Lentils, Tikkas, and Bananas, Oh My!

Last week, while standing in the kitchen walking toward the go-to dinner cupboard, I realized that I had inadvertently taken a short hiatus from cooking dinner. It had been several weeks since I had tried a new recipe. Other than making the lentils a few times, dinners had been quick, repetitive, and mostly comprised of stereotypical college dorm food.

Kevin was a little too quick to agree.

"What?! You don't like sandwiches and chili from a can every night? I don't know how to make duck-con-fee (see how gourmet I am?)! Remember that one night when you were too stuffed from your lunchtime frozen pizza so I ate chips, salsa, and heated canned green beans, delicately balanced on my lap, while sitting on the arm of the couch? That's variety and ingenuity!"


Hmm.

Perhaps the man had a point. (I'll never let on, though.)

So, this week, with a little planning and creativity, I tried some new recipes, tweaked some old favorites, and added some (real) variety to our evenings (and took way too many pictures of food - see below).

Homemade Pita Chips (a WW member recipe)

 Garlicky, parmesany deliciousness. Excellent crunch factor.

I needed to bake the chips a little longer (a bit soggy in the middle), and perhaps one egg white would do, maybe even just the olive oil. Nevertheless, they were quite tasty! And I love a side dish that is filling, delicious, and only 2 Points per serving (4 chips)!

Thank you, Vanna. 

[When using an egg wash, make sure the layer is thin enough not to leave small bits of baked egg on top of the chips. Oops.]

Chicken Tikka Masala (Weight Watchers recipe found here) with grilled asparagus and jasmine rice.

I prepped the chicken the night before so it could marinate in the yogurt sauce for a whole day. Do you know that grating fresh ginger root is actually somewhat difficult? That was a new one for me! In fact, I'd never made any Indian food before.

Triple Chocolate Chunk Muffins (Pinterest find, recipe here)

The muffins, each a scrumptous 2-Point snack, earned the hubby's approval (which is something - picky eater) even after my disclaimer: "Hey, try this muffin. I think it's pretty good. Although, they are healthy..."

Healthy is often a buzz word meaning 'less tasty' in my husband's vocabulary.

Honey Applesauce Banana Bread (another pinned win, recipe here)

Though my banana bread got glowing responses from several taste-testers, the hubs is not a fan of the banana flavor. So his disinterest in my FIRSTEVERANDDELICIOUS banana bread doesn't count. I'm not bitter.

(Okay, he did tell me a long time ago that he doesn't really like banana bread... I just happened to forget this small detail when I got all excited about the over ripened bananas I've been freezing for weeks...)

Admiring the hubby's handiwork.

Slow Cooker Lentil Soup (recipe here) made especially for our dinner guest who had yet to taste lentils, with roasted broccoli and crumbly bacon.

What I love about the lentil soup is that I can have the hubs get the slow cooker going during the day in between his text book reading and paper writing - which means dinner is basically ready by the time I get home. [And cooking doesn't stress him out at all. Nope, he loves it with a fiery passion. He always asks if he can do all the cooking since it is such a stress reliever. It doesn't send him into a frantic panic or bring a glisten to his brow. He cherishes the moments of solitude and quiet in the kitchen.]



Roasted Broccoli (found while reading one of my favorite blogs, recipe here)

I love broccoli. You know that church potluck cold broccoli salad with raisins and nuts? Love it. Steamed broccoli? I'll take some right now. Stir fried? Yes! And then I discovered oven-roasted veggies from a dear friend of mine a couple years ago. This recipe I used, which introduced me to grapeseed oil, was delictible! Next time I would set the oven at 375 instead of 400 and bake the little florets for a few more minutes (just a bit too much crunch).

Baked Bacon (recipe here)

The bacon baking was another Pinterest find. After laying down a sheet of tin foil, I laid out my bacon on the baking pan, sizzled the little guys for 20 minutes at 375 degrees, and got PERFECT BACON!!! The fat dripped easily into my fat drippings jar (technical term) and left very little mess. And, oh man, that bacon was perfectly delicious. Crispy, no gross chewy-fatty sections, and a wonderful spectrum of bronzes and browns. Gorgeous. It was a fantastic crushed addition to the lentil-y goodness.

..........

Fresh ingredients, time spent self-soothing in the kitchen, grocery lists, my favorite green apron, the satiated smile on my favorite man after eating good bites, and knowing that I never once jeopardized my weight loss progress or lost flavor along with calories - that is my definition of a successful cooking/baking week.

