chocolates

French fried onions (x2)

Safeway pitted olives, canned (x2)

Libby's Pumpkin, canned (x2)

Morton Kosher salt

Jif hazelnut spread

Phillips milk of magnesia

McCormick gourmet spices (x3)

McCormick pure vanilla extract (x2)

8lb bag navel oranges

8oz bag Tillamook shredded cheddar cheese

Yoplait yogurt (x7)

Corn Chex (x2)

Crest toothpaste (x2)

Baker's 14oz flaked coconut

Duncan Hines Frosting Creations packet

16ct Duracell AA batteries

Prego pasta sauce (x2)

Lucerne aerosol whipped cream (x2)

Safeway select premium ice cream

Safeway farms bacon

Star olive oil, 1 Pt.

Zygo Cactus

Mission Flour tortillas, 8ct.

Safeway Oats & Nuts sliced bread

Bounce dryer sheets

Starbucks Cafe Verona (x2)

Safeway salsa, 4lb 6oz

This would normally cost a total of $243.18. Wow! Great shopping trip!

So tell me: What do you do to save? Do you clip coupons?

Victor/Victoria

A short time ago, Kevin and I celebrated our first anniversary in Victoria, B. C. (Our anniversary isn't actually until November 20th, so it was a bit early.) It was the perfect trip. That husband of mine did a fantastic job of planning our very first anniversary trip, our second vacation since being married.

After carefully budgeting and saving, we were able to drive up to Seattle on Thursday night to stay at the Edgewater Hotel. That place is swanky! It was here that I discovered the color coordination of my shoes and phone:

Early Friday morning we ran (literally ran!) to get to our ferry, the Victoria Clipper. Victoria! Eee!

Very yummy breakfast!

So, we actually DID see orca whales on our way to B. C., but there was no way to get a good photo - so I took a photo of this pamphlet instead. Good stuff, eh? 

We arrived in Victoria and set out on foot for the Hotel Grand Pacific. I highly recommend it!

For lunch we tracked down an Indian Curry restaurant. The food was okay, not great. A little too spicy, and pretty spendy for what you get. Instead of mints, they brought a bowl of candied fennel seeds to chew on. 

They tasted like black licorice!

Saturday was spent watching Netflix, napping, and eating. The day before we picked up makings for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at a 7-11 in town. That served as four of our meals while on vacation. Great way to save money! 

For dinner we ate at Vic's Steakhouse. So. Good. I had a Tuscan burger. For dessert we walked over to the Harbour House for chocolate mousse. Yum. Yum. Yum!

On Sunday we walked all around town, enjoying a day without rain. Starbucks (pretty much guaranteed clean bathrooms!), lunch at Paradiso (a restaurant we found on Friday and decided to try later), Miniature World (so cool), walking around The Bay mall (that crap was expensive), and dinner at The Bard and Banker Scottish Pub (sweet potato fries, fish dippers, corn chowder). 

Paradiso was DELICIOUS! And affordable. You really have to try it sometime.

This was a street busker we had to stop and watch for a bit. I mean, come on!

On a side note, the dip for the sweet potato fries was a ginger and lime mayo - I need to try to recreate it sometime!

For dessert we picked up chocolate truffles and walked back to our hotel to enjoy them. Our last night in Victoria gave us this view:

While we only had half a day on Monday, we walked around some more, enjoying our last hours of vacation.

Sam's Deli. Very tasty, and wallet friendly.

Steph, Jessi, does this bear look at all familiar to you?? :)

This was the only disappointing part of the trip. Mirage Coffee. Had a sign advertising coffee art. Noting my recent obsession with latte art, who can blame me for wanting to be served some while on vacation? This is what I got. Milk poured over espresso. No art. No attempt at art. Sad.

The trip was amazing. So incredibly relaxing. Miss it already. :)

Small Victories

So today Kevin and I went back "on plan".

That means no breads, potatoes, pasta, rice, etc. for Kevin.

That means only Medifast food, lean protein, and veggies for me.

We made an exception for one slice of cake each after his swearing in ceremony tomorrow.

(Did I mention that my husband passed the bar exam?! Yeah, he did. He's awesome.)

We also made an exception for our early anniversary trip that we're taking in two weeks.

I was feeling pretty good this morning when I headed in to work.

Day 1 of anything is usually equal parts exciting and suckage.

And it's Monday.

When I walked in, I saw that my coworker made her famous cinnamon rolls. Rude.

And then the Donut Guy came through the shop.

He's this guy that brings a box of donuts with him. Every. Time. He. Comes.

There are ALWAYS apple fritters and maple bars in there.

