Spilled Milk or Lost Point

i.e. Things you aren't supposed to cry over.

But I am! Well, over the lost point, that is. The Weight Watchers Points Plus system decides your daily points based on your current height and weight. For several weeks my daily points was at 28. When I put in my newest loss, down to 178, my daily intake went down one point to 27. This may not seem like a lot, but for me, it is! Staying within the 28 was hard enough!

That number used to be 28. :-(

Really, the bigger issue is when I look ahead to my goal weight. How in the world will I manage with as few as 20 points? Okay, I don't actually know how low the daily points go, though I'm pretty sure there is a minimum amount that will not go any lower.

The point is, I like food. A lot. Obviously, this has caused issues for me. I work to conquer these issues daily. Part of how I do that is try to be creative with the amount of food I am allotted each day. Sure, Weight Watchers is a program, and I could be basing my weight loss on a calorie count instead. It is just a different set of lingo. But it is a struggle to eat only 28 points worth. It is doable, however.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty bummed about my lost point. I use every single point during the day. Each point gives me another option, room for creativity and variety. That didn't disappear with one fewer point, but it felt a little painful when I saw that number go down after I entered my new weight. (Note the irony that the girl who lost a pound is sad about the lost point, rather than elated about the lower weight. Hmm.)

The day went on, I ran my errands, I ate my packed lunch. I stayed within my 27 points, and... drum roll please... I DIDN'T DIE! Shock of all shocks, I was alive and well and not even hungry. My meals were spaced out, I drank plenty of water, and I ate my dinner very slowly (for me, that is). It was amazing.

As I sat at the table with my husband and two of our friends, I realized that even though I had 3 points left for dessert, and had planned on using them, I wasn't really hungry. My dinner was filling and satisfying. I decided to eat the two Oreos anyway, grateful for the leftover points, but did not feel it was necessary. It was extra. It was a gift. There was no guilt or feeling of desperation. And no sneaking either.

So, yes, it saddens me a little to think that I will be allowed fewer and fewer extras throughout my day as I lose weight, but I also know that my body will thrive when I put into it ONLY what it needs and nothing more. Food is fuel. Food is fuel. Food is fuel. Only put in as much as my body needs. (Why is this concept so hard for my brain to remember?)

While I pondered this yesterday, it brought to mind some of my old habits. Food really was the center of my life. (Still is, but differently.) I remember stopping by Dairy Queen to pick up an order of Popcorn Shrimp and a medium Chocolate Xtreme Blizzard with added cookie dough (because large would be excessive), and eating it as quickly as possible as I drove home, often burning my tongue on the shrimp. If there was still some left, I would eat it in the driveway while in my car and dispose of the garbage outside before going in. Heaven forbid either of my parents or a stray niece would see the all-telling paper bag.

This happened far too often. Did I think my weight and eating disorder went unnoticed? No, but I was in denial. I was just fine. I didn't need any help. No wonder my emotions dipped as soon as the computer told me I will have to eat just a little bit less from now on. If this were just a diet, not a lifestyle change, that dip in daily calories would be temporary and less depressing. These changes are for good. The stakes are higher. Thankfully, so is my resolve (and support!).

This process is hard, people! For those of you out there who are working diligently toward a goal, any goal, I salute you! Keep at it! I understand! You are not alone!



P.S. - I ate those Oreos slowly. Savored each one. It was wonderful. :) See? I still love food.