It's funny how my happiness still revolves around Food. At times.

Planning meals, scanning the shelves of Albertsons to see if anything may inspire my creativity, multi-tasking in the kitchen, smelling, tasting, plating, feeding my love, making dinner for friends, pinning every good-looking recipe on Pinterest, following food blogs, trying quinoa and basil paste for the first time, savoring a square of Dove dark chocolate as I snuggle under the covers for the night, saving up for a splurge of calories with family or at a restaurant.

Slowly, but surely, Food and I shall love each other in a healthy way.



So tell me: WHAT ARE YOU COOKING AND BAKING? Recipes, please! :)

Twinkle Toes



You may not know this about me, but I would love to have the gift of dance.


Each summer I give in to my obsession with So You Think You Can Dance. And each summer I watch talented individuals do what I wish I could. And each summer I have squealed with delight alongside my girlfriends. (Squealing usually includes the exclamation, "TRAVIS!!!!".)

You know what? I am not a good dancer. Choreography is really difficult for me to pick up. My coordination is only so-so. But, Good Lord Above, every fiber of my being quivers with excitement as I watch, aching to get up and do it too!

I will dance in heaven. I decided. Even if not gracefully, it won't matter.

Sometimes I do dance,

while I'm walking down the aisle in a grocery store

on the treadmill, haven't fallen...yet

in the shower

with my nieces (not in the shower with my nieces... just for clarification)

at my wedding

at anyone's wedding

sometimes in front of the bathroom mirror

wearing a bunny-inspired outfit, I danced one ballet recital at age five.

Perhaps God gave me the gift of song so I could dance with my voice. Though, I will always keep watching all those dance movies and shows so that I can live out my dream through those with the gift. Center Stage, You Got Served, Step Up, I love them all. One of my favorite parts of the few Broadway shows I've seen is always the dancing. Beautiful. Magical. Indescribable.

I would love to have the gift of dance.


So tell me: What do you wish you could do? Do you have a hidden talent?

Weekly Update, and Fat = Lazy

Weekly Update:

Exercise: four 25-minute walks around the school track (which is just about 5.25 miles total); one 20-minute elliptical 'pump'

Weight loss: Today I'm at 176! Woohoo! 9 pounds down in 10 weeks!

Pretty good for spending the weekend at my parent's! (Where The Stash apparently migrated during the work week. I'd wondered where it'd gone.)

Well, my average is still pretty close to losing one pound per week. While I would love to say that I am down 20 pounds in 10 weeks, at least I can say that I have stayed on program that whole time, met my exercise goals each week, my clothes already fit much better, and have been able to have fun extras when I've planned for it!

This, however, is not to say that I don't have moments when I want to give up because it seems so slow. Forcing myself into workout clothes and out the door to the gym has been torturous the last couple of weeks. And I've been SO MUNCHY!!! All of a sudden I will want every comfort food within reach. (No, I'm not preggo - just emotional. So, just normal.)

No matter how long it takes me to reach the best weight for my body, it will be worth it in the long run. My changes are going to last. This is about a lifestyle, not a short-term diet. When I do reach that goal, it will be a moment to celebrate! I'm so excited for that!

The truth is, this is really hard! Anyone who has tried to lose weight, or reach any long-term goal, knows all about this. It is never easy to start new habits while phasing out old ones. Though there are some people that seem to think that this, specifically weight loss, is easy. To hear more on my opinion on that, keep reading!


Oh, I told you this was coming. Be warned: I am about to vent. Steam is a'coming, try not to get burned.


"Fat people are just lazy. If they would just eat the right food and exercise, they wouldn't have that problem."

"Ew. That girl is so gross. She needs to lose some weight."

"Working out and eating right is so easy."


Ooooo, girl, you done just pissed off this mama bear. I'magunna wring your skinny little neck. Short but feisty!


"Oh my word. I am so fat!" (Said by a size-0 woman eating a cupcake.)

"Did you see that girl's stomach? How does someone let themselves get like that?"

"That guy must weigh a ton. Video games, much?"


Hold me back! Hold me back! Them's fightin' words!


There seems to be this idea that anyone who is overweight must be lazy. MYTH. There are many factors to obesity, most of which have to do with our environment and genetics. TRUTH.

Yes, it is also true that our nation has a health crisis on its hands. Across the country the statistics are alarming. "About one-third of U.S. adults (33.8%) are obese. Approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese." Find out more here.