ALWAYS.

Double rude.

Guess what?!

I did not give in.

Small Victories.


So tell me: What are your small victories lately?

Phone Pics

I'm going to let my phone speak for itself. Just go with it.

Made to Crave: Personal Reflections, Chapter #1

Personal Reflections

1. If you could personify craving based on your experience of it, what form might it take? Would it be like the little orange monster or would it take a different shape? Describe what your craving looks like and how it behaves. If you could sit down and have a conversation with this imaginary craving, what do you think it might say to you? What questions would you want to ask it? How do you imagine it might respond?

My answer: I feel like my cravings are a sneak attack; I won’t even know I’m having a craving, or feeding one, until I’m half-way through. It’s like an old friend comes to visit, I do what I always do, and only realize later on that it was an enemy the whole time. It is always so enticing and comfortable-looking. I think it, what I often call The Beast, would promise me that it could make me feel better – no matter how I’m currently feeling. If I’m celebrating, happy, sad, angry, bored – it doesn’t matter- it will make me feel better. It says, “Nicole, give in to me, and the bad thing you feel will go away. Give in to me and I will make your happiness and celebration even greater! If you don’t use me, you will regret it. If you don’t eat that food, you’ll feel deprived – and you may never get another chance to eat that particular food. You can’t handle your issue any other way; I’m the only one who can help you.” I would ask it why it never keeps those promises – why I always feel worse eventually for giving in to the temptation. I would ask it why it chooses me, when I know other girls who do not have to deal with it. To both, it would probably tell me that I just misunderstand, that my disappointment or discouragement is my fault – whether I eat or not.

2. How do you respond to the idea that God made us to crave? Have you ever pursued a craving - a longing, passion, or desire - that made a positive contribution to your life? What do you think distinguishes that kind of craving from the craving that leads you to eat in unhealthy ways?

My answer: It makes a lot of sense to me that God made me to crave. (I’m choosing to answer with “me” and not “we” or “us”, because I usually take the easy route- making it less personal and more general or universal. Just one more way I’m trying to combat this whole issue. I learned to stick with “me” and “I” in Celebrate Recovery, so I’m going to keep at it.) Most of the disciplines in my life – as in, things I started and actually finished – were like a craving, something I couldn’t quit because of obstacles. Things that ended up being positive pursuits for me: education, theatre, friendships/relationships, crocheting, learning Spanish, traveling, Kevin, baking/cooking. These kinds of cravings are under my control, instead of the other way around. That’s what makes them healthy. I’m still able to prioritize them, even leave one behind, if need be. That isn’t the case with food.

3. If it's true that we are made to crave, how might it change the way you understand your cravings? Do you believe there could be any benefits to listening to your cravings rather than trying to silence them? If so, what might those benefits be? If not, why not?

My Answer: I guess my first thought would be that both God and Satan have influence over me, which means some of my cravings wouldn’t be good or beneficial to me. I’ve never really thought about “listening to my cravings” before; it is a really interesting idea. It is true that I try to silence them, or ignore them, as I think about it, with food. Listening to them instead would be like giving myself a chance to figure out if it is a good or bad craving. From there, I can assess why I might be having that craving. I am a very introspective person, so I can usually figure out what I’m feeling and why, and yet I “medicate” with food anyway. In some ways, this seems really hard because listening to my craving, figuring out why it’s happening, also means I could do something about it – other than eat. I am not good about making sure my needs are met. I never want to be selfish or self-centered. So I try to ignore my needs most of the time, which never does anyone any good in the long run. Listening to my current craving, naming it, figuring out where it’s coming from, and then doing something about it (again, other than eat) could be so helpful to me. I have read so many things about good responses: drink a glass of water, go on a walk, call a friend, listen to music – basically, distract yourself from the unbelievable longing for food long enough for it to subside. I don’t usually try these things. I either just eat, or ignore the craving altogether- which only lasts so long. It isn’t actually dealing with it. Telling myself that I am worth taking care of, that the need I’m currently having is worth meeting, that taking time to listen to my craving and do something positive about it sounds like a really good idea to me. But talking about it now is so much easier than doing it in the moment. Not only do I want to eat in really emotional moments, but eating is also habitual for me. I don’t even have to think about it, my body just does it. 

4. The Bible describes three ways Satan tries to lure us away from loving God: cravings, lust of the eyes, and boasting (1 John 2:15-16). Lysa explains how Satan used these tactics with both Eve and Jesus. Using the list below, think back over the last twenty-four hours or the last few days to see if you recognize how you may have been tempted in similar ways.