I'm not saying we should all let Wall-e come true and buy our hovering recliners now, I am saying that this lie that all fat people are lazy needs to be nipped in the bud.

My stats:

• being overweight is in the family
• did kids sports through age 13
• currently work out 3-5 days a week
• eat very healthily and in moderation
• still obese on the BMI scale

Am I lazy? I also work a full-time job and am doing my best to run a home with my new husband. Yet some Jane Doe walking down the street behind me could think I am fat, and therefor lazy. This isn't some attempt to toot my own horn. I just know how hard it is!

Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror, to see your weight as insurmountable (not to mention the bane of your existence), and decide to cry and eat some ice cream to soothe yourself?

Do you know what it's like to be made fun of because of your weight? How about something else?

Do you know what it's like to have your greatest weaknesses and insecurities on display for everyone to see?

Do you know what it's like to inch by inch shed patterns and habits of an unhealthy lifestyle and try to develop new ones to promote health?


This world is so full of pain. Everywhere you look, someone somewhere is hurting. We are a broken people in a broken world. So let's do something positive! Perhaps the person you see as lazy or disgusting has some bad habits and doesn't work as hard at them as you think they should, but do you know their story? Do you know how they got to be where they are? It is much more difficult to judge someone when you know their humanity. Take some time to find out.

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." (James 3:3-8) (emphasis mine)

"Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue." (Proverbs 11:12)

"The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4)

I am no saint. I, too, am guilty of judging those around me. This message is for me as much as for anyone else. I'm not preaching, I'm pleading.

Before you spit poison in the direction of some broken and flawed person, think about your own flaws. Maybe your greatest weakness or insecurity is not as visible as obesity, or acne, or second-hand clothes.

Maybe you can hide your hurts and areas of pain from the world. Maybe you are addicted to working out, or are in an unhealthy relationship. Perhaps you abuse alcohol or prescription drugs. Everyone suffers from some hurt, habit, or hang-up. Think about that before you judge someone who cannot hide theirs from you.

I may not be this girl anymore, but I love her nonetheless. I may have a different body than this girl, but I think she is beautiful and vibrant. And I know her hurts. I still carry them. I know what it felt like every time someone stared, sneered, or shied away. She explored the world, graduated with honors, sang her heart out in front of hundreds of people, and took on the world with vigor. I learned a lot from her. She and I both know that being overweight had nothing to do with being lazy. We also know how deeply words can cut. Choose your words carefully, for both our sakes.

Be Present, Choose Happiness

A slightly altered version of Bobby McFerrin's song may be playing through your head as it is mine. His message, "Don't Worry, Be Happy", fits my thoughts today as well. 



Happy.



Right now my husband's and my life feels a bit scatterred. He is finishing school, I am working, neither of us knows exactly what we will be doing come June. It's up in the air. I keep thinking that life will settle for us then, but we really have no way of knowing. Not to mention, when does life really ever settle down? Yet I want to plan for where we'll be in June and what our life will look like. Remember that I am a planner? Well, you put "no plan" and "planner personality" together and you get STRESS and WORRY. Neither of whom are my best friends. Though they do tend to hang around fairly often...

Kevin and I were discussing this the other day, among other things. My husband, bless him, chooses to be happy and not complain in nearly every situation. Sure, he vents to me once in a while, but not often. When I am in a mood (which NEVER happens), this can piss me off. I don't want Polyanna ruining my grump-fest. However, most of the time, I am inspired by his willingness to choose happiness in the moment- even when that moment may otherwise drive him crazy. 

See? Happy.





This idea, being present in the moment, letting tomorrow take care of itself, not worrying, choosing to be happy no matter the circumstance, is so appealing. I love this idea. In practice, well, I don't really have much practice. I'm a planner! I think ahead and worry about the things outside of my control.

When I read this, 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
   And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34) (emphasis mine)

I am reminded of the One who does the worrying for me.

Thrown in for Cuteness.

My Protector, the true Planner, knows what is in my heart and mind. He wants me to be happy. I truly believe that God wants each of us to be happy, to enjoy the life He has given us. No, that does not mean life is easy, or that we will be happy every moment. But I think this means He gives us the chance to lay our worries at His feet and choose happiness. He allowed his Son to take on all our sins and worries so that we could live free of those burdens.


So why do I choose to carry those burdens instead of ask for His help?


My favorite verse in the whole Bible is this:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:28-30)

I love how The Message words this passage.


There are promises embedded in these words.