Cravings: meeting physical desires outside the will of God. In what ways were you tempted by desires for things such as food, alcohol, drugs, or sex?

My answer: Food. Definitely food. Over the last few days I have eaten every comfort food within my reach – to the point of feeling sickly full. My stomach will feel taut to the touch. I hate that feeling. But I’ve been stressed, dealing with a lot of stuff, so I tell myself it’s okay. And sometimes, I think it is okay to comfort myself with food. Maybe that’s wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t let myself do that until I’m at a point when I have much better control of my food issues. I don’t know. But I do know that I was tempted a lot and that I gave in each time. I would find something full of sugar, fat, or salt to keep the emotions at bay. This has gone way beyond eating to fuel my body. And once I’ve “ruined” my day, I just figure I might as well “start tomorrow” and eat what I want for the rest of the day. Lovely cycle. 

Lust of the eyes: meeting material desires outside the will of God. In what ways were you tempted by desires for material things - clothing, financial portfolio, appliance, vacation plans, cosmetics, home decor, electronics, etc.?

My Answer: I really want to get some cosmetic stuff. And I know it is perfectly find for me to get a curling iron, blow dryer, flat iron, and makeup. Kevin and I budget for these kinds of things – both as needs and wants. But, I have been focusing on them (okay, obsessing) over these things the last few days to try to keep my stress even further at bay when food doesn’t seem to get the job done thoroughly enough. Even when I had alone time with Kevin (which is a positive thing I crave), I found myself on my phone or computer looking up prices of these things. Good indicator that I’m trying to avoid/ignore/silence a craving.

Boasting: meeting needs for significance outside the will of God. In what ways were you tempted by your desires to prop up your significance  - perhaps by name dropping, exaggerating, feigning humility, or other virtues, doing something just because you knew it would be observed by others, etc.?

My Answer: I am total people-pleaser and love getting those stamps of approval. This often is coupled with feelings of intense obligation to others, which can foster resentment and anger. This has grown my codependency in major ways over the years. I can say that I have made great strides in this area over the last few years, but it still very tangible in my everyday life.

Of the three kinds of temptations, which is the most difficult for you to resist? Which is the easiest to resist? Why?

My Answer: Food is the most difficult for me to resist. I think that is because it meets an immediate need without hurting anyone else (at least that is what I tell myself in the moment). Everyone has to eat, so in my mind it won’t send up any red flags for anyone else. Though, I do tend to start hiding and sneaking food when I know I am giving in to a craving and don’t want to be talked out of it or judged by anyone – even if that is all in my head. Material things is easiest for me to resist because I have what I need; when I want something else, Kevin and I save up for it and I can have it. 

5. Jesus quotes the truth of Scripture to defeat temptation. Have you ever used Scripture in this way? What was the result?  How do you feel about the idea of using this approach to address your unhealthy eating patterns?

My Answer: The only experience I have with using Scripture in this way is when I have nightmares. My mom taught me, when I was very little, to repeat the following whenever I woke up from a bad dream and was very scared, “The blood of Jesus Christ washes over me, and Satan has no power here.” It wasn’t a direct quotation of Scripture, but it was calling on the power of Christ and the truths of the Bible. To this day, it never fails to protect me through the rest of the night. In some ways, I love the idea of quoting Scripture to combat unhealthy cravings and eating patterns, but in another way, I’m afraid it will work and that I will have to miss out on food. Isn’t that crazy? I love food so much. I love making food. Cooking and baking are some of my favorite pastimes. I’m good at it! Kevin loves it. It can be very therapeutic. And I have to eat – I have to cook for my household. That makes it so hard! This is one of my strongest arguments. Nonetheless, if I am serious about making permanent changes, I have to be willing to do anything, right? Especially when my gut tells me it is a good thing that will actually help me. Making my food issues, my health, about God instead of about me sounds so refreshing.

So tell me: How would you answer these questions? What thoughts are spurred by this? Do any of my answers resonate with you? Do you have any questions for me?