I hear God saying, "Nicole, remember who I am. Remember who I created you to be. I don't make mistakes. This life is draining, come to me and be filled. The burdens I ask you to carry are crafted for you - for the gifts I have given you, to shape you into the disciple I need you to be. Spend some time with me. Tell me your worries. I can handle them. Burdens from me are light and freeing. Burdens of the world will take from you until you are empty. My burdens will refine and strengthen you. Trust in me. I am waiting here for you whenever you choose to come. I will never turn away or grow weary of your stubborness. You are mine, no matter what you do."

Little Grump-Fest.

Again, why do I choose to carry those burdens instead of ask for His help?


Maybe because I am a control freak (the not-so-nice, yet perhaps-more-honest title for what I usually call the 'planner'). Maybe because the burdens are comforting in the sense that they are known, while letting them go is unknown. Maybe because I lean too much on my own strength and understanding and start to think that I can do it all on my own. Maybe because I don't want to seem weak by admitting that I cannot do it all on my own. Maybe because I get caught up in the whirlwind of life and forget that He is waiting patiently with open arms. Maybe all of these things.


Along with my tendency to worry comes my self-analysis. These tapes play in my head that I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I worry too much (I even get mad at myself for worrying - which obviously helps the situation). I don't worry enough. I'm not using my gifts for God. I'm not using my gifts at all. I'm being lazy.

None of these voices aid me in choosing happiness, being present, or relying on God's strength rather than my own.


No, I'm not at a point where I can lead (or attend) a woman's prayer group or Bible study in my home, or anywhere else for that matter. I barely have time for the weekly "Bible study" with a few girlfriends that more often turns into much-needed catching up than hard-core study. Being on worship team at church would require an extra hour and a half of driving to my already extra-long day. I keep reminding myself that learning to be a wife, being responsible with the tasks I have been given, taking care of my mind, spirit and body- take up all of my time. That's where I'm at right now. I'm social and I love to be involved - but that's not where I'm at.


My days are full of driving, work, cleaning, cooking, running errands, and spending the little leftover time with my husband. Then we go to bed. Early. When I don't allow those over-analytical and critical voices to take over, I am actually quite happy with our routine. We can have dinner with friends every once in a while, but mostly we keep to our quiet routine at home.


Nope, I don't know what exactly the future holds. Yes, I have dreams and hopes for that future.



But for now, I will revel in:

the beautiful views I have on my way to work;

the ability to pay the bills;

watching Heroes while we eat our dinner;

singing with every fiber of my joyful being on Sunday mornings, as my church family lightens my spirit with their sheer presence;

texting a friend during the in-between moments at work; 

snorting with laughter as I listen to Daria, Mitch, and Ted on my drive home;

falling asleep next to my best friend every night;

smiling every time I walk into our apartment and look around at the home we have created together.

Not my actual driving view. But pretty, nonetheless. And I did take the picture. That counts, right?

(The red curtains were my idea.)

Being present.
Choosing happiness.
Finding contentment.




So tell me: How do you deal with your worries? What tends to bog you down?

Ode to the Husband

26 Things I Love About My Husband on His 26th Birthday:



1. I love your laugh and sense of humor.





2. I love that you are silly with me. 





3. I love your kisses.





4. I love that you create awesome dates.





5. I love how you support me.





6. I love the doodles on the sides of your hand-written school notes. (This one was mine, though!)





7. I love your black sunglasses.





8. I love that you hold my hand while we're driving.





9. I love that you go on adventures with me.





10. I love your grey/green eyes.





11. I love our cemetery.





12. I love your dreams for our future.





13. I love how you make my coffee every morning.





14. I love when you pray.



 



15. I love the quirky things you think about. (i.e. light waves)




16. I love our conversations.



17. I love how handsome you look in a suit!





18. I love that you wanted me to pick my favorite dress.





19. I love how you make me laugh! (loudly and silently!)





20. I love when you hold me.





21. I love when we go on walks.





22. I love when you dance with me in the kitchen.





23. I love how you smell your food before you eat it.





24. I love when we play games together.





25. I love how you know to order half Hawaiian.





26. I love that you are mine. I love that you are a man of God. I love your heart.


Kevin, I love you.


Happy Birthday!




Just for fun: Read our Proposal Story here.

Weekly Update, and Balance

Weekly Update:

Exercise: 4 25-min lunch walks, 2 30-min elliptical "pumps"

Weight Loss: 178

Well, at least I am back to where I was two weeks ago. Half-way through the week I was under 178 (I weigh far too often), but of course weight fluctuates - especially during this particular week of the month.

I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't lose any more than this, but I have to remember that this is a process. This is about long term weight loss, not a quick fix. And I was sick the last three days, which never helps anything.

Because of my obsession with the scale, I saw this result coming, which prompted a problem-solving/processing conversation with Kevin last night before bed. This is what I decided to kick my weight loss up a notch:

• lower my weekly extra points from 49 to 35
• only eat 2 servings of fruit a day, and 3 of vegetables (they may be "free", but the calories do add up)
• bump my 30 min elliptical runs to 40 minutes

Three small changes that will hopefully get me out of my current rut. I'm not looking for a huge loss each week, but I'm in a bit of a plateau and would like to beat it before it beats me.

The last couple of weeks have left me feeling "blah". Sick husband, sick me, weight up and down, wanting to see results far more quickly... Then I have to think about why I'm doing this, remember that I believe in my method- and give myself credit for not bingeing or mindlessly eating or going over my points. Those are all accomplishments. At least I know I could maintain my weight with this routine; now to get the weight off...

Losing weight has become a big part of my life. It can be overwhelming at times. And I have other roles I need to play other than hamster on the wheel. That's where balance comes in... or does it?


Balance.

There's a little chuckle inside my head when I think about writing a post titled "Balance". Beth Woolsey shared my very similar sentiments with her witty post of the same ilk. (While we're on the topic, Beth's blog entitled "Five Kids is A Lot of Kids" is hilarious. Even though I don't have kids, I can't stop reading - or laughing hysterically. Go check it out!)

From:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sebastians_belle/7379676/

Right now I wear a lot of hats. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Friend. Christian. Teacher. Weight-loser. To name a few and the most recurrent. (I would add that I'm not a huge fan of the title "Christian". But that's for another time.)

Which do I wear when? How often? What happens when that one hat in the corner has collected so much dust that I'm afraid to put it on for fear of coughing to death? Where's the For Dummies manual for how to balance one's life?

I have recently discovered the elliptical. Once my knees started hurting from treadmill jogging (soft 'j'), I decided to give this awkward stair-stepper-slash-paddle-boat thing a try. To my delight, it was surprisingly doable, burned more calories than the treadmill in the same amount of time, and didn't cause any undue pain!

One thing I've noticed, however, is that I have to pay close attention to how I am balancing my weight while I pump along. (I've decided that a good colloquial term in place of "stroll" for walking or "jog" for running is "pump" for ellipticalling.) If I'm not careful, a knee will lock or I'll start teetering to one side. Rather than use the hand rails or arm pumpers, I hold my arms in at my side and let them swing like they do when I'm running. This forces me to use my (barely-existent) core muscles to keep balanced. 

The first five minutes raise my heart rate, signaling the sweat to begin. The following five minutes is a push to get through. Each stride lands somewhere in my thigh or quad. I can feel it. The Sweet Spot resides in minutes ten through twenty; I'm listening to my music, allowing Adele to fuel energy into the rhythmic pumping. The last ten minutes I am very focused on the seconds as they tick by. When I'm struggling to keep up the pace, I pick a point in the distance, focus in, and power through. Sometimes I play little games with myself. Can I get my strides per minute up to 200? How long can I keep up this pace? How many calories can I burn before my 30 minutes are up? It's a race against myself. The end is in sight and I'm going to make each moment count.

Life may not be exactly like a run (pump?) on the elliptical, or a box of chocolates, but I see some correlations to balance. My core keeps me centered. My highest priorities, that which drives me, creates a fulcrum from which the pendulum can swing. As I alternate between hats, the transition can raise my heart rate; it takes a while to find my stride, my Sweet Spot. As I near change, an ending, a beginning, I often find ways of distracting myself from the difficulty I have with change, I focus on the end game. I try my very best to make each moment count and keep my priorities straight.

And sometimes I'm switching hats so quickly, or have two or three perched precariously on my head at once, that all I can do is pray that my center is strong enough to keep a limb from going astray or launching a hat into an unsuspecting passerby.

While I'm certainly no expert, I have learned a thing or two about balance over the years. Filling my plate to the point of near exhaustion was a specialty of mine many moons ago. (I'm digging the mash of mixed metaphors. Don't judge.)