**All questions were quoted directly from the book: Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst; the answers are my own.**

100th Post: 100 Things

1. I like chocolate
2. I hate dieting
3. I hate exercising
4. I do both anyway
5. I love almost every kind of music
6. Colors make me happy
7. I hate doing the dishes
8. I love when they're done
9. My favorite book is A Ring of Endless Light by Madeline L'Engle
10. My favorite song is Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy
11. I walked down the isle to that song at my wedding
12. Mango margaritas from Red Robin make me very, very happy
13. Dark chocolate also makes me very happy
14. I got to watch one of my nieces being born when I was 12
15. Our friends just had a baby boy, who I hold when I need baby therapy, which he delivers quite perfectly 
16. I'm a Jesus girl
17. That isn't an actual thing, it is just my way of saying I'm a 'believer', Christian, without being stuck with a stereotype or label
18. Number 17 just negated number 16
19. I love taking pictures
20. My favorite stuffed animal growing up was named Blanky Bear
21. I sucked two fingers on my left (I think) hand until I was seven
22. To end that habit, I had to sleep with socks on my hands
23. My favorite thing to do right now is sit on my couch with Kevin watching House and eating ice cream
24. I majored in Theatre and Spanish in college
25. I got my Masters in Teaching after that
26. I have a LOT of student debt
27. I absolutely love my job as a barista
28. My husband finds out on Friday whether or not he passed the Bar Exam
29. Pins
30. and
31. Needles
32. Candles and music make everything better
33. I got that from my mom
34. As well as her penchant for decorating and laughing at her own jokes
35. I've yet to taste a type of alcohol I don't enjoy
36. I am not an alcoholic
37. I love snuggling with my puppy, MacDuff
38. He is a pain in the patootie most of the time
39. Patooty?
40. I straightened my hair last week and LOVE it
41. I might get a Brazilian Blowout to have it straight for a few months
42. That is not a "downstairs" kinda thing
43. But even when I found that out, it is the only thing I can think of whenever I hear the words "Brazilian Blowout"
44. Then I laugh to myself, the middle-schooler-at-heart that I am
45. I haven't been writing on here much this month
46. Things have been kinda stressful
47. But God is good
48. And so is my husband
49. And chocolate
50. And onion rings
51. Not being able to fit an onion ring into the ranch dipping bowl is a "First World" problem
52. It sucks, nonetheless
53. I moved MacDuff's big kennel into the office in order to use the heating elements without scorching the little dude
54. I love having more open space in here!
55. I look at my wedding ring often
56. Kevin and I always kiss in sets of three
57. One of my favorite customer's name is John
58. He gets a 24 ounce iced mocha with 2% milk
59. My mom got me the Jesus Calling journal/devotional that I've been wanting, even though she had no idea I wanted it
60. Sometimes I miss the Bible like an ache inside me
61. That happens when I haven't been in the Word for a while
62. It is still really hard to get back into it
63. I really want to lose this weight
64. My resolve is fleeting
65. As are my attempts at healthy eating and exercise
66. I'm discouraged
67. And yet hopeful
68. I'm reading a book called Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food
69. It is incredibly poignant and far too accurate about my experience
70. I'm excited to tell you all more about it as I continue to read and process
71. I'm singing on worship team again this week
72. No matter the situation, I love worshiping God and using that gift to point others to Him
73. (I'm beginning to wonder if I should be using periods at the ends of each bullet point)
74. Cuddling with my husband, talking about whatever odd thing that crosses our minds, feeling completely safe, and needed, and loved, and treasured, might be when I feel God's love the most
75. It has now been four years since I have been in a musical
76. I miss musical theatre with a passion
77. I got some fantastic clothes at Kohls a couple weekends ago
78. Shopping for myself is a love/hate relationship
79. Accessories are always easier to shop for; Marshall's did not fail me
80. Sunglasses, a case, rainy-weather coat, purse, and Lentil Chips (who knew?)
81. Shoes are not easy to shop for: very. wide. feet.
82. I had to get new jeans because I wore holes in my old ones
83. In the thighs
84. I hate that
85. It feels like a "fat girl" thing
86. I discovered quinoa pasta (also made with corn starch) - perfect for a (mostly) grain-free husband
87. Kevin and I are making no-bake cookies for his work all-month-birthday party tomorrow
88. That makes me feel grown up
89. I cleaned out the fridge today
90. Ew.
91. We watched Man on a Ledge last night with a free Redbox rental that got texted to me
92. Free stuff is AWESOME
93. I got the new iPhone 5 and could not be more excited
94. Actually, it hasn't been shipped yet, so I don't have it yet
95. I check my email about every hour to see if it has shipped yet
96. But they told me it would take at least 3-4 weeks
97. It's only been two
98. I love paying my bills when I know I have enough money to do so and that they are on time
99. I always feel accomplished and responsible
100. I love writing this blog, even when I do not have lots of time to do so. So don't go away. Keep reading. Keep commenting. Contact me anytime! I would love to get a little more dialogue going on here - when I can manage.

So tell me: What number resonated with you the most? Why? If you made a similar list right now, what would it be like? 

And because I can't figure out how to embed photos into the formatted list above, here are the ones I wanted to show you:

The End.