• I can say "no"
• I'm not a bad Christian if I don't have a Christ-centered activity going on every night (I discovered this little nugget while attending a private Christian college; and, no, I'm not being trite - this lesson was very difficult for me to learn.)
• Having one or two main hats that are fully intact is better than having dozens of shabby ones
• I need social time and alone time; each regenerates me in a unique way
• Taking care of myself (mind, body, spirit) is not selfish
• Sometimes I just have to roll with it (Planner Hat is twitching...)

When life is rosy and full of sunshine, I am elated with my Hats and look forward to wearing each one. And then there are gloomy days when I want to put them all in the closet and take a nap. Like I said, no expert. But just like my jaunts on the elliptical, I keep on truckin'. I'm not after perfection, but a general sense of peace (and a little less jiggle in my caboose) would be nice.


So tell me: How do you find balance? What hats are you juggling?

Book Review: J-Hud

Because of my crazy schedule, years of forced reading, and tendency to stare into space when I could be reading - I do not read nearly as much as I used to. And I love to read! Once in a while, though, a book or series will capture my attention, and I will devour it as quickly as humanly possible. All of the Harry Potters and the Hunger Games were like this.

While reading Jennifer Hudson's blog via the Weight Watchers website a bit ago, I discovered that she put out a book this January. As I think she is fabulous and a great inspiration, I decided to add it my my iPhone Kindle app and do some digital reading!

After finishing this book in two days, I can tell you this is not a literary revolution. It is simple, to the point, and written by a singer-slash-actress, not a writer. It shows. But this is what drew me in quickly enough that I spent the majority of a drive to the in-laws with my iPhone shining in my face instead of making conversation with my husband and his aunt. It felt like I had sat down to coffee with Jennifer, who goes by "Jenny" in her family, and listened to her recount her story. A story much like mine. I felt the same way when I read Kristin Chenoweth's autobiography. Less like mine, but absolutely hilarious and intriguing.

Much of Ms. Hudson's book is about her journey with Weight Watchers; while it is certainly a huge endorsement, it is so much more than that. Jennifer's story with weight could be anyone else's. She didn't lose weight by paying a huge staff to cook for her and do all her shopping. She did this on her own - which is why I respect her as a role model in weight loss.

Jennifer grew up as a bigger girl. She didn't necessarily see herself as "fat", her whole family was large (not to mention, centered around good food), and she was more focused on her emerging talent than her appearance. This I can relate to. I thought the adobe-colored leggings and coordinating flannel button-up shirt were stylish. I had clunky boots to match. The other kids were well aware of my size, though to me it was simply being part of my family. It took me a while to realize I was different, or at least viewed as such.

After I got through Jennifer's childhood and high school years, I got to experience her journey to fame through her eyes. American Idol, wedding gigs, Disney cruise, Dreamgirls, an Oscar, an album, a Grammy, and so much more. (It's funny - even though I, too, love to sing - I would never have wanted this life. Performing a musical theatre number brings immense joy to my heart, and I have been on stage since I was little. Hopefully, music and theatre will always be a part of my life in some capacity, but I do not envy the constant travel and life-under-a-microscope.)

What struck me most about this book was Jennifer's focus on why she got healthy - and how she did it. In the long run, it really had very little to do with Weight Watchers. That is just a program, a vehicle. Without the motivation, the drive, she would not have been successful. She made it very clear that she has loved her body at every size she has been at. Getting to a healthy weight had more to do with her desire to be energetic and involved with her son and less to do with a number. (However, we share an obsession with the scale; I weigh several times a week, usually out of curiosity.)

I may never get to the same proportional size as Jennifer did, or wear the stunning dresses that she has modeled on the red carpet, but I do believe that I am changing my life for the right reasons and in the right way.

Since I re-started Weight Watchers at the beginning of January, which is to say I re-started my weight loss journey (over two years and counting), I have had a loss nearly every week. But it has been slow going. When I started in 2010, my losses were more dramatic, which allowed me to see more for my work. This time, my losses are slower, but more consistent. I haven't binged since January 26th. No food group has been cut out of my diet. In fact, I'm not really on a diet. Yes, many consider Weight Watchers a "diet", but I see it as a way to structure my relationship with food - something I've never been good at. It is a tool, not a quick fix.

This journey is now about long term health, not a fad diet. Even if it takes me another two years to reach the healthiest weight for my body (not just my current goal weight), it will be well worth it if I can keep it off. If my maintenance can last, if I can keep from yo-yo dieting, if I can focus on practicing a healthy relationship with food, then I'll give it all the time in the world.

I'm not giving up or quitting. This change is for good, in more ways than one.

As Jennifer would say, "I got this!"